Girls see me in wrong way

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Hey.

I always come to the certain point of making friends with girls from classes due to respect of similar interests and the like. I always get told me 'I am not interested in a relationship' after second or third time of seeing each others in general from uni classes and that etc. It makes me so frustrated about it, because I never considering a relationship. I am considering a friendship, pretty much how I interact with the guys. I treat everyone in similar respect and manner.

Few people told me I need to get rid of the vibes. But I am confident in talking to people in general. So how the girls always get an idea of me going after for a relationship? My approach is just normal. Like hello how are you going and stuff etc. Talk about what things we do, how was the day, week, weekend etc, also talk our backgrounds and stuff etc. At end, not at first time we seemed that good in conversation and that we can get contacted by FB. So I told them my FB name so they can add me. However, what seemed that they never added me since we chatted. Adding as a friend on FB doesn't mean a relationship at all.

It upsets me so much about it! Even since I am having difficulty with making relationships with a girl, I only had one girlfriend. Very different case, because she was desperate. However, I am not good with girls. They see me as a nice guy, mature and that etc. But they always see me as a desperate guy as looking for a girlfriend. But I NEVER HAVE ANY INTENTIONS TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND!! I just wow, am I cursed to this stupid immature issue from uni girls? Why me?

Sometimes when you show too much interest too soon people get the wrong idea.

A while ago I was having an amazing conversation about some random thing with a girl I just met. I liked the topic a lot so I was a little hyper/wouldnt stop talking... she made sure she brought up that she had a boyfriend every few minutes because she was getting the wrong idea.(Id have stopped talking to her but she kept replying and we were going on the same direction for a while since our friend in common asked me to accompany her to her home because my car was coincidentally parked next to her house)

Ive tried to reduce the amount of words I speak around new people and I think that its working(it was causing a few issues with other people as well).

We cant help you much online because we have never seen you but its probably related to some habit of yours that people read too much into.

lol Those women are just arrogant. Don't worry about it.

Keep being you and be true to yourself. My only advice is, enjoy those conversations and dont apologize for your friendliness, but dont give your fb info. Girls are excellent at finding out your FB and stalking you if they really want to. Let them come to you in that regard. If they haven't added you on FB by the end of the course term, then consider it a sign that they have enough other things going on in their life that you don't need to waste your time.

I expect part of the problem is that although you aren't after more than friendship, they are - so if you get too close to them, you'll put other guys off, and they might be scared of that happening.

Though that doesn't explain why they won't friend you on Facebook. Loads of people do that even when they don't give a damn about each other.

Maybe you're a bit like me, and tend to be a little bit too "full on" with people? I can sometimes act very familiar with people who don't know me, prolonging eye contact, over-sharing, asking cheeky questions.

Maybe you should ask the girls honestly what it is you're doing to give that impression. Otherwise online people are just guessing, it's hard to say without watching it happen.

But thinking about it, I had an experience with a man I suspect of having AS which did give me a feeling similar to the one you are describing. He tried to leap quickly into an intense friendship and it did make me feel uncomfortable because friendships usually grow through time. Upon first meeting he already wanted to give me his number and add me to Facebook, he wanted to sit with me all the time, and often sat a little too close to me and with his face a little too close in my personal space during conversations. He was already planning events with me trying to come over to my house or have me over to his. A lot of these things are okay (except the invasion of personal space), but it does give the wrong idea. It comes across as being overly interested in someone, which can be worse than not seeming very interested. Also too much eye contact can be bad and uncomfortable.

I highly recommend asking specifically what particular behaviors you are doing are causing girls to get this "vibe"

Can't say much different from other posts here, Matty. It's likely due to your enthusiasm and intensity.
Use that to engage them, but once you've got their attention see if you can practise toning it down some, by listening and giving short replies. If it helps maybe even prepare simple replies that you would feel match how you think or speak (so it's not like a script) for various questions, scenarios, stuff the girls might bring up.

I think the enthusiasm makes them think you are keen for something else, and they might interpret it as showing more keenness than what you would if they were a guy. You seem like a decent person so hope you get there and break this cycle am sure you will.

If a girl is good looking, she gets hit on NONSTOP and comes to assume that every guy is being nice to her because she is good looking which is usually the case.

Apparently I didn't really over talk and impress. I did let her them talk as well, in coincidence of short responses as you mentioned. I know how to talk and that, I'm not dumb. Its quite a same to guys, those guys talk as well and does not have any issues. I spent good two hours hanging with the guy from same class and I did similar attitude to girls and he does not observe me as a problem. He talked, I listened, everything is about equality.

I am just being friendly, I'm not like going over passionate about personal space and stuff. I didn't get to invasion part at all. Didn't get too close with them. I don't have any intentions to get a speeding ticket with them. I think the problem that is I am cursed. Which I mean I am cursed to girls, as they see me as a problem. Big problem. I have no intentions to let that happen. I am cursed to rejections, minimal friendships, minimal boundaries and left behind socially. I have no idea why a very nice, friendly, mature guy deserved to be like that? I thought girls like those guys as a friend as well?

I always see they hang out with guys who do the drinking and s**t at uni and colleges. I don't drink, maybe they judge me? But if that a case, then what is it then? I ain't approaching too fast too deep.

Now, this gets me so worried about the future. I would like a relationship, I would love to get married. But at this rate, the potential does seem not going to happen because I am cursed to this problem. Since that they are seeing me in wrong way most of the time. Or the curse is about this uni? I have one more semester this year, and heading off to US for working holiday visa. Does the curse goes away as I approach to top 3 largest country in the world?

What we think we are doing and what we are actually doing don't always match up. You might also be giving off the body language that you are keen without realising it.

I appreciate you are a good speaker. Sorry if I came across as patronizing. But whether it be your speaking, your signals, or what you talk about there is something obviously causing the problem or it wouldn't be happening. Try not to think about future possibilities of relationships when talking to women unless you are actually interested in them that way else those sort of vibes might sink through without you knowing.

There's also these things to consider:
1) Are you making a conscious effort to talk to these girls or are you talking to them because they happen to be part of the group you are talking with, or there's a reason you need to speak to them?
2) What kind of things are you talking about?
3) If you are talking with them in a group are you talking to everyone else as well or focusing on 1 person?

I am not even thinking about relationships, and not even my body language does!

1. I am not shy or having difficulties talking to girls. I am open to them as like how I approach to the guys in general. Some cases I saw them as just one time situation like walking past and I saw something interesting off her etc. Nothing too deep there, it just eye catching situation of what people are curious about of that person. There are several different reasons why I speak to them, from being in classes (groups here), interest glace of what she have (like appears going on holiday at wrong time of the year), live in same floor as me and college etc.

2. Well I never talk about relationships and inappropriate stuff at all. Just talk things in general like greetings, what I do, what she do in same thing, like where you from, what uni course you doing, explain things of what the interests of each others, what is happening today, how was your weekend/week, the weather etc etc. The conversation like that does not have any lead to anything, it just a developing friendship. I can't see myself triggering off a potential relationship like that without mentions of it. My body language is just dancing into listening and speaking part.

3. Either, some in groups but more as one person. I have no idea why more as 1 person, probably they like being their selves walking around the campus etc.

JanuaryMan: I have nothing to cause a problem, but I can't see myself have caused it. It could be that girls are way too immature to think about things like that. However, they do have guy friends as well, so wonder how they approach like that? I always approach just normal, totally normal respect, treat and space. Its always about space and time in my cases.

Either:
a) Being too nice, cautious.
b) You aren't the cause, in which case there is nothing you can do to resolve it and asking for advice on it wouldn't do much good.
c) Girls really are immature only to certain guys for unknown reasons besides freakish phenomena the citizens of the Wrong Planet cannot identify.

I'd like to think it's a or b and c is just a joke

I totally agree with the being urself post. Don't change who u are.....be urself always and forever. If the girl doesn't want to persue a friendship, try not to worry about it. Sometimes some people take things way to personally (I do this all the time) and what we are thinking someone else is thinking might be miles away from the reality of it. It's their loss if they don't want to be friends. A woman that lets u know up front they are in a relationship might be used to guys always hitting on them. U stated ur intent with communication is not to propose or hint at a relationship but obviously the girl(s) are thinking otherwise. It might be a preemptive tactic used to eliminate the possibility of hurting ur feelings IF u were to propose a relationship. Even though u believe a good conversation might spark a good friendship, sadly it's not always the case. Be urself, if they don't like it, screw them, there's a lot more females out there that would love to be ur friend.

I think this place is a curse to me. Luckily it is my last year of uni, only half of the year to go! So, the problem that may be when people initially knew me, they go tell other people to react a same. So I am cursed for this uni. It making me so clingy and frustrated since all the limitations of social acceptance and understanding.

Why on Earth I need a relationship from the first few times of meeting someone? That is insane to me, its all rushing.

So, still waiting for job acceptance for working holiday trip to Park City, Utah. Which is starting this December, my visa is going for 12 months which seems quite good. Just hoping my chances should get better over in US?

Why not leave the girls to their own thing and just try to make friends with a few guys?

^ This. If you want to mix your social circles up a bit, having a few male friends does help, too.

When I asked if you were making a conscious effort. I meant are you going out of your way to to talk to them, not if you had problems talking to them. If you are going out of your way to talk to them when you previously never have before (remembering this is in further education and not a workplace) it is very likely many will get the wrong impression, or some girls might not have developed the idea yet that you are just being friendly and not all guys are out to date them (though as previously mentioned if this is all guys ever have approached them for it can be easy for them to make this judgement).