Advice on telling her I want a "love" relationship

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ObamaGoesPostal
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19 Jun 2012, 5:50 am

Hello, I'm new here. :D

I need your advice on something, it's about a girl - I know I'm young or whatever but still.

So in my class there's this girl I've fallen for recently, we talk alot and I can make her laugh, we like pretty much the same music and she often stops whatever she's doing just to talk to me. I thought things were going well enough (could be better though) until school break started. Now I won't see her for two months. :(
I do have her on Facebook, I chat with her sometimes but we only talk about music, I'm afraid that if I talk about that too much then she will only see me as a friend. How can I make her know that I want a relationship with her? Do I tell her? Or do I ask her out? Is it okay to do that via Facebook? I don't have her number or anything, and I actually don't know quite where she lives... I know waiting is an option (stupid option) but at the end of school break she might not like me anymore (if she even does now). There's just so much doubt in my mind, and I'm actually starting to feel sad because I miss her, help?

I didn't know which forum to ask on, I do have Asperger's (diagnosed) but I don't think about it too much.



invisibubble
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19 Jun 2012, 8:56 am

Just based on my own experience. If you think you'd like to have an intimate relationship with someone you have to try not to be too intense straight away. Instead, spend time with them and try to get an idea of how much they like you because if they're not interested you don't want to make them uncomfortable. I think in your case it would be perfectly acceptable when you next talk to her on facebook to ask if she'd like to go see a movie with you. If she says "yes" ask for her phone number so you can phone to make arrangements (even if you make arrangements on facebook its good to swap numbers in case one of you is running late on the day). Depending how that goes you can take things from there. If she wants to spend time with you outside of school that's probably a good sign (but may mean she likes you but only as a friend - that's always a possibility). If you go out together a few times and are having fun then you could ask if she wants to date - even if she doesn't want to if she likes you as a friend she'll probably let you down gently.



ObamaGoesPostal
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19 Jun 2012, 9:50 am

Alright, I will get to asking her out eventually. But what can I do to get to know her better? (we've been in the same class since we were 6, so I kind off know her well already)
But when I do talk to her, what can I talk about?



poppyfields
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19 Jun 2012, 11:22 am

Just ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. Make it casual, just two friends doing something together. If she says no or tries to avoid answering, you know she's not into you, not even as a friend really. Do not be too intense though. Aspie males seem to love doing that. Don't. You will scare her away if you tell her you love her or something.



ObamaGoesPostal
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19 Jun 2012, 11:28 am

poppyfields wrote:
Just ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. Make it casual, just two friends doing something together. If she says no or tries to avoid answering, you know she's not into you, not even as a friend really. Do not be too intense though. Aspie males seem to love doing that. Don't. You will scare her away if you tell her you love her or something.

Okay, but I'm afraid she doesn't even see me as a friend so maybe she thinks I'm creepy if I ask just to hang out.



poppyfields
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19 Jun 2012, 12:06 pm

I don't think it's weird to just ask someone if you want to do something. But to start, you should talk about things other than music on facebook. You need to get to know her better, ask her about her life, her likes and dislikes, etc. Build a mutual connection. But honestly, don't wait too long. At a certain point you just have to take a risk.



ObamaGoesPostal
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19 Jun 2012, 12:10 pm

I'm not very good at that kind of "general talk" :( (part of Asperger's?), but I kind of know how to get on about asking her out, it will have to wait until tomorrow though.



poppyfields
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19 Jun 2012, 12:20 pm

I have a theory that a lot of aspie guys get in the friend zone because they only talk about their special interest. Someone like that may make a good friend, but if they don't seem to care about your life, then you aren't going to see much romantic potential in them.



ObamaGoesPostal
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19 Jun 2012, 12:24 pm

poppyfields wrote:
I have a theory that a lot of aspie guys get in the friend zone because they only talk about their special interest. Someone like that may make a good friend, but if they don't seem to care about your life, then you aren't going to see much romantic potential in them.

And that's what I'm so afraid of happening, because if you're too intense then you are creepy and if you are not then you're friendzoned. So it takes that balance, and that balance is so hard to know about with Asperger's. But I don't really have a special interest, which is odd - considering the diagnose. Sure computers and video games interest me, but it's not towards that obsessive point where it's all I talk about, in fact I never talk about it.



thewhitrbbit
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19 Jun 2012, 1:16 pm

Def gotta ask her out; but don't say you want a love relationship.

If she says yes, plan the event, and pay for it.

Study her body language. If she's close to you she might be interested. It'll be subtle though.



ObamaGoesPostal
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19 Jun 2012, 2:22 pm

I will ask her out as soon as she comes online on Facebook instead rather than tomorrow then. :D



ObamaGoesPostal
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20 Jun 2012, 4:33 am

I asked her now, she said "maybe" but she says she's travelling to England in a few days and will be there for 3 weeks. Maybe she's just making up excuses not to meet me.



MyFutureSelfnMe
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20 Jun 2012, 4:39 am

She probably is, if you're acting this certain right away.

You're not as certain as you think you are, trust me.

Just kidding, if she says something as major as she's travelling to England, she probably is. Relax.



ObamaGoesPostal
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20 Jun 2012, 4:42 am

Should I ask if we should do something after she comes home? Or would that be too much?



MyFutureSelfnMe
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20 Jun 2012, 4:45 am

Yeah but don't try to nail down a date yet. She doesn't know what she'll be doing in 3 weeks.

If the England thing turns out to be BS, never talk to her again and forget about her.