Subway Sandwich girl

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OK, here goes:

A really nice girl who I never saw as the most compatible or friendly person necessarily (she refused two Facebook friend requests in the past) has for the last few weeks gotten warmer. Don’t think we necessarily have much in common, but the 20-year-old has a warm voice and a cuddly chubbiness that I find endearing (I gave up on size zeros in high school and never got the grand reception from classical goddesses that I expected ). She’s listed as “on a relationship” on her FB, which she let me add her on yesterday night with a big smiley when I identified myself clearly as the guy from work and told her “I can has Facebook add plz?” in LOLcat fashion, but it doesn’t say WITH WHOM, which I see as kind of Facebook code for “it’s not all that serious really.” Unlike some other situations I discussed on “Love and Dating,” this isn’t just like one interaction. She’s actively initiated conversation on multiple occasions, and the last two days appeared to make a point out of waving to me and smiling the way I heard girls often do when flirting (she did that as well last Friday, so it’s effectively every day I’ve been working with her this week even though I haven’t necessarily showered her with conversation). Only trouble is (or perhaps a boon since it avoids my current workplace’s frowning on intra-office dating) that she may be leaving for a job as a Subway front-end manager by Christmas. I’ve moved to be in the “center row” instead of my old outsider cubicle row that emptied out late in my 11-7 shift, and the interactions only warm up, so what do I do to keep this from fizzling out even as a friendship like everything else? A happily engaged girl still keeps in touch though she barely lasted out a month out of training, so maybe I shouldn’t panic, but I don’t want to lose a good thing and like the way Subway girl makes me feel (as far as I know I never saw her there, though I haven't been at the location much and it's pretty new, and I certainly don't want to be creepy Subway stalker dude every time I hanker for cheap but healthy food). She was tagged on a post where I came out as Aspie, btw, to some other co-workers, though I don't know if she actually read it.

Once again, you're reading too much into this.

Exactly what it says on the tin. I go into a lot of detail, but what's there to "read"? I get the advice "nobody's flirting with you" a lot here, on a forum where many whine about not catching signals in their past. I know darn well I'm in a workplace and the rules are different, though it's easier for women to bend them.

It would help if I could figure out some "neutral" ways to respond that don't presume anything either way. That would be the clincher for me, an all-purpose "we'll see where it goes but it's no skin off my nose if it goes nowhere" reaction.

There's an implication that you think you might have a chance with these women romantically, when it ultimately looks like they heard about your condition and now understand why you are the way you are. They probably feel sympathetic towards you, which is why she finally accepted your Facebook request. Just don't go overboard and annoy any of these people you work with. Yes, you won't find the love of your life in your office. But you'll have a much friendlier and receptive office environment now that they know where you're coming from. For guys like us, a good reputation at work isn't easy to come by.

Where is this implication that I "have a chance"? I friended her once since coming out Aspie, doubt she even read when she wasn't on the friend list (don't know if she'd even be notified), got no response. This sudden "warming" was a month after I posted this, so it's not like a sudden reaction or anything, though she's chatted casually in between. I really don't see people at work as the best choice for this and don't intend to hit on them, but I do think staying in touch with ex-employees is a great way to test my growing social skills.

Do you think I "have a chance" with anyone? I ask because I sense an eagerness to tell me otherwise as though I need to be taught to lower my expectations when I really think chance is just that: chance, and not a guarantee. Inexperience =/= total naiveté. I see good, relevant advice all over this forum, but when I ask in person I feel like it just doesn't come along. Are there different kinds of details that would yield better advice??

All I'm saying is that your best option is to look for relationships outside of work. Expanding your network of friends and people who thing positively about you can only make this easier.

Dating co-workers only leads to trouble. Believe me, I know.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y266zRsIYU[/youtube]

No it isn't, it means that their partner isn't on Facebook to be able to tag them as being in a relationship with them. From what I've found, when someone isn't serious about a relationship, they don't say they're in one in the first place.



That isn't flirting, that's just being friendly and greeting you.

As TheGoggles said, you're reading too much into this. And if she's rejected you twice on FB in the past...I dunno why you persisted, because that was a bad idea. It sounds like she may be being sympathetic, what with you coming out about AS. It sounds to me she's acknowledging you to be friendly, but that's it. Nothing else.

Okay first of all, just because someone doesn't list WHO they're in a relationship with on facebook means it isn't all that serious. The person they're in a relationship may not have facebook.
My girlfriend's facebook just says "in a relationship" but doesn't say who because, hey, guess what? I don't have a facebook.

Second, who says that things like smiling and waving = flirting? This is news to me. Things like touching their hair a lot, laughing a lot and touching you a lot in a playful are GOOD signs of interest but are never clear cut. But that's those, not smiling and waving. A lot of women smile and wave.

Also, initiation of conversation.. Again I wouldn't read too much into that. Work is a different environment than anywhere else. A lot of people talk to a lot of people and it doesn't mean anything.
When I'm at work, my female coworkers and I both playfully flirt and tease each other. It's just part of interacting. It never means anything to me unless the woman starts to pester me for my phone number and to start really wanting to get together outside of work (Which has happened a few times).

To avoid so much confusion with women in your workplace and romance and what not, I would strongly suggest you expand your dating network to OUTSIDE of the workplace. You'd be much better off since you won't be confused by female coworker's behavior and not potentially jeopardize your job.

I want to thank you guys sincerely for giving me some good, relevant advice here. Because of the factors you mentioned, I would not be posting here were it not for the fact that she's considering a job that would not allow her to work her minimum hours at my job, thereby making her not my co-worker anymore. If she takes that job, I would want to maintain her friendship, perhaps a topic for that forum I suppose.

I do sometimes feel very small and insecure when I talk to people, on this forum or offline, who've had more relationships (i.e. any) and/or friendships (i.e. any since grade school depending on definition) than me, especially when they're younger than I am and already "ahead. "I don't mean to be ungrateful about the advice, it's just that I get a little frustrated sometimes that I have to do so much "catching up" without the extensive peer networking opportunities of high school or college. I'm trying to get into the habit of looking for outside-of-working socialization, but it's daunting to try and change strangers into friends at my age with so little practice in out-of-work settings like noisy bars, churches where I don't know anyone (not from the area), or clubs with regulars who've been there much longer. I thought my job at a phone bank would teach me how to talk to strangers better, but it's still kind of intimidating in person because I'm competing with their established friend group more and they don't have a compelling reason to talk to me specifically before I open my mouth. I just want to go to a big city for grad school and start fresh where there's lots of newcomers, because ultimately I don't fit in with the locals no matter how hard I try in Dubuque.

I wish that would happen to me

[quote="georgewilson"]OK, here goes:

the 20-year-old has a warm voice and a cuddly chubbiness that I find endearing

With all due respect mate, what would you really have in common with a 20 year old?

For starters, salamanda, a heck of a lot more in terms of life experience than a lot of my age mates at 25. Not having a lot of luck with 25-35 women who seem to be either married or miles ahead in the rat race.

@jerry00: me too, MadeUnderground lives a charmed life and/or had a great wingman when he was a teen.

Haha I have neither.

I just worked on my social skills constantly from ages 16-18. I didn't want my university life to be a repeat of what life was like for me in High school.

It really paid off for me. I got tired of being lonely, tired of being ignored, tired of not having dates, tired of being awkward and not understanding social cues or body language or what not. I haven't mastered the whole social thing, but I got so much better.
I was just sick of it though, dude. Being so lonely, depressed, miserable and desperate. I lost 40 pounds in the same 2 years too due to diet and exercise because I got tired of being "that fat kid".

I decided to do everything in my power that I could to improve myself and for the most part I did. I could still be better.
Honestly the self improvement 2 year phase of my life became my obsession. It was my special interest. It's all I thought about, it's all I cared about.

I know I may have come off as harsh in my first post and I sincerely apologize for that. I did not mean for it to be that way, I do truly believe that you can turn your dating luck around. It is never too late.

I think I already posted in one of your threads what I had done to improve myself, if you want to know, just ask, I'd be more than happy to give you the details should you wish to try it also. If not, that's cool too.

All the best.

Sorry i thought your age was 42 but that was how many posts you have made.