Telling girls I'm an aspie - reaction?

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How will she respond?
Wow, that's cute! I'd love to get to know you better. 14%  14%  [ 8 ]
...OK. 52%  52%  [ 30 ]
Lol, go cry in the corner, you nerd. 34%  34%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 58

1814
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09 Nov 2012, 6:00 pm

I've been talking and messaging with a couple of girls lately. They seem to kinda enjoy talking with me.

I'm thinking about telling them about me being Aspie.. I think I will say it like this:

"There's something I have to tell you. You might notice sometimes that I behave in a kinda weird way. I also have to tell you that I have no real friends. It's because I have something called Asperger's syndrome. It impairs my social skills. However, I find it really easy to talk with you, I like it and it seems like and I hope you really do. My dream in life is that you will think of me just like any other guy. I'm not like them. You might never meet a guy like me again in your life. I hope you think that it's worth it to get to know me better, and I promise you that we'll have a lot of fun together"

What do you think her response will be?



AspieOtaku
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09 Nov 2012, 6:02 pm

I would think she would respond go cry in the corner you nerd. At least thats kind of how they respond to me.


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1000Knives
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09 Nov 2012, 6:22 pm

Usually it's "OK..." or sometimes it's "Wow, that's cute and I wanna get to know you better." and then they never talk to you again.

Your thing is too wordy and stuff, too. Just be like "So yeah, I got Aspergers." and just leave it at that. If they ask more, then tell them more, if not, then don't. Not with girls, but others have been like "Where are you from, you have a weird accent." And I'd just be like "Oh, it's probably my Aspergers." But a big paragraph of "You might never meet someone like me blah blah" will just make any girl, or person in general run away. Yeah, ditch the entire paragraph there.



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09 Nov 2012, 6:34 pm

I'd personally recommend not telling them unless you've gotten to know them pretty well first. If you tell someone too soon it might send off a subconscious red flag for them and they will get scared off. Of course if your Aspergers is more severe and is impeding your ability to ever really get to that stage where you can trust them, then it may be worth mentioning for sure, although I would certainly word it differently than you have in your post.

I actually remember reading an article on yahoo news not long ago, it was called 'worst first date memories' or something, but I think the advice from that article is applicable for this as well. I couldn't find the article, but one of the women writing the article said something to the effect of "I went on a first date with a guy, and he seemed really great, but about half-way into it he told me that he had a history of anxiety issues and was currently on medication for them. I wouldn't have had the slightest problem if he told me after we'd known each other for 3-4 weeks, but right off the bat it totally freaked me out!". Pretty much initially, most women are searching for any red flags and may not bother to stick around as soon as they see one.



gassy
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09 Nov 2012, 6:50 pm

1814 wrote:
I've been talking and messaging with a couple of girls lately. They seem to kinda enjoy talking with me.

I'm thinking about telling them about me being Aspie.. I think I will say it like this:

"There's something I have to tell you. You might notice sometimes that I behave in a kinda weird way. I also have to tell you that I have no real friends. It's because I have something called Asperger's syndrome. It impairs my social skills. However, I find it really easy to talk with you, I like it and it seems like and I hope you really do. My dream in life is that you will think of me just like any other guy. I'm not like them. You might never meet a guy like me again in your life. I hope you think that it's worth it to get to know me better, and I promise you that we'll have a lot of fun together"

What do you think her response will be?


If I were you I wouldn't say anything at all, especially not until you get to know them quite well.

To most of those who don't know too much about it, Aspergers = Baggage

Plus if they haven't come across any of your "quirks" they would think of it as very random that you said it, and think you're not very confident which can be a big turn off. Have faith in yourself!! :D



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09 Nov 2012, 7:26 pm

Don't say anything. Let people accept you for face value without a label. Look, at first everybody's friendly because they're eager to get to know new people. Some might even be aspie like yourself and NOT even know it. :)



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09 Nov 2012, 7:26 pm

1814 wrote:
"...My dream in life is that you will think of me just like any other guy..."

This part especially sounds a bit dramatic. As thought you have waited your whole like to meet this one girl, and her liking you is the only important thing to you. If you want to disclose, I'd do it a lot more casually, like 1000Knives said.

It might be different for females, but I have disclosed at around date 2 before (and once online before meeting, because I had a suspicion the other person was aspie too). I did it when it was relevant to the conversation, like if we were talking about how we like to socialise or something like that. I'd talk about my preference for certain types of activities, then just drop it in as an explanation for that. No apologies or "so what do you think?" or anything, just a matter-of-fact statement. Similar to if someone were to say "I don't really enjoy going to 3D movies, but that's because I'm almost blind in one eye".



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09 Nov 2012, 7:31 pm

[ Pretty much initially, most women are searching for any red flags and may not bother to stick around as soon as they see one.[/quote]



A lot of women are bad too! What makes you think that just because somebody's female, they don't have a hidden agenda. How come they're not already taken? Why don't you tell them how much you have in your savings as well. Sheesh, if you tell them you have Asperger's and they're crooked, they'll study about how they can take advantage of you. Keep your trap SHUT!



ComradeKael
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09 Nov 2012, 7:31 pm

Do not tell them until they already like you. Otherwise you shall become a novelty or a curiosity.



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09 Nov 2012, 7:42 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
... "I went on a first date with a guy, and he seemed really great, but about half-way into it he told me that he had a history of anxiety issues and was currently on medication for them. I wouldn't have had the slightest problem if he told me after we'd known each other for 3-4 weeks, but right off the bat it totally freaked me out!". Pretty much initially, most women are searching for any red flags and may not bother to stick around as soon as they see one.



Its catch-22. If you disclose it upfront they'll leave. Its a cold but hard truth: the great majority of women will not seek a mate that has a known genetic problem that they will pass to their kids.

If you tell them later...then you've lied to them and now not only do you have trust issues but most likely she will also not want to be with you because of the genetic thing.

If you never tell them ... I guess you end up postponing the trust issue until the first kid is old enough to show AS symptoms. Then its either act surprised or 'fess up. Either way its a moral issue.

I just tell them upfront. I'm still single for that reason... its so predictable that they will not be interested after that, that I also tend to guess correctly how long it takes her to break off contact. If only this worked for the lotto numbers :x



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09 Nov 2012, 7:47 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
[ Pretty much initially, most women are searching for any red flags and may not bother to stick around as soon as they see one.



A lot of women are bad too! What makes you think that just because somebody's female, they don't have a hidden agenda. How come they're not already taken? Why don't you tell them how much you have in your savings as well. Sheesh, if you tell them you have Asperger's and they're crooked, they'll study about how they can take advantage of you. Keep your trap SHUT!


Whoa now, I didn't mean to offend anyone lol...if I did I'm sorry and I apologize (I didn't think my post was confrontational). But really it's true, when dating, people of both genders are looking for their perfect match, and anything that goes against their perceived notions of that match may cause them to look elsewhere, maybe I didn't word it properly. I look at dating, at least initially, like a job interview: you want to put forth all your positives and show yourself in the best light possible; highlight your strengths and not focus on your weaknesses. And saying that you have Asperger's, especially to someone who likely has no idea what it is, will likely be seen as a weakness rather than a strength.



madnak
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10 Nov 2012, 2:50 am

Responses vary greatly from person to person. Without knowing more about them, there's no way to reliably predict their reaction. Some women will treat anybody "different" with disgust, and some women have the hots for Sheldon in "The Big Bang Theory."

With that said, your approach is much too wordy and earnest to be generally effective. Cut it down and make it less personal. Reveal your condition and feelings slowly, and gauge their responses at each step. Assume that this is a very casual relationship until you see evidence to the contrary, and behave appropriately (intimate revelations about yourself and your condition are generally viewed as inappropriate in casual relationships).



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10 Nov 2012, 2:52 am

madnak wrote:
Responses vary greatly from person to person. Without knowing more about them, there's no way to reliably predict their reaction. Some women will treat anybody "different" with disgust, and some women have the hots for Sheldon in "The Big Bang Theory."

With that said, your approach is much too wordy and earnest to be generally effective. Cut it down and make it less personal. Reveal your condition and feelings slowly, and gauge their responses at each step. Assume that this is a very casual relationship until you see evidence to the contrary, and behave appropriately (intimate revelations about yourself and your condition are generally viewed as inappropriate in casual relationships).
Unlike Sheldon however I do like engaging in coitus!


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You are very likely an aspie
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Kjas
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10 Nov 2012, 2:59 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
1814 wrote:
"...My dream in life is that you will think of me just like any other guy..."

This part especially sounds a bit dramatic. As thought you have waited your whole like to meet this one girl, and her liking you is the only important thing to you. If you want to disclose, I'd do it a lot more casually, like 1000Knives said.

It might be different for females, but I have disclosed at around date 2 before (and once online before meeting, because I had a suspicion the other person was aspie too). I did it when it was relevant to the conversation, like if we were talking about how we like to socialise or something like that. I'd talk about my preference for certain types of activities, then just drop it in as an explanation for that. No apologies or "so what do you think?" or anything, just a matter-of-fact statement. Similar to if someone were to say "I don't really enjoy going to 3D movies, but that's because I'm almost blind in one eye".


I have disclosed it on a first date before, but it was a matter of fact statement and extremely relevant to the conversation at hand... I literally could not answer the 2 questions without mentioning it.


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10 Nov 2012, 3:33 am

Why not just mention "I'm a little socially awkward sometimes" and leave it at that?



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10 Nov 2012, 3:38 am

BlueMax wrote:
Why not just mention "I'm a little socially awkward sometimes" and leave it at that?


Well even NTs can be a little socially awkward at times. You get diagnosed Aspergers when you're socially awkward more often than the NTs that can be a little socially awkward at times. At least that's how I understand it. It's like saying "I get sore muscles occasionally" when you have MS.