STOP taking women's decision making so personally...

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I can say I have been there as well. A girl doesn't like you because of whatever reason and you take it personally. I read the forums and it's common trend among some people. To get to the point.... just stop taking it personally. Chances are the decision making of other women has nothing to do with you and has way more to do with how they are thinking or feeling. Just let it go and move on.

/thought of the day.

But what if it does actually have directly to do with you?

What then?

You're farted.

Sometimes it is impossible to know it was you or the other person. Women do not really tell you if you did do something because they are too afraid to hurt your feelings. Well how am I supposed to know what to improve? Thanks a lot. sigh.

Make that stop taking everyones decisions personally - women can get just as upset by rejection as men!

When a girl rejects you she's rejecting *you* - so of course it's personal lol

My experience... girls have rejected me because another guy in the picture was someone she felt a stronger spark or attraction with. So, no.. the rejection actually had nothing to do with me and more to do with her feelings for someone else.

^ that's your experience.

It's likely the same experience you have had yourself to some level. I know how I behave when I take things personally and it doesn't go over well with a person I took personally. I am sure a lot of people have taken things you said or did personally when you were only looking out for your best interests.

I can also assure you though the exception to the non-personal rejection rule... I have been in a relationship of some kind for long enough for something to bother another person and that reason was a deep-rooted insecurity that I "wasn't good enough".

People shouldn't take rejection personally - it's impossible to know the complete set of someone else's thoughts, feelings, personality and motivations.

However - with the exception of those who really don't meet enough people - if you find yourself in a pattern of rejection consistently, then it's there for a reason.
Instead of taking it out on the people giving you that message, your time and energy is much better spent finding out why that pattern is there and doing what you can to change or improve it, especially when it comes to attitude and mindset.

I often wonder though how useful this advice is though. Changing attitudes and mindsets is not something you can just tell yourself to do, and many of the fundamental reasons for rejections among aspies are essentially hard-wired.

What irritates me is that this attitude that it is something can be changed is essentially a moral judgement on that person. It would be better for all sides involved for some sense of reality or proportion to be taken into account - a simple reassessment of the fact that you lack many of the basic mental attributes necessary to form normal healthy human relations - and therefore you need to accept what life has dealt you and focus your attention elsewhere. This seems more healthy than castigating people with already low self-esteem.

In this case, she rejected you because there was someone better than you in her eyes. How is that not a personal rejection?

I wasn't talking about the things that are hard wired. I was talking about things where you have a choice about it.

We may find it difficult to connect with people - that is hard wired. But we can choose how we deal with it.
Certainly, we all have different limitations, and we need to work within those. But there a world of difference between a limitation and something that seems like one simply because the beliefs you hold.
We can give up, become misanthropic about it, never or rarely make an effort - in such a case it's likely that even the people who would have liked you will skip over you because of how you choose to interact.
Or we can assess that it may be harder and less likely for us to connect and not take it personally - by making an effort, giving people a chance within reason, and not assuming the worst of people - you're much more likely to give others a chance to let them like you in the first place. At the very least, you're probably going to make some really good friends this way.

It's not a moral judgment. There are those of us who manage to have relationships and marriages, long and deep friendships, manage to maintain a social circle even if it is small - clearly we are capable. Some may be more capable of others - that's an individual decision. I don't believe focusing on dating helps anyone really - it should never be your main focus, you need to have a life and things you love. It's not about castigating people - it's just that if you're never willing to take a very long hard honest look at yourself and your patterns, then it's probably never going to change. I don't see developing self awareness and personal responsibility as a bad thing.

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This could be true but then again it may not be true.

You shouldn't take anything personally.

There is one thing someone told me that I really hate, but its true. "What people think of you is none of your business"

Why you ask. Because they are the ones thinking it. This basically means that people have every right to think whatever they want about you. It is a choice.

The next thing is, if someone rejects you why would you want anything more to do with them.

But I generally take offense to what others think of me. But I shouldn't. It is a complete and utter waste of time. I cannot change the way they feel. It is a lost cause. By saying the above "words of wisdom" I say it for anyone as well as for me. Maybe if I write it down I will start doing what other people have told me.

In the end it is all our choices what we do and only our choice and no one can make it for you.

I agree with OP. I could reject someone if I'm in the ''please just leave me alone''-mood. I could reject him for knowing he won't like me anyway. I recently rejected someone who's just (emotionally, all kinds of extremely childish behaviour) too young for me which isn't really related to his character, in the end. I don't like most ''normal'' men either; so if I'd reject someone that could also be because he's a standard type...with whom nothing is wrong at all!

Et cetera.