Good OkC messages

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Hello online daters!

There have been plenty of discussions about what people "should" and "shouldn't" write in a first message to someone on a dating site like OkCupid. Not so many actual examples. So I thought I'd start a thread where people can give examples of GOOD messages they have received (i.e. ones they felt compelled to respond to), so others who are unsure about what to write can get more of an idea of what people of their preferred gender like to read.

Now, I will readily admit that I am not your typical female online dater. However, after reading other females' (and successful males') advice on what constitutes a good message, I think my preference is fairly similar to a lot of women who are looking for a relationship.

Replace any specific/identifying details with <> in your examples.


Here's one of mine:

Hi <my username>,

I am <his real first name>. I like your profile. You seem to be <trait>, <trait> and <trait>. It's great that you like <an interest of mine>. It's such an interesting and evolving field. Where do you <do one of your hobbies that you mentioned>?

It would be nice to learn more about you.

<his first name again>

Yet after looking at this profile, he turns out to be 5'4 or ugly so you ignore him or you reply him once. :p

Yellow, you are more typical than you think.

And btw the message is very typical.

That's good if it's a typical message. Unless it's not really what most women want to receive. *shrug*

So anyway, back to the topic of good OkC messages...here's another:

Hi <my username>,

I'm <his real first name>.

Woah <trait of mine>! Can you <do something related to that trait, and no it's not kinky>? I know I'm getting kind of personal first off, but that interests me.

Great profile, by the way. Except for that part at the end where you <here he goes on to say something amusing>.

Message me back and we can debate <one of the OkC questions>.

...<his initial>

That sounds so corny. Don't you get sick of all that niceness?

Haha. It's much better than "Hey".

What do you think is a better message? Example!

I deleted a dating site account with 2000 unread messages from guys I didn't want to date saying messages just like those.

The only way to be interesting on a dating site:

Have good quality photos
Have photos doing things
If you get lucky you will ask someone something they don't just like but are passionate about (random luck whether theyre actually passionate or not)
Be tall
Be good looking
Be rich
Have an interesting profile.
Be charming (Hard if you're not the above)

I mean lets be honest. Not saying its right, but it's the truth.

I find I pay more attention to guys that ask me on a date straight away. That's just me though. I don't do bull s**t small talk, and I respect anyone saying they want to use me for sex a lot more than people lying about it.

^ But what would be your idea of a good message, or does it not really matter to you, the other things are much more important?

I started the thread basically because a lot of people have asked "what do I write in my first message?" and they tend to get told to write essentially what is in the examples I have given so far, I think, except that they are descriptions of what to write rather than actual examples. So I thought maybe people misinterpret the descriptions...I always feel that actual examples are better at getting the point across.

This thread would be more for people who are attractive to the person they write to, except they write a stupid message which ruins it. I don't even look at a person's profile if they write a message like "Hey" or one that looks clearly like a copy & paste. So I wouldn't ever find out what they are like, besides their profile pic thumbnail. So to me, first messages are important. I'm assuming they are to some other people, too.

Here's a link to an article about this type of stuff. It shows trends of what people respond to. Exactly What To Say In A First Message

em_tsuj: Yeah that's a good blog of theirs. It gets pretty specific, but still doesn't give actual complete examples of messages. Anyway, I've given a couple, would love others to join in but if not, no worries, end of thread.

Stalk: Authority, what? Do my examples suggest that the writers appreciate authority or something? I am really confused about what you are trying to say there.

Interesting that I would feel compelled to respond to those messages then, if they appeal to the inverse of me...

I do look forward to your example