On being autistic, Roger Elliot, and romance.

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Well, I'm still alive, I haven't posted in a while.

I've managed to come a long way in my days. As we all know, it's very difficult to be autistic and find success with any kind of women. That lack of success can drive us to great bitterness and resentment, especially toward women. However, with every year that passes, I get wiser and more mature, and find more and more success in the dating department.

I'm sure we've all heard about the terrible tragedy in California where one of our twisted, fallen brothers committed a horrific act that will help instill an ever greater stigma against us spectrumites. I am honestly saddened, largely because I know I've been down that road, had those thoughts, and now seeing where they can lead me has given me a resolve to never let such wicked thoughts pass through my head again.

Please, my brothers. Please do not follow the likes of me and Roger down that road, it is a torturous path that stands great potential to turn you into a monster. We need to be stronger than that, not just for ourselves but our fellows. Every time an autistic person does something terrible we all suffer for it. Let go of your hatred, of your bitterness, it is a poison of the heart that neurotypcials and autistics alike will sense and avoid you for.

Don't give up. Get a hobby. Clean up. Lift some weights. Practice your social skills. Read a few books (that AREN'T PUA or MRA-infested BS). Do all of these things while keeping your spirits high, and the women will come flocking to you, trust me. None of that PUA crap ever helped me, only becoming a genuinely good guy ever did. There's nothing sexier than being the real deal, and there's not a woman on the planet that would disagree with that, believe me.

We CAN do it...don't let any more tragedies like this occur my brothers. Let the world know what we're really made of, and we'll earn our place in society.

No fruitcake who turns a gun on innocent people is a brother of mine.

He deserved to be shot, and his parents should be f*****g ashamed.

Edited to add:

Apologies OP if my remarks are offensive, but any kind of solidarity with this disgusting entitled brat should be stamped on IMMEDIATELY.

It's OK to be socially isolated.

It's OK to be a virgin.

That kid was a monster, and he deserves NO SYMPATHY.

I think the onus is on the OP to apologise for offensive remarks. But good luck for him in sorting his own head out. at least it seems he is trying.

I don't think the OP was trying to be offensive, I suspect he's as disgusted at being associated with this scum as I.

As I said, he was one of our twisted, fallen brothers. This is not a post of sympathy, rather one of reckoning, of realization that we all have the potential to become monsters like him if we let our troubles get the best of us (Autistic hint: Using words like "twisted", "fallen", and "monster" should be fairly indicative of my utter condemnation of what happened).

I feel like an angel watching Lucifer being cast down from paradise.



Absolutely. Misgivings of referring to him as a brother aside (however fallen, twisted, and monstrous as he was), we need to all put in effort to help ensure another one of our kind never goes through with such a terrible act again.

Here's the problem, is it really love when a women can only tolerate me for my abilities? Abilities which WILL fade.

The truth is a lot of people on the spectrum have a much greater chance of finding REAL unconditional love, but that sort of love is extremely rare, hence their grief.

I could do all of those things, I can get into perfect shape, work on my social sills to at least rival NT's, but It just can't give me what I really want: real love, because real love isn't dependent on all of those conditions. Those things give you the illusion of love, which is what most people in this world have, but that's just not real love, that sort of love goes away once those abilities erode, which they will.

A decent woman will not stop loving you as you get older and frailer, just as a decent man will not stop loving a woman as she gets older and less "pretty". And, you should be loving a woman for a lot more than being pretty anyway. THAT is where the "unconditional" part comes in, a willingness to not give up on you as you go through your highs and lows, as you age, as you make mistakes and break each other's hearts. But...you gotta give her something worth loving first.

Stick in there, mate...trust me, you will have your world rocked the first time you find that really good gal, and the sensation of REAL love will be as sweet as ambrosia.

if 'decent' people were common a lot of the sadness you see in these boards wouldn't be there to begin with. it's unconditional because there was never anything you had to do or say to earn it, so an autistic man with not much to offer would be loved by such a person, but the decent you describe people aren't at all common.

If you're going to rely on those things to give you love, then you're going to encounter the sort of people that will love you based upon those things... and when those things fade away that love is going to be tested like never before. It just seems to me your way is the long way in discovering what I already know, I.E, love being so conditional and based upon ability.

It's a sort of conundrum in life that you can accomplish so much in a single life-time, yet still be so powerless in acquiring real love, you can be an extremely strong and powerful person, yet completely powerless in acquiring love, because love isn't bribed or coerced, it always comes freely and without any care of what it can gain from another's strength and ability.

It's that sort of thought that keeps me in limbo, and why I see those things as such a waste of time.

I'm sorry man, but you're not gonna get that kind of unconditional love, you have unrealistic expectations here. The unconditional love comes after you've earned it. "Unconditional" love isn't about loving someone just because, it's about sticking with someone worth loving no matter how bad it gets. But you've STILL gotta be worth it, and if you are, no amount of aging or hard times is going to pose a problem for you.

That's a condition though, and the path you're proposing will ultimate bring most humans to face the sad truth, when they decide to love based on ability you're going to have a tough time preserving that love once the ability goes away.

If you want to take that sort of path, and if others do -- fine. But they'll all have to remember that in the future... they're going find themselves right back at where I am. That stuff saps all my motivation because it makes the fruits of life appear much more deceptive than they are, although as a Christian I tend to view my life on the scale of heaven and eternity, which means I tend to emphasize on a love that can last past this life. Most people probably don't need to care about that because most people don't believe in heaven.

I found a nice quote a while ago, I'm not sure where it's from but it said "It's when I deserved it the least, that i needed it the most", that sort of puts the grievance into perspective.

If that's the case, then I'm sorry mate but your "unconditional" love doesn't exist, or is exceedingly rare. Welcome to the real world.



I see lots of couples stay together long after their looks and abilities have faded with age. I've seen couples stay together after one or both has fallen into financial or emotional ruin. That's as close to "unconditional" as you're gonna get, but that itself is pretty good.

I'll be honest mate, you sound like a guy that's simply unwilling to do what it takes to make himself desirable to women. Harden up and put in the hard work, or else the only women you deserve are those equally as unworthy as you. And trust me, you don't want that.

This is actually why I have a firm belief in God, because without him unconditional love wouldn't exist, and it's humans that draw from this sort of power that gives them the ability to give that sort of love to others, his relationship with man is analogical to a parent's relationship with their child, because the parent doesn't rely on the child's ability to earn their love, it's simply given because they are. (not to push this towards theology but just highlighting where my perspective comes from).

It does exist but it is extremely rare, and even in the above example, the parents tends to love the child because it's 'their' child, and the condition of blood is a condition itself "would I love my child if they were a stranger on the street?" That's another question that tends to sap all of my motivation, because many people wouldn't.



Often times old people can't do better though, there's also so many conditions that coerce them to stay together too, such as children and grand-children, "would I still be with her if she wasn't the mother of my child?" etc... and then all the economic restraints as well, if many old people were given the liberty, many would pack up and leave, but real love isn't coerced like this, and the relationship at this point tends to resemble something more of a prison sentence since it was conceived in the context of power since the start.

The thing is I can't ascribe any purpose to my worth, because my worth will change, if people love me based on my worth then I stop being loved once that worth plummets, I can't commit to that because it can't give me what I really want, it might give me shades or illusions of what I really wanted, but it just can't give me the real thing, because the real thing wasn't about strength in the first place. I can work as hard as anyone else I still remain just as distant from the thing that I really wanted, because the thing that I really wanted allows humans to love each other even in their weakest state.

I can understand where you're coming from, but just take this story into account, it's the story of my paternal grandparents.

My grandfather first met my grandmother when he was quite young, 17 or something like that. He was a hard-working, industrious young marine and these qualities attracted my grandmother to him. Fast forward about 25 years, and my grandfather has a major stroke that left half of his body paralyzed and unable to take care of himself. He was, by and large, an invalid no longer able to work.

However, my grandmother did not leave him. She did not stop loving him. She stuck with him for another 20 years, even as he continued to have more strokes and numerous heart attacks as well that left him even more and more disabled until he was practically a living, breathing, thinking shell unable to even wipe his own ass, let alone be the hard-working, industrious man he used to be.

But she never stopped loving him, and the reason for that was because he was worth it. She loved him until his last breath, and still loves and cherishes the memory of him every day...now, she's married again to a new man. This man found love again at the age of 70 years old, and why? Because HE'S WORTH LOVING. He's a fantastic man with a good heart that worked hard all his life, and even if he becomes an invalid, she will love him just as she loved my grandfather.

Don't lose hope, mate. It's never too late.

Anyone who attacks unarmed defenseless civilizations is not a brother of mine..Bullying is wrong and so is murdering people, there are other ways of having getting back at the bullies without using a gun like being the better person. He became a monster worse than the people who bullied him....

Not this again.

If you want to love, then love. That's up to you. Love everyone and everything. Try loving yourself. Not in a "I am the best! Me me me!" way, but such that you give yourself dignity and courage and self-assurance and decency, not for what it may (or even, God help us, 'should') get you, but because these things are the conditions of the possibility of love. Try loving others, not such that you abase yourself in acts of passive-aggressive self-pity, but that you don't go around thinking and saying hateful, hurtful s**t like "women have it easier because they can always use sex to get a man", or insisting that society is making a martyr of you.

Romantic love will come and go, tidal. One cannot choose to love someone romantically. But people do not feel only romantic love for their romantic partners. There is love for how and who the beloved is, and there is love for the fact that the beloved exists, and there is love for love's sake. None of these are 'cheap'.

Millions/most of romantic partners - 'couples' - through history have stayed with each other through to the end. Love hasn't declined with looks, or loss of a job. They have also been loved by family and friends to the end. Love does not have conditions. That is not the same as 'unconditional love', though. People - often women - have been abused and killed because they were told about the importance of 'unconditional love', which in the context of the expectations society has of them meant staying with someone no matter how badly they treated you.

Last edited by Hopper on 27 May 2014, 3:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, truthfully I hate gyms and have better ways to spend my free time. But then I'm not really bothered about being single and I have kind of realised that essentially I don't really want to live with anyone in any case, and find it annoying when people seem to suggest that this is what I should want. I mean, short relationships (which I have had) are fine and fun, but despite social conditioning telling me otherwise, I really don't want to live with someone else. I kind of realise this because those relationships I did have kind of showed me in a fundamental way how I really don't care about other people enough to properly reciprocate in a relationship, and I don't feel any need to be compelled to either. Which is why I find this guy's behaviour a bit bizarre to be honest. I'm not sure why he really cared about it all so much to do what he did. He could have done with developing a sense of proportion. There are worse things in the world that not having that which you have only been told that you should want.