Could have excessive openness destroyed my relationship?

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Mootoo
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24 Jul 2014, 10:44 am

I'm generally transparent with many people (and typically neurotypicals would react in horror, especially if it concerns the *absolutely terrifying* concepts of sexual matters)... but, of course, in a relationship sexual matters aren't secret at all. The thing is, I told him absolutely everything that was on my mind at any one time... some of which, considering neuroses etc. may have been too disconcerting for another person to hear. I just thought that as someone who appeared to love me that there was, very fundamentally, no need for any boundaries...



aspiemike
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24 Jul 2014, 11:16 am

I've posted a similar thread last night about why some secrets need to be kept to yourself. No matter how much a person loves you, if there is something you said or did (past or present) that makes them question the future of the relationship, it will halt the relationship or even end it. The only thing you can do at that point is to attempt to reassure your lover. If they're not satisfied with the assurance, you may have to let go and move on.


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1401b
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24 Jul 2014, 2:31 pm

Sometimes if I'm having a bad day and a friend says, 'Hi! How are you doing?'
I'll lie and say, 'Super!' convincingly to save them from having to take on the added load of being worried about my crap too.

Get my point?
It might be generous of you to not bury your friends/partners in too much of your stuff.
It may be a way to be kind to people you like.
A real friend will read between the lines so you have to try very hard to never give the slightest discoverable hint of the things you'd rather not 'plague' them with.

crap, I dunno if that made a lick of sense.


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Eureka13
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24 Jul 2014, 3:20 pm

I think we all wish for a relationship with someone with whom we do not have to constantly employ all the "filters" we employ to get through our day-to-day lives.

I've only had one person in my life who we could truly say anything at all to each other and not feel like the other was judging. But it's very difficult to find that level of acceptance from any other person. At this point, since he is no longer alive, I'm not expecting to ever find someone else with whom I can be that comfortable, so I am resigned to being alone rather than expend the energy necessary to keep my filters in place 100% of the time.