IF I KNOW a girl likes me, it becomes a LOT harder to ask?!

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So whenever I meet a girl I like, at THAT point, if I dont ask them out, it will get harder and harder everytime I see them. It literally drove me insane one time because I was getting all these signals that she liked me, and with every signal it felt harder. I would run conversations through my head as I usually do when trying to prepare talking to someone of importance, and I would always just feel like i was going to say something dumb and screw it up...so I never talked to her for 1-2 years, then FINALLY I get her number...and, well, I did the most embarrassing thing I could ever do lol. Thank god im under an alias otherwise I wouldnt say this stuff. I sent her a text a few days later and it was a hardcore kind of text about how much I like her and how I feel my brain freaks out whenever we make eye contact( this is months before I knew what aspergers was) SO Yeah, I literally said that my brain freaks out whenever we look at eachother and thats why Ive been unable to talk to her the whole time. She responded with, Okaayyy, im sorry for leading you on but i met someone else, or something to that effect.. My reaction? I felt relief. Why in the hell would I feel relief? I literally felt like a 1000lb weight had been lifted off of me when the girl of my dreams rejected me lol.

I would literally think about this girl 100times a day at one point. It got worse and worse, I somehow liked her more and more as time went on whenever I would see her at the gym, yet I never really talked to her.

Weird stuff.

The signs of her liking me,
1. I show up at the gym without my card and have to give my name, and she says in a real curious tone, what is your last name? like shes been wondering all day or some s**t, thats how she sounded.
2. When I said bye to her one time, I walkd past her and she says my name lightly under her breath and like reaches at me while im walking away lol. i didnt know how to react as I saw it in the corner of my eye happening, so i just kept going.
3. Hmmm, im trying to think because this happened 8 months ago, but there were a ton more.

SO FASTFORWARD to 2-3months later, the day after V-day.

I'm at the club with all the guys I usually hangout with, and I see her pass me but its really dark in there so i wasnt sure. 5minutes later I look to my left and shes across the club with her back turned to me. I make eye contact with her friend for a split sec thats facing me, right when I do this she starts to tap the girl on the shoulder and point at me for her to look. I Immediately react by shaking my head nooo and I turn around and ask a friend a stupid question to create conversation.. I dont think you understand the level of sensory overload, thats the reason why I react in the ways that I do.

I used to think I was just shy around the girls I liked(because thats how I would act). But the thing is, i've never felt shy( I find its incredibly easy for me to meet new people). Infact I prefer meeting new people because the conversations ARE SOO MUCH EASIER than talking to close friends I hangout with a lot. But thats for another topic/forum section.

I used to think my social skills were lagged behind my peers in college because I played online videogames a lot in highschool, So for the past few years I've been in a very very social circle. I thought I was gaining social skills but couldnt ever figure out why I wasnt getting better at them and how it felt more difficult to connect to close friends the closer the got.

I forced myself to always go out, party party all the time, and IVE NEVER FELT LIKE MYSELF until i'm alone. I would walk away from conversations with friends and be like, what the hell is going on, why is it getting harder the more I hangout with someone??


Right now im in very social isolation. Or shutdown or whatever.

I used to tell people that I would socially isolate a few times a year so they wouldnt feel like I was avoiding them and I lose them as a friend. This was years before I knew what aspergers was.

I'm forcing myself to live with friends becaus I know if I live by myself, i'm screwed. I would never hangout with anyone.

Kinda went off on tangents i think but whatever. This is more of a lesson than it is a question. NEVER think that its going to be easier to talk to someone you like a lot the next time you see them, it spirals and becomes impossible. I would sit in my truck outside the gym trying to talk myself into going in there and getting her number time and time again, knowing she liked me but it didnt register or give me ANY confidence, whyyy the hell didnt it give me confidence?

Oh and when I would talk to girls who were friends infront of her, I could tell she was watching and wondering why I wouldnt talk to her.

This s**t is a curse but I wouldnt trade my brain for anyone elses, its all I have in terms of having confidence of being successful in the future, my creativity tis strong. I'm the first in my family to not complete college lol. My dads an engineer and definitely has it, and both my brothers are programmers and have it. Ive always felt like the black sheep in my family but one day they'll see

Can relate. I don't have social anxiety, I have girl anxiety. I'm fine with being around other people so long as they're either male or outside of my age range. It just feels weird talking to girls of roughly my age, not because I don't like them but because I do. For example I hardly ever talk to my friend's girlfriends. Not that I wanna hit on them but still it makes me feel like a home wrecker even though I know that's irrational. Shyness may begin as a rational fear but it ends up I'm shy about stuff even when I know logically that I shouldn't be.

And when a girl is flirting with me I think "I'm 99% sure she's flirting with me but before I react I need to be 100% sure. The moment passes and it's too late.




Well if it works for you. One time I lived with a friend for a few years but mostly ignored each other. If we were living apart and one of us came over we'd hang out but when we were in the same house there was no longer any reason too.



So much in psychology can be explained by positive and negative feedback loops.

I think the problems you are having socially or romantically is because you are thinking too much and action becomes harder. Isolation comes and then you start thinking about things too much. The over thinking likely had issues with you developing confidence. Thinking and no action gets me nowhere. Action without thinking on the other hand is hit or miss.

I drift apart from friends all the time. They also drift apart from other friends. But instead of letting go, you tried to minimize the risk of offending with a weird explanation to them about why you are going to disappear. I find explaining myself in these situations never bears me any fruit.

This is a common neurodiverse trait. The only morally correct solution I've found to this problem is to convince myself that I am *not* in love or attracted to this girl, but that I simply need to talk to her about something important (the more pressing issue the better). Then you go up and chat with her. It can work with practise. In fact, I know it works with some practice.

IMHO, the reason for this is that the neurodiverse courtship ritual is real complicated and full of blocks. When somebody with this ritual tries to date in the usual way, it all fails miserably primarily because neurodiverse people are not supposed to have close contact, and approach each others until they are securely attached. It all becomes a catch-22..