Have a new girlfriend who I'm trying to motivate

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Hi,

I just got a new girlfriend who is also on the spectrum. She claims she has an IQ of 89, which I highly doubt as she got a bachelors degree in history, went for a masters, and is reading 5 books dealing with history, psychology, and philosophy. She managed to read a book on Thomas Jefferson in 3 days. She feels stigmatized by her IQ I think and believes she can't do more than a job at TJ Maxx where she works. I've been trying to motivate her, but she gets offended, thinking I should accept her for the way she is and that I would drop her for a career woman. It's not true; I do like her a lot so far and I see she's miserable working only at the store. She's been busy searching other jobs on various job boards. She just feels she won't get much and that she should be resigned to a minimal position. How can I motivate her without seeming too pushy or make it seem like I want to mold her in my image?

Just show her research which proves that IQ, at times, lack applicability for autism spectrum disorders.

IQ is not the "be all-end all." That's obvious. It's been proven, again and again, that it's not necessarily a reflection of a person's intelligence.

She has a bachelor's degree. She could get many positions beyond retail/fast food. She should look at the civil service listings for her area. I've been a civil servant for 34 years. It doesn't pay that great--but the job security is almost unmatched. How fast does she type? How much knowledge does she have of something like the Microsoft Suite?

Nothing wrong with working retail/fast food per se--I'm talking about the low salaries. She could get a higher salary with a bachelor's.

Erm, to play devil's advocate: IQ is a measure of a person's cognitive thinking. Her degree and interests may rely on memorization but her grasping of the knowledge may not be equally up to the task. Ergo, like the guy that was a walking wikipedia yet had trouble understanding most of what he had memorized.

Not stating your GF is like that, just stating the possibility. You also need to keep an open mind...just as she should have an open mind about her potential and capabilities.

Even if her iq is 89, that's not that low. 68% of people fall in the range of 85-115, so that's just average.
She is clearly capable to get a bachelor's degree. I think a bigger problem is that a degree in history is not worth as much to the job market as f.e. a degree in engineering or finance.

I'd say let her be.

It's a very tough job market for anyone. I have former students working for near-minimum wage in all kinds of temporary and low-status jobs because that's what they've been able to get. I know they're bright and hardworking, but the job market is just not there. I would say it's actually realistic to believe that regardless of qualifications, she may wind up with retail. It takes a robust ego to handle serial rejection, too.

One way of handling it might be for her to seek extra responsibility and opportunity in the job that she's got, and prove to herself that she really is capable of these things. Again, though, that needs to be her choice, not yours. Support rather than trying to lead. Let her know that if she wants your help and support in seeking something more ambitious, you are happy to give them, but only if she asks. And if she does not, but complains instead, you can let her know (nicely and not in a bullying way) that while you're sympathetic, you would rather not go over and over the same territory, especially when you feel that there is a way out she's not taking -- and suggest doing something fun instead.

This. You can model by example, but true motivation happens within. Personally, I have a huge contrary streak that resents being lead by the nose--even if it's in my best interest.