Aspie is cutting me out of his life

Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

Chloeee3e
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 17 Apr 2016
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

17 Apr 2016, 2:25 pm

Hey, I've been really good friends with a person who has aspergers, he started cathing feelings for me and I think that he got the hint that I liked him as a friend only. About a week after that he started completely cutting me off from his life, he's my classmate, so everyday at school he wouldn't even look at me, he wouldn't talk to me, after that he started telling others that I'm not worth any kind of respect, downgraded, intolerant and etc. I have no idea where this is coming from or how could I have offended him since I've never said a word about him. I'm really lost



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

17 Apr 2016, 2:28 pm

He's a teenager with a broken heart. Nothing to explain. Teenagers don't act in the most mature ways. The pain is making him angry and he's lashing out. It's not nice, but it is human.



Chloeee3e
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 17 Apr 2016
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

17 Apr 2016, 2:38 pm

I feel like I should talk to him about it but at the same time I feel like he wouldn't reply to me since he removed me from all of the social media. Should I try it or this whole thing will be over in the future? I don't want to cause more problems



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,683
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

17 Apr 2016, 2:39 pm

Badmouthing because of that is so low of him.



0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

17 Apr 2016, 5:56 pm

His pride is hurt.

It is pretty stupid, but some people start resent who they admire, when they don't feel the same way.

He is probably more beat up about it than you, not that you should humour him.

I suggest if you broach the subject at all, you be fairly frank and to the point with him. Tell him you are sorry that you don't feel the same way, but he should try to get over it and stop being restful, becuase nobody is going to what to date someone like that. Also it is not goign to change anything.

If he doesn't want to be your friend that is fine, he needs to do whatever it takes to get over it. However if he is badmouthing bad mouthing you then you are not going to sit there an take it, you will set the record straight.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

18 Apr 2016, 12:27 am

Actually that's a good point about talking to him directly. You don't have to take being bad mouthed. That isn't fair. He has no right to ruin your reputation.

I guess the only way to talk to him is to go up to him at school if he's ignoring all electronic contact.



muffinhead
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 273

18 Apr 2016, 11:11 pm

I've done similar things to girls who have rejected me romantically; in one case, it was with a female friend of mine who took a couple of months to finally tell me she didn't like me that way. In this guy's case, he's being pretty immature, but I still share his frustration. It's a defensive mechanism; he's most likely trying to avoid the pain and frustration of being around someone who can never give him what he wants, in this case you. Trust me, I've done the exact same thing. I think the best thing to do with him is to tell him plainly that you will never be romantically interested, but genuinely value him as a friend. Perhaps he thinks you were using the "friend" excuse as a means to kindly reject him. The badmouthing of you by him, however, is inexcusable. At the very least, confront him about that.


_________________
Neurodiverse score: 139/200
Neurotypical score: 62/200


Jacoby
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Arizona

19 Apr 2016, 8:59 am

I don't know if there is an answer to fix this situation, if he's talking trash about you then I guess confront him about it but that might be the end of that relationship. Let it burn, maybe he'll value you as a friend and if not then I guess it wasn't meant to be.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

19 Apr 2016, 12:29 pm

It's just his way of getting rid of his feelings for you. As you are in his class, he cannot just decide never to see you again, so he has to ignore you and even think of you as a bad person to be able to move on. Many Aspies cannot easily move on like NTs can.