Why are women into me at first, and then they lose interest?

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I don't get it. I do NOT connect well with people in general, but I can hold down conversations. I just don't understand how to build romantic interest. I can get a date EVERY Friday night, it seems (using that TINDER app thing), but almost NEVER a second date!

My picture is my avatar, am I a decent looking guy? I think I'm attractive physically, no?

I sympathize, I think I have a similar problem. Being ok enough looking but not being able to follow through with connection is like giving someone an empty chocolate wrapper that doesn't show up empty straight away.

Have you ever had a relationship in the past? If yes, perhaps thinking back to what made it happen could help with second dates.

You are downright adorable-looking.

All I can think of to offer is, in order to be interestING, be interestED. Ask questions, but not like a rapid-fire inquisition. Ask a thoughtful question and then really listen to the answer. Ask follow-up questions that show that you were really listening. Be polite, but engaged. Be "on," but relaxed. Talk a little about yourself, but don't dominate the conversation with "me, me, me."

Trust me, I know all of the above is easier said than done. I'm still working on some of it at age 57. I still get stilted and socially awkward at times with new people, but once I've gotten to know someone reasonably well, most think I'm pretty fun to be around.

Thanks Eureka, I try to ask questions, and let the woman talk about herself a lot. It seems that I do everything right "on paper" but I never see any results. I'm at a loss. I don't know what else to do. People tell me I'm a good looking guy, and I get a lot of dates. But something just isn't right and I don't know what it is. Something is missing, or I'm doing something wrong and not realizing it. *sigh*. I guess the fact that I'm going out with a lot of women from Manhattan probably doesn't help (high expectations?). But...I should be doing much better than I am. I'm looking for a serious relationship, not one night stands. It's very, very tough right now. I'm very down, and very depressed. I just don't think anything is ever going to work.

Hmm... If you can't connect with people well, that may be it. Another poster posted this article, and if being a listener isn't working I don't think there's anything to be lost on trying an alternative:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/what- ... meone-else

There seems to be a lot of attractive people on here, but attraction is only the initial part. You have to try to not be awkward when you're with people-- which isn't always easy. I think that people may be misreading you and maybe you've turned them off by something you've done or said. It's hard to say for sure. It could really be anything.

I just wish people would be more understanding. Why do they have to be so judgmental? I'm a good person at heart, I just get nervous when first meeting new people. No one seems to give me a chance and it really, really sucks. It hurts.

You might have a condition known as "Aspergers Syndrome", this is where though you might be able to communicate on a verbal level, you will completely lack the more important subtle methods of communication that are invisible to those with this syndrome and without which, pair bonding will be very difficult indeed.

At least the women show interest in you and you are above average in physical appearance. Below average/ugly guys like me never have to worry about being lead on by women and their childish mind games.

What are some examples? Knowing when to touch a person? The way I look at them? I don't think I ever say anything outrageous. Am I supposed to randomly wink at a woman every 5 minutes or something? I just don't get this "subtle" language you speak of. To me, I'm acting normal and on par with everyone else! Just a little more nervous perhaps.

If anything the women I go out with are weird. They say they want to go out again, then end up flaking, or "changing their mind"...completely unstable. And I'm the weird one? It just baffles me. I don't act like that, and yet I'm considered "abnormal" to them. It defies logic to me.

No good asking me, I was in exactly the same boat, indescribably good looking but not being able to speak the language of Love whatever that might be, left me as attractive in the long term as a Burtons manikin, Iam single and a member of Wrong Planet too you know.

The only long tern relationships I was ever in revolved around my Penis and womens desire for it, I was just an attachment to it.

If women were interested in you they would tell you they are interested in you. Sit back and wait for things to happen never bother making the first move.

Unfortunately people do that a lot... They can say one thing out of politeness, but think the opposite. Then again, sometimes people are busy or genuinely have something coming up; I had to cancel a date recently due to very bad cold and the man got very angry at me and thought I tried to ignore him.

There are a lot of details that can be an issue, unfortunately good looks can only get you so far. Eureka gave some very good advice. What kind of topics do you usually talk about on your dates? Do you think you might come across as too eager or too passive? Do you have interests or passions in your life? I would advice against winking or too quick physical flirting, especially if you want a long-term relationship. If you seem very nervous, the other person may feel uncomfortable.

You're not alone... I would think most people on this site struggle with similar issues in their lives.

Same thing happens to me. Girls say they like me, some go as far to tell me they love me, and the next thing you know they go off with someone better.

This pretty much describes my issue down to the letter as well. I seem to have very little problem with getting dates, but after said dates their interest levels seem to plummet off a cliff. I think it has to do with this "chemistry" thing that everyone talks about but no one can define. But even then, I've had so many things in common with a few of the people I've gone out with (one was even basically a female version of me), that I just can't figure it out.

This was extremely interesting to me, because it explains something to me that had previously been inexplicable: first of all, why my late fiance and I bonded so instantly when we first met. Second, why some of the people I have talked to online seem to have "clicked" with me, but I haven't "clicked" with them (I am showing vulnerability by talking about the loss of my fiance, but they are not returning the favor).

To the OP (and others) - read the link and watch the videos.

I can see approaching this in a scientific fashion. Come up with a "confession" that is something very personal about yourself (but that doesn't paint you in an overly negative light), and tell your date about it at some point when the conversation is flowing fairly well.

One other caveat - if this works at first, it doesn't mean you've created a relationship.....you've just created a path to a second date. You will have to maintain the "click" you created for the relationship to go further. Maybe you will have to go into a little greater depth on your original "confession." Maybe there's something else you could "confess." I also note that if it doesn't go both ways, i.e., if BOTH people don't show equal vulnerability, it won't work. But if you can entice the other into opening up to you with your display of vulnerability, to display a vulnerability of their own, I would think that's half the battle.

And I don't think it means one should be a sniveling, vulnerable mess 100% of the time. I'm pretty sure it means every once in awhile showing a glimpse of vulnerability. IOW, unassailable strength is intimidating; total vulnerability could be seen as being weak and be off-putting. If you can show that you're a reasonably competent, mostly functional person with a human side (the vulnerability), that is an picture that is extremely attractive to most people.