Is this a sign I'm not ready to date?

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DevilKisses
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01 Sep 2016, 11:53 pm

I hate filling out dating profiles. I can never think of anything. When I do think of stuff, I end up sounding boring and stilted. I hate when people ask what I'm doing in life. My chronic fatigue makes it impossible for me to live a normal life. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to pretend I'm living a normal life. I just want some experience. I don't give a flying fck about finding my true love or anything serious.


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Outrider
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02 Sep 2016, 1:23 am

No such thing.

Don't be concerned about whether you're 'ready' or not, because there's plenty of people who definitely aren't ready and can't handle the responsibilities that come with a relationship yet enter one after another anyway, and plenty of people who are as ready as possibly yet can't even get a date.

The conditions of your current life and your personality have no weight or bearing on whether you should be in one or not.

There's plenty of dysfunctional individuals that end up with other dysfunctional people.

Besides, your issues don't sound that major at all.

It is very difficult for everyone to fill out a dating profile, especially without lying or exaggerating as well.

Also, in my opinion, most people are far less interesting than their profiles say. Most people are trying to come across as interesting and spectacular as possible.

Don't buy it for a second.

You are not 'boring' and there surely would be many people in this world that find you interesting, just like for me too.

I know how it feels to sometimes 'feel' boring. Left right and centre I see a lot of millenials today are trying way too hard to hipster, unique and special.

To me it comes across as tryhard and a lot of the time pretentious.

The most interesting women to me are very ordinary, plain ones who might not have much hobbies/interests. Even if all she does is work, then maybe watch some tv and maybe facebook on her phone. Whatever. She is far more genuine and honest about herself than a lot of the 'unique' people I've met.

Chronic fatigue? I feel like I have that as well.

How does it negatively affect you? It hasn't had too much of an impact on my life aside from feeling fatigued in the afternoons.

Most days by 3-5 I'll feel the need to just lie in bed in the afternoon sun. Not even a nap or sleep, just lying down and resting my eyes or with eyes open. By 6 however I'll feel a little less tired again, but still not at full functioning capacity. At 7pm I workout, and sometimes I'll be so fatigued I need to give myself an extra pep talk, but 99% of the time I slog through.

Right now it's 4:45pm and I'm in this mood right now.

Ironically, I'm a night owl and have plenty of energy at night, so throughout the day my energy fluctuates.

Anyway, I feel like a liar on dating profiles. I have to come across as interesting and doing things, but I'm really not.

I have no real-life friends nearby as I only just moved here. NEET lifestyle (not studying, not working). Going to get into volunteering soon.

But still. In my plan for a profile I come across as extraverted and generally doing things, but in reality I don't drive, don't leave the house except with family, and just spend all my time on the net or playing video games or, if I can find the motivation, working on my music (which I haven't and it's been MONTHS).



DevilKisses
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02 Sep 2016, 2:21 am

Outrider wrote:
No such thing.

Don't be concerned about whether you're 'ready' or not, because there's plenty of people who definitely aren't ready and can't handle the responsibilities that come with a relationship yet enter one after another anyway, and plenty of people who are as ready as possibly yet can't even get a date.

The conditions of your current life and your personality have no weight or bearing on whether you should be in one or not.

There's plenty of dysfunctional individuals that end up with other dysfunctional people.

Besides, your issues don't sound that major at all.

It is very difficult for everyone to fill out a dating profile, especially without lying or exaggerating as well.

Also, in my opinion, most people are far less interesting than their profiles say. Most people are trying to come across as interesting and spectacular as possible.

Don't buy it for a second.

You are not 'boring' and there surely would be many people in this world that find you interesting, just like for me too.

I know how it feels to sometimes 'feel' boring. Left right and centre I see a lot of millenials today are trying way too hard to hipster, unique and special.

To me it comes across as tryhard and a lot of the time pretentious.

The most interesting women to me are very ordinary, plain ones who might not have much hobbies/interests. Even if all she does is work, then maybe watch some tv and maybe facebook on her phone. Whatever. She is far more genuine and honest about herself than a lot of the 'unique' people I've met.

Chronic fatigue? I feel like I have that as well.

How does it negatively affect you? It hasn't had too much of an impact on my life aside from feeling fatigued in the afternoons.

Most days by 3-5 I'll feel the need to just lie in bed in the afternoon sun. Not even a nap or sleep, just lying down and resting my eyes or with eyes open. By 6 however I'll feel a little less tired again, but still not at full functioning capacity. At 7pm I workout, and sometimes I'll be so fatigued I need to give myself an extra pep talk, but 99% of the time I slog through.

Right now it's 4:45pm and I'm in this mood right now.

Ironically, I'm a night owl and have plenty of energy at night, so throughout the day my energy fluctuates.

Anyway, I feel like a liar on dating profiles. I have to come across as interesting and doing things, but I'm really not.

I have no real-life friends nearby as I only just moved here. NEET lifestyle (not studying, not working). Going to get into volunteering soon.

But still. In my plan for a profile I come across as extraverted and generally doing things, but in reality I don't drive, don't leave the house except with family, and just spend all my time on the net or playing video games or, if I can find the motivation, working on my music (which I haven't and it's been MONTHS).

Chronic fatigue basically forces me into a NEET lifestyle. I know some people are happy with a NEET lifestyle, but I'm definitely not. I spend a lot of energy trying to hide that I'm living a NEET lifestyle. I'm also trying to avoid people who are living a NEET lifestyle. Mainly because I want to stop living this lifestyle. I think meeting people in the NEET lifestyle will make it harder for me to change. It seems like people are most interested in the way I live my life. Being a NEET makes me feel extremely subhuman.


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Outrider
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02 Sep 2016, 6:29 am

All too true.

I'm ok with dating a NEET girl though, but with women becoming far more independent today I feel they are exceptionally rare. I'm all for women being independent, but it's in my experiences most men and women want someone equal to their level of education/job/career.

This leaves many aspie men in the dust as most young women our age are going to university, driving, own a car, live on their own, etc. and this gives us a lot to live up to. I even see a lot of aspies doing all these independent things easily. Makes me jealous.

Again, I'm not against this, just saying how it negatively affects aspie men 18-25, that's all. I've always thought it's a lot harder for a man to be a NEET but that's not to say I don't believe you when you say you're judged negatively by society because of it if you think this is the case.

Most men are doing these things too. It's becoming harder for anyone falling slightly behind the rest to catch-up. I wish I could catch-up but feel myself falling behind already. The people I graduated high school with, most of them are already light years ahead of me.

I have a good feeling the chronic fatigue will negatively me too since my energy levels are so irregular. I'll have to get my act together if I want to study.

I can do volunteering just fine as long as I don't have to start too early in the day.

I'm simply not a morning person, and it sucks society and culture revolves around it so much.

But i'd still rather work at day for safety (I have agoraphobia and a fear of being outside even at day, at night it's ten fold) and even if I have more energy at night, it seems I'd rather just chill than have to work. It takes energy to have fun. I need the energy I have at night to do things I enjoy to remain sane.

At day time I definitely function best at 12-5, which is what my hours were the last place I volunteered.

It can take 2-3 hours just to prepare myself for something and wake up properly (the typical breakfast, shower, etc.). It's that difficult. If I wake up at 9.00 I'll only be truly ready by about 11.30.

Just because I got ready in 30mins in high school in the morning doesn't mean I'm good at it. I'd wake up as late as possible while still having enough time to get ready, dressed sloppily, skipped the basics like teethbrushing, literally ate breakfast in the car or even on the go. I'd finish the cereal before first class, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't bring my tea mug into the classroom. :lol:



kraftiekortie
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02 Sep 2016, 9:33 am

Two people together, living a NEET lifestyle, is not neat.

It tends to lead to trouble.



DevilKisses
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02 Sep 2016, 10:26 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Two people together, living a NEET lifestyle, is not neat.

It tends to lead to trouble.

I agree. Which is why I'm trying my best to hide my NEET lifestyle, date and make friends with non-NEETs and become a non-NEET myself. Once you're a NEET it's extremely hard to become a non-NEET. I doubt making NEET friends will help my situation.


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AngryAngryAngry
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03 Sep 2016, 3:19 am

Congratulations. You don't want to be NEET.
That is the first step.

Try to set up a kind of business that you can do from home. Flourist might be good?

As for your dating profile, even if you ramble on about say a favourite book of yours.
That can be super interesting to someone else. Try it, you might find someone that shares your interests.



DevilKisses
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03 Sep 2016, 8:25 pm

AngryAngryAngry wrote:
Congratulations. You don't want to be NEET.
That is the first step.

Try to set up a kind of business that you can do from home. Flourist might be good?

As for your dating profile, even if you ramble on about say a favourite book of yours.
That can be super interesting to someone else. Try it, you might find someone that shares your interests.

I'm going to audit some courses at university soon, so I won't exactly be NEET. I don't know how to talk about school. I'm thinking of avoiding too many details. I'm also planning on getting into the art scene more. I don't count on making a living, but it's still something nice to get into. It could also help me look non-NEET.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical