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Jamesy
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26 Dec 2016, 4:53 pm

Recently at the bar I met this guy for the first time and he told me he had aspergers (he's from Canada).

Later in the evening these 2 young women from his workplace showed up to join us, I found there behaviour rude and they were snobby to both of us. Out of annoyance/anxiety I said to the Canadian guy "forget about these 2 work friends of yours lets go do something else" after the remark I made one of his work friends said to the autistic guy from Canada "Is this the guy who was in your bed last night?". The 2 women both then left me and my friend at the table together.

What did she mean exactly when she said "is this the guy who was in your bed last night"?



voidofcontext
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26 Dec 2016, 4:57 pm

They were insinuating that you are homosexual partners as an insult. They sound rude as you described.


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Jamesy
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26 Dec 2016, 5:13 pm

voidofcontext wrote:
They were insinuating that you are homosexual partners as an insult. They sound rude as you described.



Yeah I am satisfied that I gave them rudeness back. Sick and tired of women having a downer on us aspie guys :evil:



amykitten
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26 Dec 2016, 5:28 pm

I think that was a little uncalled for what the women said. But don't think we're all like that. Some of us are nice and decent people.



Jamesy
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26 Dec 2016, 5:44 pm

amykitten wrote:
I think that was a little uncalled for what the women said. But don't think we're all like that. Some of us are nice and decent people.



In western society females can get away with so much bad behaviour towards men its no wonder women love the power they have.



voidofcontext
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26 Dec 2016, 5:51 pm

There is a lot of bad behaviour on both sides. There are movements on both sides of the gender debate exploiting hostility and ignorance and we should be wary of this.

I am 100% that the interaction you had with this Canadian guy and his 2 colleagues is not representational of typical male-female interactions. Adding this to a litany of other sleights while diminishing the myriad positive interactions and relationships that exist achieves nothing but fosters tension, resentment and more ill-will.

Many of us, as autistic individuals, have experience of judgements being made without full possession of the facts and instead relying on generalisation and anecdotes to inform opinion. This view point you are expressing is the exact same thing.


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Jamesy
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26 Dec 2016, 6:00 pm

voidofcontext wrote:
There is a lot of bad behaviour on both sides. There are movements on both sides of the gender debate exploiting hostility and ignorance and we should be wary of this.

I am 100% that the interaction you had with this Canadian guy and his 2 colleagues is not representational of typical male-female interactions. Adding this to a litany of other sleights while diminishing the myriad positive interactions and relationships that exist achieves nothing but fosters tension, resentment and more ill-will.

Many of us, as autistic individuals, have experience of judgements being made without full possession of the facts and instead relying on generalisation and anecdotes to inform opinion. This view point you are expressing is the exact same thing.




I think a lot of women dislike aspie men don't they? It doesn't fit the traditional role.



voidofcontext
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26 Dec 2016, 6:14 pm

I think a lot of women have not had experience of interacting with aspie men (that they are aware of). They may find themselves awkward or anxious about the 'correct' way to approach them and may also not be familiar with some of the traits exhibited, which can some times be perceived as rude behaviour if not familiar. All of this can create tension as well.

But just the same, there can just be some people who are not very nice/rude/ignorant by nature.


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AnneOleson
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26 Dec 2016, 9:36 pm

Jamesy wrote:
voidofcontext wrote:
They were insinuating that you are homosexual partners as an insult. They sound rude as you described.



Yeah I am satisfied that I gave them rudeness back. Sick and tired of women having a downer on us aspie guys :evil:

How did the women know that either of you were aspies?



Jamesy
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26 Dec 2016, 10:46 pm

AnneOleson wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
voidofcontext wrote:
They were insinuating that you are homosexual partners as an insult. They sound rude as you described.



Yeah I am satisfied that I gave them rudeness back. Sick and tired of women having a downer on us aspie guys :evil:

How did the women know that either of you were aspies?




Mannerisms/appearance



amykitten
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27 Dec 2016, 4:33 am

Jamesy wrote:
amykitten wrote:
I think that was a little uncalled for what the women said. But don't think we're all like that. Some of us are nice and decent people.



In western society females can get away with so much bad behaviour towards men its no wonder women love the power they have.


So your saying western men aren't as bad? Some of the ones I've been unfortunate enough to encounter have also been equally judgemental, shallow and rude. I think its some where in human nature to ridicule others who appear different, this might be due to accepting people who are different is quite a new thing in the time scale of man kind.



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27 Dec 2016, 8:32 am

yes. I think that teasing, ridicule and bullying are very common among mankind.
Not all teasing is meant to hurt, some of it is playful.
Ridicule / bullying on the other hand is meant to hurt.

I grew up with an older brother who teased me from the day i was born.
I learnt to cope by replying or by teasing him back.
My teasing is a defense mechanism or at times, nothing but playful communicating.
But as I am an aspo, i sometimes tease people at the wrong time.
This means i end up saying things that are inappropriate.

When i say things that are a cheeky, I don't mean to hurt people but just as a playful bit of banter that is interaction between friends. Such interaction can be fun and funny for both parties if not taken seriously.

Bullying / hurtful ridicule of course is hurtful and is something that i do not like.
Although sometimes people can perceive playful teasing as bullying.

If you are with friends, you should be able to ask what the teasing means. If you think it is bullying, you can reprimand the person for doing so or at least work out if it is bullying, whether you want that person as a friend or not.

I previously had some problems with someone who i thought was my friend who stole from me.
When I questioned him why he had taken something that was mine, he tried to manipulate me by saying that "as we were friends i should be happy to give him this item". No. He was a bully and a thief. So, i decided to break contact with him as I realised he was just an abusive thief who had delusions of grandeur thinking he had superior intellect which gave him super powers of manipulation over people which allowed him get away with his abuse. But like I say, he was delusional.

The options i had was to:

A>break contact with him and not put up with any more abuse.

B>stay in contact him and act like a door mat, allowing him to steal from me and at the same time allowing him to maintain his delusion.

C>beat him up (which i am more than capable) but then get arrested and put in prison. So bad, for me.

D>negotiate with him to get him to return or compensate me for my loss. But this wasn't the first time he stole from me, so i decided to not bother. I also realised he wasn't likely to change and what i needed was not to maintain the relationship but a friend that wasn't such a jerk. So i figured i would be better off looking for a buddy who didn't steal from me and then insult me by trying to intellectually trick me into thinking that his abuse was right.



madbutnotmad
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27 Dec 2016, 8:34 am

ps. the woman may have been pissed because you didn't make a pass at them.
2 men, 2 woman.
if you dont give some woman attention, they will get annoyed, say something nasty and go look for men who will give them attention.



kraftiekortie
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27 Dec 2016, 11:23 am

It is a reminder that bars really aren't the best place to meet people

Why do you go to them all the time?



Jamesy
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27 Dec 2016, 11:34 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It is a reminder that bars really aren't the best place to meet people

Why do you go to them all the time?



It's better than being a recluse



madbutnotmad
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27 Dec 2016, 1:32 pm

I dont know. Some times bars and clubs are fun, especially if you like drinking, music and dancing.
You may meet someone but only if you are proactive.

The partner you may hook up with at a bar however may not be the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with however. as after the superficial sexual attraction finishes, you aren't left with anything in common.

Although from what i have read there are no definitive rules about this.

However, if you are like me and are really into certain interests, so much that you are a little obsessed and want to spend as much time as possible getting good or being productive, then you either need someone who is into the same interest so you can help each other progress or produce or who at the very least can support you.

Alternatively you could try and find someone who is happy to be your "buddy", but this again may lose its sparkle.

Personally. at my stage in life, i would prefer to meet someone who was as nuts as I am about the things i am into, or who is simply an extremely patient and supportive partner (perhaps even from Asia).

As i do not want to waste any time arguing or going through hell because of some extremely needy abusive attention seeking sociopath that does all she can to destroy everyone in her past and path, as soon as she has ruined one persons life and jumped ship..beware of such tyrants...

:evil: