Possessive even though we're only friends

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I find this utterly confusing and annoying because I interpret it as meaning someone likes me romantically when they do that. Is this something common that aspie men are possessive over friends?

Yep...it's obvious that the person has romantic intentions.

Or....otherwise, the person is an utter psychopath.

I'd veer far away.

In what way is this person possessive?

Unless he does have romantic feelings towards you, that sounds like a massive red flag. And even if romantic feelings are involved, it's still a red flag as far as I'm concerned. I'd advise you to steer clear of him.

I've posted this before. He didn't want me to meet another guy for physical involvement. He said the guy was a serial killer. It's baby stuff like that. He wants my attention because he knows I like him so much.

I think he's a bit of a loner. Most of his friends are online. I treat him very well; am very attentive and compliment him often. It's just upsetting because I want to be his girl, but he wants friendship.

Just wanted to know if possessiveness is typical.....I got sucked in by the long winded conversation as well, thinking that meant he was into me. The oversharing was another issue I wasn't aware was an aspie thing. Oh well, live and learn.

it's not typical for somebody who is a friend, but not romantically involved with you, to be possessive like that. Most people would think this level of possessiveness is ridiculous.

Generally, guys don’t best-befriend girls just for the sake of friendship.

Unless it’s a friendship that formed from a group.

.

I think it is an Aspie thing. Do remember this, and I am speaking from my own personal experience (as I am an autistic adult). Anytime anyone gets involved with someone who is autistic, more time is needed to get to know someone than someone without a "dis-Ability" or "dis-Order". And two people get involved with each other who have a "dis-Ability", even more time is needed and taken at a slower pace is needed to get to know each other. He wants to be friends, while you would to consider something more. I admit to feeling somewhat possessive of first with my wife, who I had just met the first time, but it wasn't anything that could be connected with psychopathic behavior - because she had her own life and I had mine, although it felt like when we met the first time that we had known each other for quite sometime. It was like the "I can't wait to see you next time".

My wife and I had long conversations when we were getting to know each other. Of course, I was wanting to put my best foot forward, etc. During the 2011 Super Bowl between the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers, we talked right after the first quarter of the game and I didn't put the phone down until after the Super Bowl was done. About seven years later, we both have changed and we certainly don't talk three hours straight consistently like we used to and such.

It is easy to talk for hours on end when getting to know each other. But one thing to keep in mind is this: autistic adults have communication and social challenges to some degree. Think of both challenges as a graph with an x-axis (e.g. communication challenges) and a y-axis (e.g. social challenges). Every autistic adult (including me) fits on that graph somewhere. My wife and I did not rush into any serious commitments (like getting engaged or marrying each other) until at least four years after we knew each other. Neither of us was looking to get married or wanted to get married again (I have been married/divorced once and her twice previously). We wanted to build up our friendship to be as strong as possible and maintain that. That is what we wanted more than anything else. We enjoyed the pace at which things went. Didn't rush anything and we were happy with that.

We have no regrets in taking our time because that allowed us to get to know each other the way we did. In over four years, we saw each other in a wide variety of situations in different places. Too many people try to get themselves into relationships too early, then later bemoan how they did not take the time to get to know the other person better without any pressure whatsoever.

We will have known each other for 7 years on March 26, 2018 and will be married for 3 years on May 31, 2018 - and we're totally happy with things (although the challenges of raising three grandchildren - 14, 11, and 7 - in our house is much more challenging than the relationship that my wife and I share with each other).

Just my $.02,
Scott

Agreed. Odd are he may or may not grow out of it

Reply to Scott:
Thanks so much for your helpful reply. Very much appreciated.
Angela

I know someone a bit like this who has schizoid personality disorder. Is he asexual? Maybe he sees you as a mutual companion and doesn’t do “girlfriend”.

There are many reasons people form obsessions and emotional attachments without them being romantic or sexual attachments, though sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.

It took me until my late 20s to differentiate aspergers obsession, romantic obsession and sexual compatibility from one another.

He probably has some form of emotional attachment to you, can’t be bothered with commitments or is simply brutally honest, maybe the guy does seem like a serial killer.

You might not find this helpful, Angela. Perhaps I am stating the "obvious"..but it is not "normal" for a "friend" to be as possessive as this guy seems to be. The reason why I would veer away is because, in my experience, these sorts of people become MORE possessive as time goes on. There's a "power trip" component to all this which I would avoid like the Plague.

I've lived through this stuff, and, somehow, I'm still plugging away.

Who knows? Perhaps you could "change" him. But I believe this would be a rather difficult endeavor to say the least.

There are times in my life when I wish I would have stated "the obvious," and not have the fear that somebody would disparage me for stating "the obvious." Perhaps, if I would have stated "the obvious," I could have prevented bad things from happening to certain people I've known. Though I am by no means infallible---and I could even be totally off the mark.

Honestly, I appreciate your candor and.desire to help. This relationship will never bloom because he's too young for me. However, his possessiveness definitely seems to stem from loneliness. I have a massive crush on him, and I doubt anyone else does. He loves the attention. If he really was interested in me, your advice would be perfect. I do appreciate the concern. He already stated I'm too old for him, and perhaps, luckily so. He seems totally enoramed of a woman who uses him merely as a shoulder to cry on, his words. He's definitely too immature in this respect. I'm also sick of being in this unrequited crush situation.

If I was you I would challenge him. I’d straight up ask why he’s telling me to stay away from another guy and not to use some feeble serial killer excuse. If he goes all sheepish you’ve taken back the power and hopefully you’ll get a proper answer.

From there you can determine whether or not it’s wise to be around him.

Edit, saw your post. You answered your own question, he is not interested in you because you’re too old but likes the attention so will be upset if he loses it.

Contrary to other people’s opinions, I don’t think this is highly abnormal. People like attention, lets be honest.

Ever come across girls who won’t date a guy then get put out when he stops fussing over her and walks away? Same thing. Very common.

For you, however, I would suggest backing off. I don’t think this relationship is good for you.

Yep...crushes are a bummer, aren't they?

I've had so many unrequited crushes.....trust me, it's not pleasant! It used to eat at me inside. Some of them have made me into a "shadow" of myself.

You seem like you want to "heal" him somehow. I see nothing wrong with that. It is a natural, human desire.

But I really don't like the possessiveness---at all.

How much younger is he than you?

It's funny: when I was in my teens and 20's, I used to absolutely ADORE older women.