Should I tell my future girlfriend about my possible autism?

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GoodBlade
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03 Jul 2018, 7:58 am

Title - Can someone explain if I should or not?
By common sense, if she heard negative things about me, not just autism, she might be disappointed.
But, on the other hand, i don't want to lie about everything related to me.



Nira
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03 Jul 2018, 8:16 am

I don't know. My husband know about my problems with communication with people. We are together for a long time. But he don't know it has a name.
I think easier is tell it on start than later.
But if you tell it, it can discourage her.
But maybe better is discourage her on start and save yourself later disappointment.
I don't know. I don't know if I should tell it to my husband too.

Maybe you can tell her about your problems, traits and don't tell her it is possible autism? (you don't know it sure) A lot of people don't know what autism is.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2018, 8:27 am

If it’s only “possible,” why tell her?

You’re making autism seem like AIDS....like some “dirty little secret.”

If you get the diagnosis, then you should probably tell her.

Having autism does not mean you’ll have autistic children.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 03 Jul 2018, 9:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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03 Jul 2018, 8:32 am

GoodBlade wrote:
Should I tell my future girlfriend about my possible autism?
Only if she tells you about her possible pregnancy.


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Nira
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03 Jul 2018, 8:50 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If it’s only “possible,” why tell him?

You’re making autism seem like AIDS....like some “dirty little secret.”

If you get the diagnosis, then you should probably tell him.

Having autism does not mean you’ll have autistic children.

I only don't know how people can respond.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2018, 9:28 am

I just feel it's not something to "confess." You're under no obligation to tell her. Especially since you're not even "going out" with this person.

I believe it would be morally good, though, if you explain to your future lover things like why you want to isolate yourself from her at times, why you need your "own space," stuff like that.



TwilightPrincess
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03 Jul 2018, 9:32 am

I would only want to have a relationship with someone that I could be open with. It’s not something you have to share right away, but I just think it feels good and leads to a stronger bond when you can share things like that.

Autism isn’t a bad thing. It’s just a small piece of who you are or might be. Are you thinking about getting tested for autism?


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rick42
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04 Jul 2018, 11:31 am

Well considering that NT people overall hate or atleast strongly dislike Aspie people,I say don't tell her about your Autism.I say from my experience that it's better not even try to date and have a girlfriend since it's a 99% of being rejected,however since you already have a girlfriend,I say just not tell her about your Autism,unless she ask you.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2018, 12:04 pm

Don’t tell her since you don’t have an official diagnosis.



SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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04 Jul 2018, 3:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
If it’s only “possible,” why tell her?

You’re making autism seem like AIDS....like some “dirty little secret.”

If you get the diagnosis, then you should probably tell her.

Having autism does not mean you’ll have autistic children.

The way gamer culture has made "autistic" their most common insult, it wouldn't surprise me if some viewed it as though it was AIDS.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Don’t tell her since you don’t have an official diagnosis.

This. Although even for people who do have an official diagnosis, what's on a patient's file is supposed to be confidential. Only your doctor should know.

If someone IRL speculated in an accusatory manner that I have any kind of autism or aspergers I would call it groundless slander.


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GoodBlade
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04 Jul 2018, 3:50 pm

I see, so based on your replies, you recommend me not to tell a girlfriend about it?
I can see why, I thought so myself as well, even before asking the question.
But, I also don't want to come across as someone who tries to be "normal" or "100% perfect". She should be aware, I might have some difficulties with certain things. But, I want to make it appear as very minimal and trivial things, which won't cause her to be afraid of developing a strong relationship, or break up because of it.
Women in general, especially those around my age, are quite sensitive and easily offended.
I remember going out with some girl who was 20 years old at the time I think, and I told her a story about how I stole money from some organization, etc. It was meant to be a joke, but she took it seriously.
Now I learned my lesson, I never tell bad stories to women, never. It's either something positive or nothing at all.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2018, 3:53 pm

I didn't tell my gf, nor planning to say it, and I have been in relationship with her for 14 months so far.


She's fully aware how introvert I am, and that's enough, no need to call it otherwise.



SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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04 Jul 2018, 4:22 pm

I honestly think the term is just too politically charged to ever say it openly.


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Esmerelda Weatherwax
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04 Jul 2018, 5:22 pm

Well, if you look for a girl who is also high functioning autistic, then the problem solves itself - if things work out. You're young enough that there may be meetups for autistic people your age (there is NOTHING for older adults but a lot of stuff for kids and young adults) so there is at least a chance of meeting someone, depending on where you are.

I was lucky enough to know two wonderful guys, about a decade apart, who I am now sure were Aspies. Met one in college and the other after taking my PhD.

I really couldn't get interested in anyone who wasn't a geeky guy - a nerd, I mean. These guys were both nerds, and in their own unique ways they were funny, modest, lovable, kind. Unfortunately, I didn't do academic type work, so I never met anyone else like them, but I'm glad I knew these two gentlemen, I think I was very lucky to know them both.


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04 Jul 2018, 5:47 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I didn't tell my gf, nor planning to say it, and I have been in relationship with her for 14 months so far.


She's fully aware how introvert I am, and that's enough, no need to call it otherwise.


Don’t you find it a bit lonely keeping that from her?

I find relationships more satisfying when we can share stuff like that.


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SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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04 Jul 2018, 6:04 pm

Esmerelda Weatherwax wrote:
Well, if you look for a girl who is also high functioning autistic, then the problem solves itself - if things work out. You're young enough that there may be meetups for autistic people your age (there is NOTHING for older adults but a lot of stuff for kids and young adults) so there is at least a chance of meeting someone, depending on where you are.

I was lucky enough to know two wonderful guys, about a decade apart, who I am now sure were Aspies. Met one in college and the other after taking my PhD.

I really couldn't get interested in anyone who wasn't a geeky guy - a nerd, I mean. These guys were both nerds, and in their own unique ways they were funny, modest, lovable, kind. Unfortunately, I didn't do academic type work, so I never met anyone else like them, but I'm glad I knew these two gentlemen, I think I was very lucky to know them both.

That's like the perfect scenario. If I met such a girl it'd be reasonably possible for me to want to get married.


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