Had aspie girlfriend taken from me by her parents. Part 2

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I'm sure many of you remember my post from the latter part of november.

To sum up how my life has been since, it has been an effort to mentally/psychologically move on from her. Unfortunately, the heartache is still there. Megan(not her real name, as I stated in the OP of the other thread)was/is the first girl I have truly clicked with, not to mention she has aspergers as well. And here are these parents who mistake aspergers for being a bad kid, therefore taking so much from her, including the ability to see the guy she loves. I would honestly rather have someone break up with me than have this situation.

A few days before that thread was posted, I texted the mom, asking when/if I'll be able to see Megan again, and if yes, to please let us text more often than she was letting us(at least I asked that nicely). She was under the impression that I broke up with her, which, long story short, I responded that I did that to try to move on from the situation(It's been difficult to do that), but some time had passed and I miss her, and she misses me. And that I wouldn't have done that if texting/hanging out with Megan wasn't as spotty as it was.

I wasn't placing blame. I was just stating facts.

Basically, she was a bit harsh with me, just giving me a summary of Megan's behavior after she was prohibited from seeing me, and taking exception to me blaming her for all this.

I haven't spoken to either parent since, but Megan told me sometime after that her mom had called me "controlling" because I was telling her what to do.

Flash forward to Monday of last week. Megan told me about how she had gone to her school's WPA dance, and that her dad would've been ok with her taking me, but she wasn't sure about her mom. I then told her that I wanted to meet up with her, and at least one of her parents so that we can clear the air on some things. Megan then texted her mom, asking if that was something she would be willing to do. She said no, saying that she makes decisions for her, not me(y'know she's 16, right? not eight)and that she has nothing nice to say to me.

a few observations:

1. That last part shows that even 3 months later, she still holds a grudge against me because of those text messages I sent her. That is the only reason why she calls me "controlling" and "manipulative". All because I wanted my girlfriend back!

2. Once again, she had zero regard for how for how this affects us.


Ok, on to something from this past weekend.............

She had called me in the middle of the night(on her family's home phone, because remember she rarely ever has electronics), because, y'know, she misses me. She then tells me that her mom has been urging her to find a prom date. Of course, she brought up me, and her mom was up in arms about that(again, all because of those text messages. I swear I haven't done anything else). And a side note, the dad has bought in to her claims that I'm a control freak.

So basically, she wants her to have a prom date, but regarding dating at all, it's either brutally restrictive, or not at all. TELL ME THAT'S NOT MESSED UP!! !! !! !

Now, there's a flip side to this story that only intensifies my confusion. I have suspected for a while that there are something's that Megan is either lying about or not telling the whole story. There is a part of me that thinks that maybe she is just saying this stuff to keep dragging me along(emotionally controlling me), but I can't say for sure. I am so confused. Her parents won't take the time to talk to me or my parents and explain the situation(It would make sense for them not to do that now because they don't like me, but when they stopped us from seeing each other, they never apologized to me or anything).

That aside, the heartache/anger of thinking about what could've been comes and goes for me. I consider myself single, and I'm open to dating someone else(live my life right now and see what happens in the future), but accepting my singlehood is more difficult because there's always that intense feeling of "You and Megan were meant for each other, but, her parents" in the back of my head.

Thank you for any responses. I really need a lot of advice so that I can navigate this confusion.

Edit: Ok, I know I spent 90% of this post glossing over what has been frusturating me lately, and that's why I'm getting the responses I'm getting. I'm just tired of living with this frusturation, and I want to be able to live like I never met Megan so that I can be mentally ready for good things in the future. That's been easier said than done because my aspie mind is fixated in thinking "what if", which is the reason for my continued frusturation.

Last edited by CubsBullsBears on 04 Mar 2019, 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, yes ... I remember this. You're 18, and she's 16.

This means that you are an adult male trying to date and UNDERAGE GIRL.

You get no sympathy from me.

When you marry someone, generally you are marrying into the entire family. If you have a significant problem gaining her parents trust, this will carry over into marriage. It will create a major barrier or wall between your girlfriend and her parents. Since she is 16, her parents have every right to protect her and because she is an Aspie, she is probably more vulnerable that most NTs. That doesn't mean that you are not a nice guy or would not make a wonderful husband to her.

So if you decide to chase her, then rather than try and court her, you will need to court her family. You will need to hang out with her family and get them on your side first. But it seems like you may have already created an adversarial relationship with her mom. So it will make that approach extremely difficult to pursue, especially if you are caught going behind their backs.

On the other hand, most states recognize that the age of consent is 18. Once she reaches that age the rights of her parents in keeping you apart will be diminished. But also realize should you take that approach, you may be creating a great permanent wall between her and her parents.

You texted the parents of a 16 year old girl to insist you see their daughter when they've already said no, they're angry with you, you suspect Megan is lying to you or keeping secrets, and now you're open to dating someone else?

There's your answer.

Move on.

It's lines like these that really make me frusturated with the world. Being a teenager is about learning how to be an adult, including gaining relationship experience, and learning from your mistakes. Believe me, I've made many mistakes in school, work, relationships, everything, and it's because of those mistakes that I feel ready for the adult world despite being an aspie. Megan is getting none of those opprotunities.

I've met many parents over the years, and none of them come anywhere close to being this restrictive. Being overprotective is frowned upon by a lot of people in 21st century america.

Get used to it. Nothing you say can change the facts -- no excuses or phony "reasoning" can change the facts that (1) you are obsessed with an UNDERAGED GIRL, and (2) her parents are well within their rights to keep you away from her.

Give up, grow up, and move on.

At least you aren't in jail...yet. Take the hint, before you make things worse for yourself. What your doing is illegal, regardless of anyone's feelings on the matter.

I don’t think this is a jail-worthy situation.

I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I don’t think you’re any sort of “cradle robber” or something.

But the parents have the last word on this, legally. They can ban you from seeing her.

But maybe when she’s 18 and you’re 20, you can resume the relationship, if you both so desire. Don’t be controlling. And make sure you have respect for the parents, too.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 04 Mar 2019, 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Since when is an adult male obsessed with an UNDERAGED GIRL not a "bad guy"?

Last edited by Fnord on 04 Mar 2019, 10:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

I know. The laws are different in California. Age of consent is 16 here in Iowa tho.

Either way, it's very much ok for 13 year olds to date(doesn't mean it's a good idea to have sex when you're that age, but it's acceptable to hold hands, kiss, other things that aren't sex). I understand a parents desire to prevent their teen from having a kid, but that can be handled as simple as only letting us go to public places and/or have us hang out with a parent present. Not all the nonsense these parents are doing.

In any case, her parents say NO. Deal with it.

This is a high school romance. If the guy was, say, in his late 20’s, then I would feel he’s up to no good.

I don’t believe they were having sex. They were just dating.

Many girls date older guys. It’s the norm. Junior girls dating senior boys (high school juniors and seniors) is not uncommon. It’s because girls are more mature than boys in that age group.

One has to look at the legality of the situation, and not do anything illegal. Read, carefully, the statutory rape statutes in your state.

Like I said, the parents have the right to not allow a boy to see their underage daughter.

You're supporting the actions of a man who is obsessed with an underaged girl. I'm not interested in why. Just please stop, you'll only encourage him further.

All these years of having relationships flame out after a short while(like, a few weeks), while seeing my peers be in relationships that have lasted several months/years. And now here's a girl that I feel like could be my first long term relationship(we met in august, and it's now march and she's still in love with me, despite all the cloudiness)and her parents have to do us dirty). That is the perspective I have and it is really painful to deal with.

I thought he was defending a guy you just accused of being a pedophile.

Et tu? Fine. Encourage him all you want. I'll be watching the media for another "Jaycee Dugard" story.