what do girls and people in general mean by this?

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Filiopovski
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02 Sep 2020, 10:02 am

https://imgur.com/a/yWErn1a
am i ugly enough to make someone stare in disgust of me, or is it that i am (i doubt it) handsome enough to make a girl stare at me because she thinks im good looking, or is it none of the above?
when im outside, with my mom perhaps, people always stare at me, but never at my mom, this upsets me a bit, because i wonder if they stare at me out of disgust or the opposite of disgust, or perhaps im doing something that attracts attention somehow? i've always been very self concious, and after the years the thoughts and views of myself have no relation to the reality of who i am, that i know, but what i dont know is the reality of what i appear as on the outside. My ego is very fragile and easily goes up and down, sometimes im superman, other times im a freak. Somehow i'm the most self aware person while also having no idea what im actually like to other people

I hope my text made sense, i find it hard to express myself in so few words when i have so much to express



Fnord
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02 Sep 2020, 10:05 am

Filiopovski wrote:
What do girls and people in general mean by this?
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?" to find out.


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Filiopovski
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02 Sep 2020, 10:15 am

Fnord wrote:
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?"

no, the people's position in relation to me are bypassers on the street, these are not people i could speak to socially acceptably, and regardless id be too nervous to speak to them without also stuttering



Fnord
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02 Sep 2020, 10:17 am

Filiopovski wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
What do girls and people in general mean by this?
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?"
no, the people's position in relation to me are bypassers on the street, these are not people i could speak to socially acceptably, and regardless id be too nervous to speak to them without also stuttering
Then you can never know, only assume.


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Filiopovski
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02 Sep 2020, 10:18 am

Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
What do girls and people in general mean by this?
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?"
no, the people's position in relation to me are bypassers on the street, these are not people i could speak to socially acceptably, and regardless id be too nervous to speak to them without also stuttering
Then you can never know, only assume.

if i were NT i'd know :(



Filiopovski
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02 Sep 2020, 10:20 am

Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
What do girls and people in general mean by this?
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?"
no, the people's position in relation to me are bypassers on the street, these are not people i could speak to socially acceptably, and regardless id be too nervous to speak to them without also stuttering
Then you can never know, only assume.

also, no way they'd actually answer with a straight answer, most likely they'd frown, or laugh at me, theres absolutely no way they'd sit me down and explain exactly why they were starring at me



Filiopovski
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02 Sep 2020, 10:22 am

Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
What do girls and people in general mean by this?
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?"
no, the people's position in relation to me are bypassers on the street, these are not people i could speak to socially acceptably, and regardless id be too nervous to speak to them without also stuttering
Then you can never know, only assume.

and i might be underestimating the socially acceptable amount of time and intensity is to stare at a stranger, so asking could put me in an awkward situation i was not already in



Fnord
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02 Sep 2020, 10:23 am

Filiopovski wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Filiopovski wrote:
What do girls and people in general mean by this?
You would have to ask them, "What are you looking at?"
no, the people's position in relation to me are passers-by on the street, these are not people i could speak to socially acceptably, and regardless id be too nervous to speak to them without also stuttering
Then you can never know, only assume.
and i might be underestimating the socially acceptable amount of time and intensity is to stare at a stranger, so asking could put me in an awkward situation i was not already in
Then there seems to be no reason for concern.


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Sahn
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02 Sep 2020, 10:37 am

Filiopovski wrote:
or perhaps im doing something that attracts attention somehow? i've always been very self concious

You look fine, so I reckon it could be this. I used to be very self concious too, my friends would tell me that I walked down the street, "looking like you just murdered somebody" :lol:.
A couple of things that helped were being aware of my breathing and posture. I noticed that my breathing would become very shallow when I was walking past people and this caused me to stoop and move awkwardly.
Sometimes before going into town I'd do some stretches to relax myself a little, that helped. Maintaining normal breathing has helped me to relax much more in public.



KT67
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02 Sep 2020, 10:47 am

You look normal.

I'm not good at knowing what most girls want. Most girls seem to just want average looking guys cos they're muscular or something?

It might just be that you're self conscious and they're looking. That can sometimes feel like staring. Were you bullied as a kid?


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02 Sep 2020, 10:57 am

You do not look ugly or disgusting in your picture. I think you look quite nice. You do not look like the movie star type that maybe girls would stare at, but I don't know much about what girls choose to stare at in attraction. I would call you "cute."

Have you asked your mother why people are staring? She might be better able to guess. Maybe she can tell you if they're not really staring at all and it just seems that way because you are self conscious.

It's common for those on the spectrum to have small behaviors that appear different than others, such as a different way of walking. It could be that people are noticing that, and look a little longer than normal because they are trying to understand what they are seeing. Most people wouldn't mean anything hurtful by this; they are just processing. When someone acts unusually, it could mean that they are hurt and need help or something, so people will look at that person longer to figure it out.

Most people are just going about their own lives and are busy thinking about their own matters; staring at you is generally more about figuring out something for themselves rather than them really thinking about YOU. I am also prone to being self conscious, but most people spend most of the time thinking about themselves... which is what a self conscious person is doing, too! Hey, maybe you are staring at them and they are staring back trying to figure out why you are staring? So many possibilities.

NTs cannot read each others' minds, either.


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Filiopovski
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02 Sep 2020, 11:00 am

Carpeta wrote:
You do not look ugly or disgusting in your picture. I think you look quite nice. You do not look like the movie star type that maybe girls would stare at, but I don't know much about what girls choose to stare at in attraction. I would call you "cute."

Have you asked your mother why people are staring? She might be better able to guess. Maybe she can tell you if they're not really staring at all and it just seems that way because you are self conscious.

It's common for those on the spectrum to have small behaviors that appear different than others, such as a different way of walking. It could be that people are noticing that, and look a little longer than normal because they are trying to understand what they are seeing. Most people wouldn't mean anything hurtful by this; they are just processing. When someone acts unusually, it could mean that they are hurt and need help or something, so people will look at that person longer to figure it out.

Most people are just going about their own lives and are busy thinking about their own matters; staring at you is generally more about figuring out something for themselves rather than them really thinking about YOU. I am also prone to being self conscious, but most people spend most of the time thinking about themselves... which is what a self conscious person is doing, too! Hey, maybe you are staring at them and they are staring back trying to figure out why you are staring? So many possibilities.

NTs cannot read each others' minds, either.

my mom doesnt seem to know what i mean when i bring it up



naturalplastic
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02 Sep 2020, 11:08 am

If its only females who seem to gaze at you longer than a moment (or just females plus the five percent of males who might be gay) who continue to gaze at you longer than a nanosecond then you're probably just being "checked out". Which is a neutral-to-good thing.

But if its both sexes, and you get a longer than a moment stare, and theyre kinda scowling, then you might being doing some boneheaded aspie thing (like wearing a plaid shirt with plaid pants, or have one shirt tail tucked in, and one tucked out).



KT67
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02 Sep 2020, 11:11 am

Filiopovski wrote:
Carpeta wrote:
You do not look ugly or disgusting in your picture. I think you look quite nice. You do not look like the movie star type that maybe girls would stare at, but I don't know much about what girls choose to stare at in attraction. I would call you "cute."

Have you asked your mother why people are staring? She might be better able to guess. Maybe she can tell you if they're not really staring at all and it just seems that way because you are self conscious.

It's common for those on the spectrum to have small behaviors that appear different than others, such as a different way of walking. It could be that people are noticing that, and look a little longer than normal because they are trying to understand what they are seeing. Most people wouldn't mean anything hurtful by this; they are just processing. When someone acts unusually, it could mean that they are hurt and need help or something, so people will look at that person longer to figure it out.

Most people are just going about their own lives and are busy thinking about their own matters; staring at you is generally more about figuring out something for themselves rather than them really thinking about YOU. I am also prone to being self conscious, but most people spend most of the time thinking about themselves... which is what a self conscious person is doing, too! Hey, maybe you are staring at them and they are staring back trying to figure out why you are staring? So many possibilities.

NTs cannot read each others' minds, either.

my mom doesnt seem to know what i mean when i bring it up


Unless she's aspie too that's a good eg of NTs NOT being able to mind read each other...


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kraftiekortie
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02 Sep 2020, 12:32 pm

A smile would go a long way.

You’re at least “average.” You look like you’re tall and athletic.



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02 Sep 2020, 8:44 pm

You're downright handsome but just like kraftiekortie said, "a smile wouldn't hurt."