Am I very attractive?

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This has me bothered for years, also recently, even when I am almost 59 years old. To start with, I look much younger than I am. If I would lie that I'm 45 or 50 years old, people would believe that. I am tall, about 6 feet, I have a young face, beautiful lips (maybe) and my neck is longer than an average man's neck.

I was never successful to find a girlfriend until 2018, when I met a woman in Russia, whom I have a really wonderful relationship with. I dated a few times in Moscow, in Nizhni Novogord and in Minsk (Belarus). The next date will be in Turkey and in the Netherlands where I live.

Since I was 14 or 15 years old or so, there were hundreds of teenage girls, paying attention to me. They may be bullying, but they can't be flirting. That one of two girls are flirting or at least very friendly, can be true, but not lots op girls. What happened?

But she is worried that many women are attracted to me. I don't know. If I have been very shy towards women, so I can't be handsome or attractive, but my girlfriend does notice something towards me. I was in Moscow with her, looking for a Russian souvenir, a matryoshka. She told me that the shop assistant was flirting with me, while I think she is just friendly, and it's her job to be friendly and smile. I didn't think there was anything special behind it, other than showing business or marketing behaviour.

Recently I was in Frankfurt and made three hotel bookings. In one of the hotels the female counter clark was somehow flirty, different from other clarks. In Oberhausen, a German city, I notice a women that was startled a bit when seeing me, and gave me a "strong" look. Recently I was looking for a Mother's Day present for the girlfriend of my father that I almost consider as my mother. The shop assistant was possibly flirty. It's more than just be friendly.

Two women at work are interested in me. One has a different job; I don't see her again. The other is new, and shows more interest than other friendly women.

What is going on?? I am really confused. (Very) attractive and confused with women. Therapy is out of the question. I tried that, but that failed because of the refusal of the therapist.

I still love my girlfriend in Russia, I hope that she once will live in the Netherlands, or that I can move to Russia. I like Putin more than my current Dutch president Dick Schoof.

Lots of NT guys seem to find women very confusing, watch sitcoms & listen to standup comics for examples. Since you have a long-term girlfriend your hoping to live with, I would highly recommend focusing on her instead of dwelling on how other women behave. When it comes to your attractiveness what's important is that your current partner thinks so unless your considering cheating or exploring other options.

I actually totally agree with you, Nick.

I won't cheat her, nor should I. I do have a wonderful relationship. I won't even be able to cheat.

I enjoy the relationship I have. And I hope it lasts long (because she lives in Russia and I live in the Netherlands). A few women at work that find/found me attractive, know that I have a girlfriend, and won't leave her. The problem is that the political situation makes the relationship more complicated. There is a chance that it won't last long, but we both hope it will. If the relationship breaks, new problems will arise: I know many women look at me, but I don't have the guts to date them.

To be fair, a lot of the confusion with respect to dating comes from listening to what women say they want rather than paying attention to what they respond to. I've rarely encountered women where what they respond to is what they say they want. I'm sure there are women out there that say what they want and respond to it, but it's pretty clearly far less common than men that say what they want and actually go for it when it's available.

That is my experience as well.

Your ladyfriend is probably projecting; because she finds you attractive so she thinks many other women find you attractive too, that’s not necessarily true.
My girlfriend for instance hardly believed me that I used to have very few non-scam matches on tinder, like zero match for weeks, and that my social inbox is often empty. It is because she assumes many other women see me like how she sees me; she hardly believes that I am unattractive to most. My ex had *exactly* the same reaction and assumption.

The shop assistant is probably cheerful with all customers, especially with tourists, it is part of her job.
Your partner may have read her wrong; don’t ever assume that women can read other women flawlessly just because they are of the same gender, they very often don’t.

What your saying is like how my current girlfriend still doesn't quite get that most other women would not consider a relationship with me due to me being disabled, very straightforward, & not very social. Cass thought I seemed like a great catch & figured I probably woulda been taken when she messaged me because she thought I seemed very sweet. Cass often says she doesn't understand other women but she's not NT.

That was my first thought as well. There is nothing more behind that shop assistant's friendlyness than that. Part of business behaviour. In Moscow I just thought: I am just one of the many customers visiting that souvenir shop. And it's not strange at all, that she was friendly to me (and others).

But I have no explanation why many women look at me, and when I seemed to be very popular with girls in the past. As said, it doesn't matter much at me, but I wonder.

Well, she doesn't know that I have autism; nor will I tell her in the future. We both have some unusual interests. I notice, she is very intelligent. I did tell her unusal things in the past, though, but she doesn't associate that with autism. But I don't have problems with noise and noisy people, though. I like parties and social settings. My girlfriend doesnt, but that's not a problem, because quiet settings are not a problem for me either. I do think, I am very sweet (never get really angry), tall, look younger than I really am.

Whether she doesn't understand other women I don't know. May be it's better for her to forget about other women's behaviour related to attractiveness (I won't leave her because of that. I may have to leave her (against our will), when the geopolitics forces us both to leaving). I try to understand people's behaviour generally. My father was a psychology teacher, and I am interested in psychology and pyschiatry as well.

Girls where? In Moscow? Maybe because you are simply a foreigner and you look different to them.

It doesn’t mean they find you attractive though.

Last edited by Cornflake on 22 May 2025, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Removed a personal attack

How can we answer that question in an informed way without a picture, especially when there may be other factors involved in your experience as some members have suggested?

They refused to treat you because you are too attractive?

I think, this topic is going to derail. I will stop replying.

It is complicated because many women are looking for wealth and social status in a partner.
In many societies they are limited by their husband's wealth and status.
How attractive you are is secondary to whether they want to form a relationship with a man.

It is reversed for men. Attractiveness comes first, as men aren't as limited by their wife's wealth and status.

A feature that I wish would have been on dating sites when I was still single was an indicator on my page to show if I was sending messages to women that matched with what I said I wanted.And, each person could have one of those on their own profile as a way of helping to at least tamp down a bit on people who didn't realize they were doing it. It would probably help everybody out.

This is not much the case anymore in many places.

Looks matters for both now.