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Kitty4670
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25 Jun 2025, 6:51 pm

Has anyone stay friends with an ex? I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend, my current boyfriend wants me to stop talking to him. How can I tell my ex I can't talk to you anymore?



TwilightPrincess
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26 Jun 2025, 8:00 am

Your current boyfriend shouldn’t be saying who you can and can’t be friends with. That’s a huge red flag.



kadanuumuu
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26 Jun 2025, 9:06 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Has anyone stay friends with an ex? I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend, my current boyfriend wants me to stop talking to him. How can I tell my ex I can't talk to you anymore?


I Am friends with my Ex, good friends even. i.e. we get along better now than during our marriage :)
It was an uphill battle to get this worked out, but seeing as we have children together, establishing an amicable bond between us was the only healthy option for our kids and as such setting our 'ego's' aside we were able to find common ground where neither thought any existed...

I read TwilightPrincess's feedback and have to push back just the tiniest bit, because as someone much smarter than me once stated: all is relative ;) :)
What does this 'dude' mean? Well, when you are in a loving relationship with a partner, and you are in the fomative/discovery phase of the relationship, if the new partner is constantly texting, talking to, being with his or her ex while you are constructing your new relationship... I think that would be tough on anybody. Part of the flood wave of hormones that get triggered with a new love interest (especially in NT peers) are also 'jealousy' inducing... all perfectly normal and part of the 'fun' :)
Soo depending on where you are at in your new relationship it is more or less to be expected. and lets be honest we all like that our partner is a little bit jealous (it validates us as their love interest).

ALL of the above said: Knowing yourself and clear honest communications are always a must! So if you know you Need to spend time with your ex, because of any reason. State this as clearly as you can, If there is no romantic reason behind the contact with your ex, talk with and explain your feelings/situation to you new partner openly. Anyone who loves you for who you are, will understand and have no qualms with it.

Across gender friendships are perfectly feasible, but 2 requirements: stay honest with yourself and them!
If any romantic feelings arise, you cannot stay friends... he/she/they will have to own up to their feelings and either let the feelings cool down in a moment of pauze between you 2 or become acquaintances.

just my 2 cents worth,
best of luck and lots of love,
Kada



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jun 2025, 9:15 am

What an insecure doctor.



TwilightPrincess
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26 Jun 2025, 9:39 am

kadanuumuu wrote:
lets be honest we all like that our partner is a little bit jealous (it validates us as their love interest).
I don’t like it, especially not when it manifests in controlling behaviors. I prefer love interest being validated in healthy ways - through thoughtful words and actions.

The situation described in the OP suggests more than mere jealousy. It’s about control. “My current boyfriend wants me to stop talking to him.” Major red flag. If a guy who I just started seeing wanted me to end friendships because he was jealous, I’d break up with him.



Mikurotoro92
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26 Jun 2025, 10:08 am

My current boyfriend David does NOT like my ex Robbie!! !

Because Robbie turned gay

But your boyfriend shouldn't be dictating to you who you are allowed to be friends with @Kitty4670!!

He isn't your father!



NINfan
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26 Jun 2025, 1:23 pm

I've stayed friends with 2 exes and one of them is my best friend now. One ex was told the same by his then girlfriend: she wanted him to stop seeing me but fortunately he was strong and assertive enough to tell her that he wasn't going to do that. Your boyfriend has no right to tell you to stop the friendship with your ex. Have you asked him why he wants you to stop seeing your ex?


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nick007
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Yesterday, 3:55 pm

I could support someone not wanting their partner to be friends with an ex if the ex is trying to interfere with the relationship or if the ex is harmful or abusive. I pushed for my first girlfriend to stop being friends with her ex because he gave her drugs & then took advantage of her sexually while she was under the influence before me & her were a couple & once while me & her were a couple.
However it doesn't sound like Kitty's ex is harmful, abusive or interfering from the little I've read about him so her current boyfriend pushing for her to not be friends def warrants being cautious for now. I'm concerned about what the boyfriend's motivations/reasoning is.


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Sable Noctis
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Today, 6:35 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Has anyone stay friends with an ex? I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend, my current boyfriend wants me to stop talking to him. How can I tell my ex I can't talk to you anymore?


Honestly I tried in the Past to remain friends with an Ex i really cared about, but i lost contact with her 20 years ago. I often Wonder what happened to her. :( :skull:, I cant say its the Best thing but honesty is the Best Policy if you choose that path tell him directly in person, though you should tell your current Partner that you do have agency to be friends with whom you choose and you should all sit down together and set/Agree Boundaries rather than just Cutting off. what ever you choose know you did what was right by you.


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