Knowing when to kiss a girl

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I've never figured this out. Every girl I've kissed has had to initiate it. In the movies, there's always an obvious moment where the two people are close enough to kiss, and quiet and staring at each other, and they just do it. This never happens in real life.

i've experienced that before actually. if you're both talking about something romantic, pause for a second and continue looking at each other, that's generally a good time to initiate a kiss.

You have to create that moment before the kiss. It's a non-verbal inquiry into whether the other person has any interest in kissing you. Stand close, whisper something in her ear, stroke her cheek, etc. If you get close enough, you can try kissing somewhere other than her lips (neck, for instance) and see how she takes that. With each little step, the other person has the opportunity to pull away, remain passively receptive, or initiate further touching or closeness.

There are, of course, people who stand back and politely ask for kisses. "May I kiss you goodnight?" Some girls like that approach, supposedly. I don't think I would.

I concur with Alex here.

Also one of my first kisses with a girl was when I was dropping her off at a friends' house. As she was getting out I told her to come back for a second, which is when I leaned in and kissed her.

The biggest challenge is just knowing when you're at that point in the relationship. If it's been a little while, and you're in doubt, I say go for it, though don't be brash and domineering about it. Then if they're not ready they'll gently tell you so.

Or not so gently.

But yes, hopefully.

This is true. Part of my problem is not knowing how they feel, or even how I feel sometimes. I'm less anxious if I don't think about the possibility of making a move, so I put it out of my mind, but that also cuts me off from building any attraction. Once it's been made obvious by the girl that she'd appreciate a kiss, it's like a switch is thrown, and everything changes. I go from being calm and dispassionate to dizzy and delerious. It instantly redefines my relationship to them.



I did this once, but then she was the one to actually initiate the kiss. It feels kind of awkward to ask so explicitly, so I haven't done that again. Of course, I can count the girls I've kissed on one hand, so it's not like I have a lot of experience to draw from, anyway.

Everyone's points about building a moment make sense. I guess I just need to have some confidence that if they've gotten to that point with me, it wouldn't be out of line to make a move.

Hint: Not in the middle of the day, in front of a half-dozen mutual friends, with no warning, when you're not dating. Thankfully we started dating a few weeks later, but it was still... uncomfortable.

First of all, to ask permission from a girl to kiss her is a collosal faux pas.
There's no way I can really explain when the right moment to kiss a girl is. I think its better to let HER initiate it and call the shots.
Thats how my first kiss went.

I read this in a magazine once, and I think it is a good way to see if you should kiss someone or not: try and touch her hair first (this only works if it is not super short, and it can't be in a pony tail). Most girls' hair sort of frames their face. Push it away with your hand, very gently,as if to see her face better. Or just run a little bit through your fingers to see how soft it is. Then see how she reacts........if she smiles and looks in your eyes, meet her gaze for a moment, close your eyes, lean in and go for it. If she moves back, or frowns, or seems confused, or not pleased, then back away. You can always jump out by saying "you have a fuzzy in your hair, let me get it out."

Gwenevyn is right: I think the moment before the kiss, when you're anticipating it, is almost as important as the thing itself.

To create a scene condusive to a kiss: you can always ask "do you want to come inside and watch a movie?" if she says yes, this does not mean that she wants to watch a movie. For a slightly more romantic, though not as conveniant scenario, you could try "would you like to go for a walk" or "would you like to come inside for a drink" All of these require close proximity and being alone, the two key factors in setting up a kiss.

I know precisely what this feels like. I really need to know what the outcome of a certain action is before I actually undertake that action. I almost with I could save my game like I can when i play video games. That way, if I do something wrong, I can just reload.

Oh.

Just to confuse everything, I actually prefer it if a guy asks to kiss me, especially if we're just getting to know each other. That way I know what's coming. If he just leans in or starts fiddling with my hair I start thinking 'what's he doing that for' and try and put some space between us

Friends have talked it through with me, but when it's actually happening I never know if it's a 'kiss moment' or he's up to something else, so I back off just in case I've misread his intentions. Which, on the scale of probability, is more than likely.

I like the 'reload' idea

i think there is asking and there is asking, and they dont have anything to do with each other.

asking, as in really asking for permission, i can see that as a massive faux-pas kind of thing to do.
however, asking the question could be done in a variety of ways that dont need to be considered faux-pas necessarily. depends on what the situation gives...
i could imagine cases to ask in an overly old-fashioned way, maybe even after having offered my arm to walk her back to her doorstep. something like "pray, may i kiss thee goodnight, fair lady?" (served with a wink or a lopsided grin, of course)
or putting on your most doe-eyed face, fluttering eyes nervously, mock-stammering the question like you were really, really scared out of your wits and nervous to no end. (shamelessly playing the cutesy card, here)
i guess it all depends on the situation, whyt can be pulled off between two people...

but then, im an european goth, im allowed flamboyant gesture/manners without looking silly.

Agreed gekitsu. Im sure there are girls who wouldnt mind being asked, but AFAIK most girls really find it rather tactless.
One thing I've learned is that when it comes to girls, kissing, and showing/reciprocating interest is that its really MUCH better to err on the side of caution. Moreover, try as hard as you can NOT to be (too)direct. Directness seems to really put a lot of women off.

I've asked a couple people after having done or said something ret*d if we could simply go back to the 5 seconds before I'd done/said it. It never works.

This is an interesting thread particularly cause I have a GF and feel as quickly as the relationship started it has almost stalled, i want to keep progressing, but have no idea what to do. She is very social and wants a dominate man apparently, i am not as social, have no experience and want her to lead the way, im definatly going to keep up with this thread and read everything cause what is written her may be the solution im looking for.

keep um comin everyone!! !

I just went through this last night. Had a budding friendship that had turned into more than a friendship, but was not yet dating.

After seeing a movie (Stardust), I was giving her a ride back to her car, and I asked if her hand is cold. She said it sort of was. I then used this excuse to hold her hand (rather ingenious, if I do say so myself). We then held hands for the rest of the drive.

After we arrived, we still held hands and talked for quite some time. I told her that I might accidently kiss her. When she smiled, I went for it.

It worked out perfect. However, I think that she is an aspie as well. So, the direct aproach worked wonders.

Sorry to ramble on. It is still rather fresh in my mind, and I am finding it difficult to contain myself. Hopefully, it gives some advice.