Getting along better with much older people?

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So today I just had three things happen in a row:

1) In the Messianic church I went to this morning, a woman approached me and said her *DAD* wanted my number because he wanted to speak to me. I gladly gave the number, cause I will take any connection I could given how people avoid me. But then I asked her out of curiosity why he wanted to talk to me. She said he noticed by my questions that I don't think inside the box. I told her that was the exact thing I was thinking of: that others seem to quote the same verses over and over again and they don't seem to even know anything outside of those few often quoted verses. I like to look outside of just those verses and read everything else the Bible has to say. She said that good that is exactly what her dad liked about me.

2) The friend of my mom who is probably in her 70s or 80s called me and talked to me for an hour. Now, that is a bit less of a surprise. My mom told me before that this woman thinks very highly of me and wants to talk to me. She also said she is dying of cancer and so wanted me to call her.

3) I went to the university library to print some stuff. I overheard a conversation of an elderly man asking for Greek New Testament. I didn't know such a thing exists in the library, so I was thinking if it does, I would be interested in something similar too. So I actually went and asked him what it was about. Now, instead of simply giving me an answer he went on and on to talk about all kinds of things. Both his thoughts on religion as well as his life, etc. Now, this happened to be the time when I wasn't ready for this, because I was actually in the middle of filling a form about publication of a certain article. But I don't have guts to say that I have to go, so I kept listening to him, and was listening for line an hour until finally he was the one who said he had to go.

Now, I am 42 years old, and I am doing second Ph.D. in math (I completted my first ph.d. in physics when I was 29). So the fact that I am older is one reason -- in addition to my Asperger -- as to why people don't talk to me. But here is the thing: those older folks have even bigger age difference with me. So why is it 20 year olds wouldn't want to talk to a 40 year old while 80 year olds would? Is it because youthfulness is views as an "asset", so the younger folk think of themselves as above me, while older folk think of themselves as below me, begging for my graces?

I remember, back in Russia when I was little, it used to be the opposite. They used to view older folk as higher. For example, when my mom served food back in Russia she would serve first older people and then the younger. I was always pissed by that and I kept arguing. Apparently it wasn't just my mom who did that but it was the way it was supposed to be done, because when I argued with guests about it, they knew exactly what I was talking about. So in any case, one of the guests with whom I agrued about it said "well, if we were to serve younger first, then you wouldn't like it when you will get older". I guess what he said happened to be exactly right. So now I am older, but I am in a country where youthfulness is looked up to. So its like I can never win. Back when I was younger it was more prestigious to be older, and now that I am older it is more prestigious to be younger. So its like I am loser both times.

The other thing I remember from Russia is that when my mom was trying to get me to say hello to people (which by the way I don't really do even now), she said that younger people should say hello first. Well, right now when I am complaining why 20 year old students don't start conversation with me, I am told that I should start it first. Well, what happened with that etiquet rule about younger people starting it first? I actually never quoted that rule till just now because I don't agree with it. But now that I think of it along those lines it is rather interesting.

But in any case, I have a different theory also. If you look at part 1, the father of that woman wanted to talk to me because he liked my religious questions. Yet, when I asked why people at the Bible study at the university (that has nothing to do with that church) don't talk to me, I was told it was because they *don't* like my religious questions. So isn't it a bit ironic that the exact thing the older guy liked is the exact thing the younger people don't like? So could it be that older people like to think more deeply, and aspies like to think more deeply too, and thats what makes aspies have more in common with older people? Although at the same time my personality is infantile. So I guess I am a mix of a little kid who throws tantrums and an older man who asks deep questions -- yet neither of the two would fit the profile of a college kid.

But anyway, what are your thoughts on this?

I think it's a combination of:

1) Young women, who tend to get hit on a lot by men of all ages, are likely to avoid men in general for that reason, except for the few who look attractive or otherwise interesting.

2) We live in an era with a wider-than-normal cultural generation gap, somewhat like the 1960's, but for opposite reasons.

Back in the 1960's, the young people (or at least the white young people) had grown up during an economic boom time, whereas their parents had grown up during the depression. Hence a lot of young people felt that their parents were unnecessarily "uptight" about all sorts of things.

On the other hand, today's young people have grown up during an economically much bleaker era than their parents did. Hence a lot of young people may feel that their parents and other older people don't understand how difficult it is to start a decent-paying career these days.

There could be many reasons, but I can think of two main ones that I think are the thing here:
1. Older people usually have more time in their hands and less people to talk to (not sure why they have less people to talk to since they've had their long lives to build connections, but that's not the point here, so let's forget about that) than younger people, so they're less picky of who they talk to and have the time to talk for long when they actually get someone talking to them. Of course, there are exceptions with some older people working or having a lot of social contacts, but the stereotype of old people often being lonely doesn't come from nowhere.
2. In two of these examples, the talks had to do with religion. I don't know how it is in USA, but in here, old people are much likelier to be in to that kind of stuff than young people are, especially in the cities, so if that's the case there, it would make sense that more old people approach you with religion related things than young people.



I think that used to be a thing pretty much everywhere; back in the day, it was good manners, but lots of social circles have dropped that rule as outdated, especially if whatever gathering it is isn't very formal. Russia's pretty conservative, so it makes sense if they hang on to old rules more than USA does. Or maybe you went to more formal gatherings as a child than you do now?



Just saying hello and starting an actual conversation are different things. There are probably cultural differences here; some say young should say hello first, some that older ones should. As for a conversation, an easy rule is that the one who wants something should be the first to talk and bring it up, 'cause it's not like the other can really know otherwise.



I don't see irony here. Some people like some things, others don't. That man liked your ways, or at least the way you had displayed that time, of studying the bible, but the people in your study group don't or don't want to talk about it. I don't think that those people like deep thinking any less than you, at least not as a general assumption, but that they just don't like/don't want to talk about the specific deep ends you want to talk about.

Ive always gotten along with older people.

But, these days, I get along better with people who aren’t that much older than me. Could be because Im pretty old myself.

Now you see why I disagree with Fireblossom's advice that I should approach women myself? Because the reason they don't approach me on the first place because they don't want to be hit on. So Fireblossom is basically telling me that if they don't want to be hit on, I should try hitting on them even harder. Thats why it makes no sense.

But on a different note, you see how unfair it is. If anything, I am the one who *doesen't* hit on women. So I get punished for the behavior of the guys that do.

Now, if you are going to say "life is not fair, all men get punished equally", thats not the case: women do talk to *some* men, or I wouldn't be complaining. So it seems like it is not "all men" who get punished, but one specific category of men -- "aspie men". Thus, one category of men -- aspies -- get punished for what another category of men -- players -- are doing. So why would you punish SPECIFICALLY men of Category A for the behavior of men of Category B? It makes no logical sense UNLESS you relate the two categories somehow. So what do Aspie men have in common with Player men?



Thats interesting that you brought it up, since nobody mentioned it before. Definitely a new thing to think about.

So one of the the ways in which young people connect when I feel like "I wish I was part of it" is precisely when they are dealing with common stress, like common academic stress, etc. Because you see, if they just get drunk at a bar, then no I don't envy that. But when I see them in the library struggling with the homework together, then I feel like "I am in the same boat, why don't they see it". So I guess you just answered my question "why don't they see it" in what you just wrote.

But the irony of the situation is that the reason I am back to graduate school is *because* I couldn't get a job. Because you see, I already have Physics Ph.D. from 2009. I don't need another Ph.D. The reason I went to the other Ph.D. (in math) is because I couldn't get a job as a physicist due to the competition. I didn't want to get a job that is not related to theoretical physics, since theoretical physics was my dream since I was 9. So I decided to go back to graduate school, that way (i) I get paid as a TA so I don't have to look for jobs and (ii) maybe my thesis advisor will help me have a fresh start in my academic career somehow.

Now, going back to what you were saying. You said young people feel like I can't sympathize with their struggles for finding job. But I can: because I have trouble getting a job too. In fact thats what brought me back to graduate school to begin with. So the irony is that they probably think its creepy that the older guy is going to where younger people should go. Yet the reason I am going there is because I am on the same boat with them: struggling to get a job!

But then again, I see the other side of the coin too. Because I am not looking for "a job"; rather I am looking for "dream job". So maybe they are thinking that I have it all made, since I can afford such a luxury. Well, that might be partly true, but thats not really because of what time period I was born. Rather it was because of the kind of parents I was born to. They were overprotective parents and were willing to pay my way. Whenever I get debt on credit card, my mom just pays it off, no questions asked. But my mom is not any richer than other people's parents. Probably the opposite, since she is immigrant from Russia (and by the way the financial boom in America is not relevant to Russia either -- in Russia in the 90s it was a serious economic crisis). The issue here is the attitude. Most people's parents kick them out of the house when they are 18 just because. With my mom I had to fight to get her to let me go away to grad school at 21, she wanted me to live in her house because she is overprotective.

But in any case, I guess none of these things are relevant UNLESS people can "deduce" them somehow. And keep in mind: most people aren't talking to me. So how are they supposed to know any of it if they aren't talking to me? So lets look at what is obvious on the surface. So on the surface they see I am older. BUT they also see I am from Russia: I have thick Russian accent. So what you said about economic boom in America isn't relevant to Russia. So why would they assume it is? Or are you saying they are just ignorant and simply assume it was a worldwide boom which it wasn't? Or are they just seeing the "fact" that I can afford the "luxury" of going back to school and decide I must not be in the same boat with them since they are trying to get "out" of school and get a job ASAP?

Actually "why do they have less people" is very much relevant. Because the answer to this question could very well be the fact that they face the same predicament as me. Such as being viewed inferior for being older.

Now I am not "saying" that is the case, I am "theorizing" about "what if". So thats why it is important to answer the question: "why do they have less people they talk to". Is it becaus of their social inferiority OR is it because of other reasons. That would have an implication on whether I am similarly-inferior or no.



But remember, people who "didn't like" my religious talk were the ones at tha Bible study, and I was talking about religion DURING the Bible study. So obviously religion is what they came there for. But they didn't like my going "too deeply", while this older guy did. Which makes me wonder if its because older people are deeper thinkers.



Well, my mom's former landlord, who was an American, couldn't relate to it. And he was 20 years older than her. Thats why I was thinking its the difference between countries.

Maybe the reason you are saying it is everywhere is that you are from Finland, so you don't really know how it is in America. So have you travelled outside the Finland? What countries are you basing your knowledge on?



These were the guests coming to my mom's house. So it wasn't anything too formal. Just my mom and her friends. My mom was the one who was serving older people first, and I was getting mad at her for this.



One of my complaints is that some people don't even say hello to me. Although of course the other issue is that the conversation doesn't go any further when they do.



I guess that might be partly right: in case of Bible study group, its leader (who is actually 20 years older than me -- its everyone else who is younger) told me that they don't like that I keep talking about antichrist. Although its possible that *he* is the one who doesn't like it and simply projects it on others. Because he is a preterist (meaning he doesn't believe in future endtimes to begin with). So the things I know are: (i) the people in the Bible study group are much younger while its leader is much older (ii) the people in the Bible study group don't like me (iii) its leader says it is partly because I talk about end times too much. Is (ii) in fact relevant to (iii), I don't know.

But the older man at the church who wanted my number (don't confuse him with the other old man) texted me that he wants to talk about end times. So yes it could be that he liked endtimes conversation while people at my bible study group didn't.

However, it is still true that my deep thinking could be a part of it as well. I mean remember how Kraftie was telling me I overanalyze too much. And he isn't the only one: I get similar feedback from lots of people. Yet that older guy who wanted my number DID like this aspect of me. Or actually I don't know. It seems like his daughter said he liked that I wasn't conventional in my thinking. The connection between this and deep thinking is probably what I made in my head. I don't remember if she actually mentioned that connection or not.

That is absolutely NOT what I'm saying! Talking to women and hitting on women aren't the same thing!

There's nothing unfair about it; no woman (or man) is obligated to talk to you. They can and will choose who they talk to, and that's exactly how it should be. If you want to be talked to, do something about it yourself instead of complaining about people not doing the things you want them to do.



Guilty! I'm (positively) surprised that this occurred to you. If I could be sure that my parents could and would cover for me financially, I too would seriously consider dropping my dead end minimum wage job and work towards my dream job full time instead. But most people don't have such luxury, plus many, including me, have siblings, so if my parents did that for me, it would likely destroy their (and mine) relationship with my siblings unless they gave them as much money as they gave to me.

Anyway, most likely the young people at your school don't really think much of anything when they see you. You're just one person among the others that they don't know. If you want to be something else, then do something about it.



This is the first time I've ever heard someone theorize about older age making people more inferior in friendship market. It's common to hear that about dating, yes, especially about women, but not friendships, so I don't think it has anything to do with it... unless we're talking about specific environments?

Like, in some specific hobby with lots of young people, those young people might think that the older person there is too old to do that kind of thing and thus it's childish for them to be there? Or in university, perhaps some people DO think that someone in their 40s should have a career already instead of being there? That would probably be more common in places where going to university outside of late teens/early twenties is rare. Is it rare in USA?

As for other reasons, I think the main one is that older people, as in 70s and up, were used to keeping in contact with others by mail and phones, and as addresses and phone numbers have changed, people have simply dropped out of contact. There's also the fact that for someone older, it's often physically harder to go see their friends who don't live next door. Different life situations also tend to cool down even close friendships, like if one stays home with a big family and other stays without one entirely and makes a good career, they may not have much time to see each other nor have things to talk about with each other. Plus, the older you get, the likelier it'll be that friends who're your age or older will be growing flowers already.



I've been to six other countries, but they've all been in Europe and all trips were as a tourist instead of a longer stay or mingling with locals. I based it on what I've read all around; isn't respecting your elders kind of a thing in most cultures? That's where serving food to elders first comes from, isn't it?



Well, serving older people first is what's good manners, and serving guests before those living in the house even more so. At least that's what I've been taught, and I'd guess your mom's been taught something similiar. Not sure if the later is a thing at all in the USA, though.



Possible, but I still think you should listen to him. The leader is responsible of the group (or so I'd assume) so it's not weird at all if people told him things like what they don't like about the group.

I know that talking to them and hitting on them is not the same thing. But I also know that what I am actually doing and how I am perceived is not the same thing either. So even if I am simply talking to them, they might ASSUME I am hitting on them. So the only way of preventing them from making that assumption is not to be the one to approach them and wait for them to approach me. Which is what I am doing.



Actually, I don't want them to talk to me out of obligation anyway. And I even have a concrete example to illustrate it. I don't know about Finland, but in the USA the Uber drivers are rated partly based on their friendliness, so they are encouraged to talk to their customers. At first, I wasn't aware of that. So when an uber driver talked to me, it made me happy. But then when I finally learned that this is the case, it no longer made me happy. Why not? Because their friendliness does not reflect what they actually feel. I want someone to ACTUALLY like me, not just pretend to like me.

But then you ask: if I don't want to force people to talk to me, what do I want then? Well, I want to force people to re-evaluate their OPINION of me. Talking to me is merely a sign of it. But then of course you can say that people can't be forced to have certain opinion. They can be forced to lie, but they can't be forced to actually think a certain thing. So since lying that they like me while they don't actually like me is not what I want, what DO I want then? Well, I guess while they can't be forced to have a certain opinion, they CAN be forced to "sit down and think about it". So who knows, maybe if they give themselves time to think about it, their opinion of me would chang since it won't be based on first impressions any more. Well, I guess forcing them to "sit down and think" is not practical, so thats not what I am tryign to do either. But I guess what I am trying to say is that they are unfair in that they never try to think and instead judge me by first impressions.

In any case, going back to the other point, that is precisely the reason why I don't want to start a conversation myself. Because you see, if I start a conversation myself, then I WOULD BE forcing people to talk to me even if they don't really want to. So it won't count for the exact reasons that I stated. What I am after is for them to actually want to talk to me. And a test for that is to see if they would be willing to approach me first.

Now you see how you were the one who told me that I shouldn't force people to talk to me, they should actually want to. Well, wanting them to approach me first is a logical conclusion of that.



What about people at my department. They know me, yet they still don't talk to me.



Well, when I was googling this, I read about a stereotype of "dirty old man". I didn't invent that phrase; I saw others using it. So it is a "thing". And if that is the case, that would hinder friendships too.

Now the question is: where did they get an idea that older people are more likely to be sexual perverts? If anything, th hormones are supposed to rage at the teen years, which implies that younger people are more likely to be sexually pervert rather than old people. Yet stereotype has it as if old people are perverted.

Well that stereotype is what would hinder the friendships.



I guess the notion of rare is relative. I am sure you know it won't be 50% or even 20%. So I guess the best way to respond is to give you some numbers and then ask you if you pictured it more rare or less rare. While I don't have overall statistics, I can tell you about my specific department. So, in the math department I am currently in, I know two women, both in their 60s, who are in graduate school. But that is 2 people out of 80. So that should give you an idea of how rare that is. Its always possible that there are more older people whom I don't know. Because I don't know/recognize a lot of people, which probably contributes to my social problems. But at the same time I probably would have noticed older people since they tend to stand out. So I would say maybe there is one or two old people in addition to them, but probably not much more.



I know serving elders first comes from respect of elders. That is precisely why I felt angry about it as a kid since in my mind "respecting elders" was equivalent to "disrespecting youngers". If it wasn't the issue of respect I wouldn't care: I wasn't that hungry. But since it was about respect thats why I was so upset.

But in any case, in America respecting elders doesn't seem to be a thing. Thats why its kind of like I can never win. When I was young I was in a country that respects olders (Russia) and when I am old I am in a country that respects youngers (America), so I ended up inferior both times just for opposite reasons.



Yeah, my mom explained it to me in the exact way you did. But in USA its not a thing. Only in Russia. So I guess Finland is similar to Russia in this respect.

So the fear of them possibly thinking you're flirting with them is one of the reasons you don't want to approach people? I suppose that's understandable, but again, if you're not willing to put in any effort (=talk to people yourself), you shouldn't complain about people not talking to you. Like I've said before, you shouldn't expect others to do all the work for you.



But if random people see you and decide that you, along with many of the others, are not one they would want to speak to at the moment, how in the world could you make them think over their decision if by not going to talk to them first?

Also, you're seeing this as too black and white. Going to talk to someone is not the same as forcing them to talk to you. If they don't want to talk to you, all they have to do is say "Excuse me, but I'm busy" or something similiar and walk away. And then you'll know they don't want to talk to you. Actual forcing would be following them or otherwise insisting that they should talk to you after they've made it clear that they don't want to. Besides, with your logic all the people around you could be thinking that you don't want to talk to them, because if you did, you would do it. In other words, double standard.



Do they have any reason to do so? If not, they aren't any different than the others.



Oh right, that one. That stereotype doesn't refer to old people as a whole, just ones that behave in certain ways, like old men who stare at young women, who go and talk to only young women, who hit on women young enough to be their daughters or even granddaughters etc. Other than this stereotype though, there aren't any that negative stereotypes about older people, so as long as you don't hit on women in their late teens/early twenties and make sure you talk to others too if you end up in a situation where you can talk with young women, you should be able to dodge this stereotype.



Ever seriously thought of going back to Russia? You often post things that make it sound you'd like it there. Plus, Russia's currently suffering of major brainpower leak, so a well educated person such as yourself would probably be welcomed as a useful asset.



Seems so, but it really seems to be this way in most places... maybe its just certain circles is USA where it's not a thing? Like places with lots of young people, such as universities? Does someone born in USA know if this is the case?

There’s a great respect for older folks amongst most sensible people in the US.

However, one thing that is somewhat deficient: older people living with their children. When older people cannot take care of themselves, they tend to be put in nursing homes instead of their children taking care of them.

I can't find the longer quote, but Mr Bede pointed out that they all met because of their love of Italy and not the reason George thought.

You all have a mutual interest in your interactions. That's the catalyst rather than age.

But you see how it is a no-win situation if I am being forced to choose between them thinking I a flirting and simply not talking.



The key phrase here is “along with many others”. I suppose any specific occasion it is true. But if you put lots of occasions together then everyone ends up getting someone talking to them, except for me. If there were many people that were loners like me, I wouldn’t be complaining.

So maybe people rate each other on scale 1 to 10. Now, whether they would talk to someone is not *just* about the rating but also about an occasion. Did they notice similar interests? Are they busy at the moment? So I can imagine myself talking to a 5 instead of a 10 due to those other parameters. But I would never talk to a 1, that would be a disgraceful (I mean, by 1 I mean someone homeless or stuff like that). So if people were to rate me as 5, then sure, I would get talked to less often than a 10, but I would still get talked often enough not to complain. But if they rate me as 1 or 2, then nobody talks to me at all, which is what I am seeing.

So what I am asking them to do is to rate me as 5 rather than 2. I mean, I am not homeless. Quite the opposite, I am in grad school. I guess I might not be into sports or into other things, that’s why I am not a 10, but I surely deserve to be a 5. If only I was rated as a 5, then being talked to would be a natural bi-product.



Saying “a person who does A, does A” is not a stereotype, that’s a taughtology. A stereotype would be “a person who does A, also does B”. In other words I get accused of doing B without actually doing B, which is a problem.

So what would A and B be in case of dirty old man stereotype?



Actually, yes, but in an academic context. Being professor in the USA is too competitive, which is why I keep going back to school instead. In Russia I might get in, due to brain drain.

One thing that was stopping me is that I was told in Russia scientists get paid very little. In India I was paid little, too. But in India food was cheap. I. Russia I was told it won’t be that cheap. So I was basically told the prices would be comparable to Europe while the salary would be comparable to India, which means I would need another job. And I was told that by someone who actually works as a scientist in Russia. He said he doesn’t even show up at his work place and works second job. But if so that doesn’t sound any better than having “one” job I don’t want in America and just do physics on my spare time in the evening —the exact situation I am trying to avoid. Well I guess it’s better in a sense that I will put science job on my CV. But the point of CV is to be able to use it to get some other job later. So I guess I could go to Russia just for a while, but it doesn’t look that appealing based off what he described.

However, one possibility to consider is that he might be wrong. Because someone else who works in Russia told me it’s none sense, in his institute people get well paid. I guess the first guy actually knows my father while the second guy is someone I just had a random encounter at a conference. So he might try to sugar coat things for his own purposes since he doesn’t have my best interest at heart.

I guess this also relates to another issue that when I search for jobs online internationally, they never show Russian jobs. That’s why I can’t actually look up what the pay is, and go by hear-say. I remember during one of the conferences in Russia when I was talking to conference organizer about a job he said why don’t you show up to such and such place and see what happens. This seems to suggest they might still do it in old fashioned way. Which is actually how I might prefer: here in America sometimes I wish I could just show up instead of waiting weeks or months to hear a response. But at the same time it won’t really work unless I am physically there which I am not.

And speaking of traveling to Russia, I now have two self imposed barriers that I didn’t have before. First of all, I didn’t get vaccinated. Now, at my university I obtained religious exemption. I suppose I could get religious exemption at other places in America too. But I am not sure whether said exemption can apply to international travel. My intuition says probably not. However, it is also possible they no longer require vaccination for travel. At least they no longer have mask requirement within USA. I will have to look into that.

Then the other thing is that I lost my American passport and I don’t want to get another one because it has microchip in it. Now, in case of Russian passport (I have dual citizenship) I have a choice whether I want to get it with a chip (and have it last 10 years) or without a chip (and have it last 5 years). So I can just choose to get the one without a chip. But with American passport I don’t have such a choice. But here is the problem. Since America doesn’t recognize Russian citizenship, when I travel I use American passport in American airport and Russian passport in Russian airport. So if I only get Russian passport without getting American one, I won’t be able to leave the US this way.

And the other question I have is this. The websites that say that a passport with the chip is the mark of the beast, often argue that the issue is the way they take your photo: as in, the new photo equipment puts a mark on the forehead during the actual photo shot. But in this case, even if I get a passport without a chip, they would still be using that same photo equipment. So I don’t see how it would address the issue. Which is what stopping me from getting the Russian passport too.



Well, I been to other places too. For example I been to church. I been to restaurants. I haven’t noticed it there either.

The other thing I was told in Russia is that younger person says hi first. We, at the church the older people might say hi to me first, while the younger people never approach me. So that seems a bit opposite to what I was taught in Russia.

Last edited by QFT on 29 May 2022, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do you have any examples?

Many examples.

Don’t you respect your mother?

Americans don’t. In fact, one of the main issues my first two long term girlfriends had throughout a relationship is that they felt like I was controlled by my mother. The second girlfriend was actually pushing me to stand up to my mom and towards the end of the relationship even speculating how I should break ties with her.

Now, I only had three long term girlfriends and the third girlfriend is an anomaly because she was raised in strict southern Baptist family and still lives with her parents even now at 39. So in her case, yes, she respected the elders, she even wanted me to call her parents as mister and miss. And, of course, she didn’t have any issues with my mom either.

But since my third long term girlfriend is an anomaly, I would say American mindset is represented by the first two. And they didn’t respect my mother.

There might be some other reason. Maybe they think your mother is domineering.

Obviously, I don’t know your mother….I would certainly respect her if I would meet her.

I used to hang out with old ladies sitting on benches when I was a kid. I’ve always respected older people.