What is the best way to deal with sociopaths?
Can spot them too.
They really are just like trolls. They try to either get stuff/money from you, or they try to get an emotional reaction for their pleasure from you (they love the sense of power). A good example would be subtle insults, and if you call them on it, they will deny it. They will attempt to make it look like you're the crazy one, or you're being too sensitive or immature for not loving their subtle abuse. Sometimes they even trick us into believing it, too!
Best things you can do if you have to interact with them is to do two things.
1. Respect them as much as you can (without sacrificing your values). This means, if they say something that's subtly disrespectful, just give very short responses that assume they meant well. If you call them on their behavior, they often win (by making you the emotional, crazy one). They want you to call them out! It's often a trap. You are the only one who has control of your emotions.
If the insult if obvious or hurtful, or if they are heading towards violence, the way I would call them out for it, is to do it very briefly, calmly, and then end the discussion. Especially if you can back it up with a consequence (such as, if you treat me disrespectfully again, I will leave). Then back it up every single time.
2. Set boundaries. Never accept an agreement with them where you could be left disappointed. Never depend on them, and never give them an inch. Always assert your boundaries with a pleasant, respectful attitude, and you give them nothing.
Also, one other thing to note (when dealing with insults).. Silence has power. Use it (follow the silence with a "Anyways.....". Also... a "Hmm... that's interesting", has a good effect, too). Just never show them your hurt/angry emotions.
They really are just like trolls. They try to either get stuff/money from you, or they try to get an emotional reaction for their pleasure from you (they love the sense of power). A good example would be subtle insults, and if you call them on it, they will deny it. They will attempt to make it look like you're the crazy one, or you're being too sensitive or immature for not loving their subtle abuse. Sometimes they even trick us into believing it, too!
Best things you can do if you have to interact with them is to do two things.
1. Respect them as much as you can (without sacrificing your values). This means, if they say something that's subtly disrespectful, just give very short responses that assume they meant well. If you call them on their behavior, they often win (by making you the emotional, crazy one). They want you to call them out! It's often a trap. You are the only one who has control of your emotions.
If the insult if obvious or hurtful, or if they are heading towards violence, the way I would call them out for it, is to do it very briefly, calmly, and then end the discussion. Especially if you can back it up with a consequence (such as, if you treat me disrespectfully again, I will leave). Then back it up every single time.
2. Set boundaries. Never accept an agreement with them where you could be left disappointed. Never depend on them, and never give them an inch. Always assert your boundaries with a pleasant, respectful attitude, and you give them nothing.
Also, one other thing to note (when dealing with insults).. Silence has power. Use it (follow the silence with a "Anyways.....". Also... a "Hmm... that's interesting", has a good effect, too). Just never show them your hurt/angry emotions.
A lot of good advice there.
The silence is the best. It translates to, "You are crazy."
Antisocial people tend to make very reckless decisions, just because they don't have the finesse for more covert actions. And certainly not the patience! Never. While a narcissist quickly becomes a master manipulator, can lie in wait and look out for the best moment to attack the prey. You have to know for yourself what kind of people you surround yourself with, but always remember that their behavior and attitude can certainly rub off.
I think you misunderstood what I was saying. Given a choice between a narcissist and a sociopath, I'd choose the sociopath every time. I've got two or three friends who are sociopaths; the only full-blown narcissist I ever trusted tried to kill me (he did other things too, but that's what really stands out to most people). I'm not saying that narcissists won't be violent or dangerous. Trusting a narcissist and interacting with it frequently is definitely more dangerous than doing so with a sociopath in most cases.
But if you end up having tangential interactions with a narcissist and don't go any further with it, it probably won't take much of an interest in you. Narcissists are interested in people they can use and manipulate; if you don't show interest in it, then it'll probably leave you alone, whereas a lot of the sociopaths I know can get really aggressive towards people they barely know who happen to irritate them in small ways. Narcissists are only dangerous if you get onto their radar of possible targets; sociopaths are more reckless.
Depending on your personality type, fighting fire with fire might work.
Just beat them at their own game.
If you are more clean cut, however, it can be a difficult battle against a sociopath.
Setting clear boundaries, making their behaviour witnessable, keeping some form of surveillance on you, and figuring out what reaction they want you to make is a good start. They will do something expecting you to react a certain way or say certain things, that will play into their game of chess. You will have to think a couple of moves ahead, unfortunately.
_________________
Yours sincerely, some dude.
Here's a post I made in regards to Psychopaths, while they are different, they're not so different that there isn't at least some commonality between the two, especially in regards to how keenly they suffer from boredom. Hopefully you're able to reap some wisdom from it.
Compared to those of us with Autism, they are really quite mundane, though their spectrum is a bit like ours in terms of the variety, so the individual traits that they have can vary quite wildly. The one thing that they all have in common is their insatiable boredom, it eats away at their very souls and most of anything that they do is in an attempt to quell that hunger, if only momentarily.
If you have Autism and your in the closet about it, then you should try to avoid Psychopaths, while Sociopaths see us a enigmas, and often find our presence alone unsettling and irritating. Psychopaths have a habit of seeing us as other Psychopaths, whose initial meetings are as liken to two stags crossing paths at the height of the mating season, a direct threat that must be answered and carried out with extreme prejudice.
Depending on the type of Autism you have, this is either going be an entertaining battle of wits, or a harrowingly traumatic event that will scar you for life. Sometimes simply stating that your not a Psychopath, that you have another condition, and that you have no interest in dueling with them, can rebuff their advances. Most of the time however, when a Psychopath commits to something, their invested in it, at which point it becomes near impossible to change course. So upon declaring that you're not a Psychopath, and that you have no interesting in playing "The Game" with them, you should try to put as much distance between you as you can, just don't run away, they'll usually give chase.
Those people with Autism who are able to "battle wits" with them are to Psychopaths what Psychopaths are to Neuraltypicals. It is not unheard of for people with highly communicative, manipulative, or stubborn Autistic traits to hunt down Psychopaths, to some it is a game, a logical way to safely practice their craft, and/or they find the sense of poetic justice satisfyingly ironic.
On the other hand, people with Autism and Psychopaths tend to make for some the staunchest of allies, and truest of friends. Our unorthodox, often erratic lifestyles, coupled with our unquenchable thirst for knowledge and self discovery, tends to make us somewhat inexhaustible sources of free entertainment. While a content Psychopath is a bastion of stability, a source of free advice and wisdom, it's their friendship and trust that is the true prize.
Relationships with Psychopaths are slow to build, but once they've been firmly founded, they're there to stay, there are few relationships that can hold a candle to such a sincere, genuine bond of eternal friendship. Just don't betray them, most unhinged Psychopaths have killed for a lot less than having one of their inner circle stabbing them in the back.
_________________
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.
Another trick for dealing with sociopaths is responding to their abuse with a question. This is useful when they are poking at your wounds/making you uncomfortable. You can always respond to an insult/nosiness with a polite question like "What makes you think that?", or, "Would you mind explaining yourself more?". You may just find them backtracking on their words; trying to save face. It's a nice alternative to just letting it slide.
I also wanted to clarify that the reason it's so important not show your hurt/angry emotions isn't out of pride - it is because showing your emotions is actually reinforcing their abusive behavior. Take away the reinforcement, and they will leave you alone because you are boring.
When these kinds of people try to belittle me I usually look at them, don't say anything and try not to have much emotional reaction. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is a good idea though because I don't know if this prevents them from acting that way again or if it just reinforces it.
Well, you can't always ignore people, as sometimes people are coworkers and stuff like that. Just be wary, even if it gets you called paranoid, unless it's clear you don't have to be.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 91 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 122 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits
The majority of the people I have worked with and dealt with in real life all resemble sociopaths to me. It seems like if you don't have something that they want or they can't find a way to manipulate you then they just discard you like an old pair of sneakers. The ones who are not sociopaths tend to be the quieter ones, I have observed.
If in your gut you feel they are a sociopath, just avoid them at all costs. Keep conversations minimal. People can't engage with you if you do not give them something to engage with.
Clinically speaking you are talking about quite a high bar. So those with clinical significance are rare.
On the other hand, these type of behaviors may be more normal, just not as clear cut.
You could argue that a large number of people become narcissistic, once they get behind the wheel of a car.
We can all be guilty of self importance, it is how the rest of their life balances things out.
Well narcissists are more motivated by deep-seated scene that they are flawed and this must never be exposed, and they are in need of constant adoration. However yes they can be violent, becuase they will stop at nothing to do this.
A famous example
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Claude_Romand
Sadism may be linked to lack of empathy. I think the fine line idea implies that they are are on the same axis. My view of empathy is it wrongly defined and is somewhat different in reality form how it is characterised, but that is a a long essay question.
Yes sadist tend not to be empathetic, however lacking empathy needn't mean sadism. Sadist lack sympathy of other, and actively enjoy suffering of others.
Malignant narcissism is a harder one to pin down. It could be a spiral as in they aren't satisfied enough by their actions. Or possibly diminishing people is enjoyable.
Like sadism it is additive for them.
auntblabby
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it has been my experience that they tend to accumulate in business [in management] and gov't/military. if you work in those areas, watch your back, and observe and observe some more. keep as quiet as possible, "hide in plain sight." I was in the military/uncivil service for 2+ decades and I was surrounded by them. they only respect overwhelming force, and then only grudgingly. they have no fear, nothing deters them other than being physically prevented from doing harm. they are excellent at getting leadership on their side, and turning coworkers against you. and since they are everywhere and also drastically undercounted, moving to another job is no guarantee one can give 'em the slip, you'll probably end up with a few in your new workplace. their sole purpose in this world is to serve as a bad example.
Kanenas
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Well narcissists are more motivated by deep-seated scene that they are flawed and this must never be exposed, and they are in need of constant adoration. However yes they can be violent, becuase they will stop at nothing to do this.
A famous example
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Claude_Romand
Yes sadist tend not to be empathetic, however lacking empathy needn't mean sadism. Sadist lack sympathy of other, and actively enjoy suffering of others.
Malignant narcissism is a harder one to pin down. It could be a spiral as in they aren't satisfied enough by their actions. Or possibly diminishing people is enjoyable.
Like sadism it is additive for them.
I don't disagree with that by any means. I think malignant narcisissm truly is the worst of the worst, though and many covert/overt narcissists could not really relate to that particular shade of it. They could explain the behavior, but they let me know there are differences.
Do tell!
Anything high up the career ladder is said to be filled with them, yes. I don't know how fair it is to say it, but they're supposed to be jobs which require you to walk on other people (managers, lawyers), power play (cops, feds, judges, etc.) or do things "normal" people would not be able to stomach (surgeon or dentist).
_________________
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ΟΥΤΙΣ ΕΜΟΙ Γ’ ΟΝΟΜΑ·ΟΥΤΙΝ ΔΕ ΜΕ ΚΙΚΛΗΣΚΟΥΣΙ ΜΗΤΗΡ ΗΔΕ ΠΑΤΗΡ ΗΔ’ ΑΛΛΟΙ ΠΑΝΤΕΣ ΕΤΑΙΡΟΙ.
auntblabby
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how depressing. stop this world, I wanna get off of it. no wonder the hindus refer to this place as a "hell world."
I am happy I don't know any of them in real life so I would try and avoid them if I can if I did know one.
Since people are talking about narcissism in this thread, after I had been reading about it, I can now spot them easily and looking back I realize which people online I have correspond with were narcissists. I knew they had issues then but I didn't know what they were. But since it's online they could just be professor trolls than narcissists so I think it would be harder to tell online who is a narcissist because they could just be a troll but I had realized my brother's ex girlfriend is a narcissist and I can spot them on the Dr. Phil show and I realized my ex was one too. I am not sure about the first if he was a sociopath or not but I agree with my mother now he did have big problems. There is no winning with them, the only way to win is to move on, go no contact, and live happy. Then they no longer have power or control over you.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
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