Why do people bad mouth each other?

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I would give you examples but I don't like talking behind people's backs.

If they're members here you could send them PMs to let them know that you are criticising them.

Bad mouthing and putting down is an instinctive trait for some people. It allows them to boost their self confidence by highlighting the blunders of others. The need for self esteem can be juxtaposed with Vampirism; backstabbing just being an indirect method of leeching.

To have a little fun, if you observe someone doing this to a 3rd party, swiftly say they're wrong about their criticism, and highlight one of their most recent blunders. They'll storm off defeated, and go to another friend to backstab you. If you want a little more fun/proof, do this in tandem with some friends/associates. Repeated enough times by enough people, the gossiping rogue will be foiled and society will be bettered.

**Caution: don't do this to someone you actually want to maintain a friendship with.

I've found this handy for: the distant acquaintance who just wants to vent, obnoxious people who keep disturbing my alone time, and people who aren't quite aware that I hear them when they talk behind my back.

Cheers and good luck,

It is supposively part of the way we find our place in society. I find it really annoying, too, if you manage to get drawn into it - and then they extrapolate on what you're saying and make it worse than it is.

Still, this seems to be a large part of normal culture, especially in female circles. I don't understand why woman hate each other so much intellectually, other than that they behave in these fashions. I suppose emotionally backstabbing and belittling would allow more chances at a prospective mate, maybe?

It's part of human bonding and part of life, just deal with it.

True, but Aspies do not bond well with others, even other Aspies. Just an observation. It's pretty hard to get over it if this sort of thing happens to you all of your life. It's taken me more than 20 years to get to the point where I could care less what people say. I'm sure there are people talking behind my back all the time, especially at work. The way to get around it is to just let it go. It doesn't really matter what other people think.

I believe that people bad mouth eachother in order to feel more superior, if their confidence is generally low.

Usually people who bully others, talk about others without them knowing and start rumors do those things to try and conseal their own insecurities and doubts about their own self worth and abilities.

Atleast, thats what i've gathered from my research. Hopefully i'm not wrong.

I used to defend everyone when I was younger. People would look at me and go "why are you defending them with your life? You don't even know them.'' I just thought it was unfair. Now I don't say anything. I fear that the person will start bad-mouthing me behind my back. I still think its unfair.

Yes aspies can bad mouth each other too. It's human behavior, not NT. Look on I2 and on zomg. That is a perfect example.

I was thinking about it some more. Because ppl are always talking about me at work. How when I was in my early 20's I was naive and never talked about other ppl and always defended them if other ppl talked bad about them behind their back. It was one of the things about myself that I was made to feel bad about and had to change in order to fit in better with everyone. Makes me think about all the other changes I had to make to my personality in order to fit in better with society. I feel like I could never just be myself. I don't even think I know who I am anymore. If you know what I mean.

dont worry what people are saying behind your back it only proves you are two steps infront

I have this large repulsion to gossip too.

Sometimes, one must get things off their chest.

I know I can only bottle frustrations so long before I have to tell somebody. However, if I must vent frustrations about people, I do it in a safe environment, i.e. in my counselor's office, or to my mom.

One reason that I stood out for my ex husband was because I didnt b***h about people behind their backs. I still dont in general. However, having been really hurt by a so called friend, I find that talking about her to a good friend makes me feel better - partly because I am trying to understand why my ex friend did what she did and partly just because I hate her for it and sometimes need to express that hate (rather than just hitting her or something that might be the alternative).

However, there is a difference here, because I would say the same thing to said person's face if we were talking to each other (and indeed I did say some things I felt were true that she didnt like - hence why she wont talk to me). What I cant stand is people (the vast majority it seems) who talk about people behind their backs, then are friendly towards them when they see them. I just cant do this at all and I cant understand it. I tend to believe, when people say bad things about someone, that they dont like this person, then I find it hard to see them act friendly towards them. Makes me wonder what they think about me.

Yup! that is something I could never understand about normal ppl. I would be thinking these ppl are best friends and come to find out they actually HATED each other. They always acted so chummy when they got together. Then behind their back say bad stuff about them and I would say "I thought you guys were friends,'' and they would say "no I cannot stand her/him." I would be totally surprised and mystified .

Mad mouthing others and making them seem small is what NTs do in order to climb the social pecking order.