Eye contact

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I have that problem, too. Often, once they speak, I recognize their voice. Or, I will recognize who they were right after they go past me, and I'm left kicking myself (figuratively) for not saying something sooner.

This problem was actually fixed in a strange way for me.

When I was 14, I lost my hearing on the left side. So, it is often difficult for me to understand people (especially if there is background noise).
I learned to fill in the gaps by doing rudimentary lip-reading, which requires looking people in the face. Most of the time, it appears just as if I was looking them in the eyes.

Although it does get difficult when they are located on my deaf side.

This problem however did not help my AS problem very much do, it is another part of social isolation.

Is there a thread about prosopagnosia (face-blindness) here? I need to go back through the archives... <searches> Yeah, there are at least two, though these are a bit old:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... pic&t=1010
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... pic&t=1102

Needless to say, I'm face-blind to at least a mild extent... there are people whom I've known for quite a while, whom I simply can't recognize in a crowd or otherwise out of their normal 'context'.

In my case it's not prosopagnosia that makes me "forget" a face so much as a lack of bothering to notice it in the first place. I have read autism described as "extreme egotism", meaning that the autistic person is generally oblivious to the presence of other people because the mind is focussed inwards. Obviously Aspies are more socially aware than Kanner autistics, however I find my awareness of others is still quite limited -- if I have a reason to interact with someone then I will usually associate their face to their function and may even remember their name (although that's pretty unlikely unless it's an ongoing series of meetings). If I don't have a reason to interact then their face may become familiar but lack context.

For example, I have been working for the same company for 13 years. Seven years ago I was tranferred from the east coast to the west coast. In the intervening years since the transfer I became familiar with a lot of new faces. Last year I was at the head office and bumped into someone who was there on unrelated business. I knew his face was familiar, and could easily assume that it was someone I knew from work (as opposed to some other social contact) because of where we ran into each other. The problem was that I couldn't remember if he was from the west coast or the east coast. I guessed wrong and managed to embarass myself slightly. As a result of that conversation, I'll probably always remember both his name and his position within the company.

I can echo most of what I've read on this forum. Then I get irritated about having to worry about NT's feelings. However, since there's more of them than of us we just have to fit in the best we can.

I notice this isn't a problem when i'm intoxicated. I think when we stare, we really focus..we dont mean to . It s natural for us, and for the NT's its too much of a glaring stare, therefore makes them uncomfortable. When one is intoxicated, the eyes are relaxed...

That's interesting, what you said Stros. And because NTs are so programmed into finding underlying messages in non verbal behaviour, people with AS have to be careful not to give the wrong impression. It seems to me that if you accidently lock eyes with a NT of the opposite gender, they might think you want to have sex with them. If you do the same with an NT of the same gender, then they'll take it as aggression in the form of a challenge. (For gay people, I guess the first thing would apply).

The the answer is to let you eyes sweep theirs briefly and not lock into theirs.

Eye contact is my main problem, I'm terrible at it unless I'm with 1 or 2 certain people. I can make eye contact if I try it's just very uncomfortable and i want to look away.
I also have a habit of staring at people, like if there's something about their face I find interested I keep focusing on it, and they often notice so I look away really fast and pretend I wasn't staring.

i do not look at peoples eyes. every time i do, they smile and treat me in a way i do not understand, and i can not keep up with how they treat me.
i can not understand what is special about eyes.

they are just features in a persons face. they are used by a person to see. why do people not have a desire to inspect noses or ears? why are eyes so important?.

i sometimes glance at a persons face, and i also glance at their eyes, but after i know what their eyes look like, then i do not need to see them again.i remember what they look like.
eyes are said to be "the window of the soul", but to me, eyes are just spherical organs that allow their owners to see.

if i look at a persons eyes because they demand me to during conversation, then all i see is their iris and pupil, and i have no idea about how they think that helps.

once i was thought by some doctors to have a psychopathic personality because of my obliviousness to eyes and what they are supposed to "say".
but i am not psychopathic. i feel a persons understanding in some way, but it is not through looking at them.

eye contact is not really possible if you think literally about it. our bony ocular orbital ridges prevent the touching of one persons eye to another persons eye. eye contact is impossible except at the instant of death.
eg: 2 people driving in opposite directions each at 110 kmh collide squarely head on.
it is likely that as their faces smash into each other that they will have eye contact.

whether or not it is meaningful, only those 2 will ever know.

sorry that was a gross concept.

I can't tolerate eye contact. If anything contacts my eye...like a finger, an eyelash, a small pebble, or, presumably, a contact lens...then I just go nuts.

I have very sensitive eyes.

OMG... WP is just the most awesome site on the web... and you know, I'm a web developing egomaniac... so for me to hold it above something I wrote is kinda a big deal... lol...

As soon as I saw this thread I thought "The Hallway Conundrum"

You're in a long hallway, which for me is anything beyond about 20 feet... and someone else is walking toward you... what the heck do non-us* people do?

I mean... ok at about 30 feet, I can make eye contact... but then what... do we just stare at each other until we pass? At what point do I nod and smile... Is there a point where I can't nod or smile because it was an indication I want to talk or something... is there something their doing that means THEY want to talk?

By the time they are about 10 feet out I have lost all reason completely and I am in a state of panic (which tends to read in other people like "apathetic superiority" which has always seemed weird to me)...

Finally they pass and say "How are you today?"

...and I of course reply "You too!"

===

(I prefer "flatscans," but invariably, someone is going to be offended by that. Has the political correct society of people whose feelings sensitive to the needs of everyone given us a term for people who are less like us)

That's a great one... I'm with you there... compounding my inability to make eye contact with my horrific short term memory... I don't know anyone's eye color except my wife (Brown) and I only know that because she asked after about our third date and I had no damned idea... I BSed my way out of it, and then checked the next time I saw her, and then I wrote it down.

I am completely with you there...

I do "ok" if I know its coming... at a meeting, or interview or something... but you walk up to me at a party and start talking and I am screwed.

Of course... I need about 5 seconds lead time on ANYTHING... but the only places other people tend to notice are conversation and driving (I can't take directions like "turn here"... "HERE" is where I will be in 3-6 seconds, so really, it would be better if you just said "Turn on that street we just drove by" cause thats whats going to happen)...

At a party with any sort of ambient volume, though, there is a built in save... you can look down and away, while turning your ear toward them. Makes it look like you are trying to concentrate over the din... then, after you have a couple seconds to compose yourself, you can look back at them and smile and nod like you are supposed to (or whatever)... and you don't seem QUITE as offputting...

I know this one pretty well... my sight is pretty lousy outside of 1 meter... but I didn't have corrected vision until I was 16, for various reasons... I'm a LOT more comfortable with eye contact when I have my glasses off... because I can't see their facial expressions, and for some reason, ignorance of them is more blissful than seeing them and not knowing what they mean...

Still... I don't talk to people without them... the "responsible" part of me is always too concerned I will need my vision in a critical moment. Its like cutting off your hand to avoid having to shake someone elses... sure... you save that discomfort... but uh... really not a win overall.

it appears to be NT... I have realized out of the rather Awesome context of my fellow Awesomites...

Clearly it does NOT stand for "Not Awesome"... unless its intentionally misspelled to confuse the clearly LESS Awesome... which I suspect is how will think about it from this point forward...

The hallway weirdness! Yes, the same thing happens to me! I hate hallways, and even certain sidewalks, for that very reason. The awkwardness drives me crazy, to the point where I have been known to hide behind doorways sometimes, until the other person passes by. Or else, I will pretend to be SO fascinated with my wristwatch, or a painting on the wall, that I don't even notice the other person approaching me. I'm really glad you brought this up, Solstice. It helps to know I'm not the only one with this issue.