29 Aug 2016, 3:16 pm
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
IRL is more difficult for me, because there are so many social nuances that I just don't get. I'm also not a good conversationalist, and prefer to retreat into my tablet.
Conversely, I am more successful with connections IRL. I find it frustrating, but recognize it as the status quo.
Conversely, I am more successful with connections IRL. I find it frustrating, but recognize it as the status quo.
i actually am a good conversationalist. the problem for me is the part when i don't talk...
in groups it means i'll usually either monopolize the conversation (which gets exhausting because, besides having to address several people at once, my behavior and my reactions become all the more important when i'm the center of attention. i feel horrible when i get home after that. it can take me months to recover), or i'll be too quiet and i'll feel like a doormat. there's not much in between
29 Aug 2016, 7:40 pm
anagram wrote:
one advice i think is worth giving is, if the interaction dies off but there was no reason for it (no disagreements or anything), and you miss the person, wait until you notice that you had forgotten them, and message them asking them how they've been doing / what they've been up to (and sharing what you'd like them to know that you've been up to yourself, so they have an idea what kinds of things you want to know about them), and say what reminded you of them. that way you'll have a meaningful conversation (re)starter right there. and then just leave it at that until they reply. sometimes people won't have anything to say right away but they may reply months later once they've forgotten you again and remembered you back
Great advice. I occasionally have this silly problem of losing touch, thinking about the person frequently, but then not knowing how I should reach back out. My friends say to just pick up the phone or send a message and not worry about it, because that's just what happens with people, they lose touch. They say that one person has to reach back out, so it might as well be me. I like your advice though, adds a nice touch.
About my software, I'm using the iPhone with Voiceover right now. Googling "Voiceover iOS" will pull up some cool videos. There's lots of cool tech that reads the screen aloud.
I'm a terrible liar too, so I literally rehearse the lie and create a full story, on the rare occasions I'm expected to do it.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
So remember that within the crowd, the stronger you are, the weaker you are. No one is coming to your aid if you get into a fight. But the man who fights a woman in a public space also fights ten other men. A single woman can outnumber him ten to one (with a little help from strangers).
This is good news for women. They can live without fear.
This is good news for women. They can live without fear.
Thanks, RetroGamer87. Maybe not ten men, there's still the bystander effect that makes the average person do nothing. But all it takes is one person to stand up and help, or at least call the police, to turn the tide sometimes. Assailants don't want that kind of attention. Not sure where that leaves male victims though. Perhaps it depends on whether people see how the fight started.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
DataB4 wrote:
The thing about verbal conversation is that it's usually fast-paced and spontaneous, so it's harder to be someone else for very long.
Bad news for me 
It's hard for me to be fast-paced and spontaneous in any conversation but in my case that results from me being socially awkward, not from being someone other than who I say I am.I'm not looking to judge social awkwardness though, only harmful intentions. Stalkers, malicious pranksters, thieves, manipulative people, and violent offenders are the shady people to avoid, the ones I estimated to be somewhere around 5% of men on these dating sites.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
If you want to gauge someone based on fast responses, that would be more effective in person or at least over the phone. In dating site chats, it can be very common for 10 or 20 minutes to elapse between each response on both sides. That affords a lot of time for the would be sociopath to plan his responses slowly and carefully.
Yes, you got it. Again, not that real time verbal conversations and longer text interactions always catch 'em all, but it's worth trying.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
DataB4 wrote:
That means that I'm likely to come across at least one if I meet guys regularly. It's safer for me not to meet every guy online and to instead pick and choose. I need to feel like if I'm taking the risk and getting sick to my stomach, there needs to be an incentive.
It must be really hard for you. All I risk is embarrassment.Cool, thanks for understanding. Since I just have generalized anxiety disorder, the social landscape is no more frightening than any other, until I feel the potential danger of seriously getting hurt, or hurting/seriously offending another person. So maybe as I meet more guys in person that I originally met online, I'll be less anxious about it.
30 Aug 2016, 4:25 am
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,157
Location: Adelaide, Australia
31 Aug 2016, 5:58 am
whatamievendoing wrote:
anagram wrote:
for me at least, meeting soon/often is not a requirement. i think it did help solidify the connection with the friend i met, but i haven't met my other friend yet (the one i've known for 4 years). i think what makes more difference is that i intend to visit her eventually, and she says she wants to welcome me as a guest eventually. i know she means it. it could be next year or the next, i have no idea, and she has no idea either, because she has other things to worry about. but to me it doesn't matter when it's going to be, just the intention is enough
Good point. I have a friend I made relatively recently that lives on the opposite end of the planet, but we've both expressed our wishes to meet each other in person sooner or later. There are a few obstacles, however, money being the most immediate one. Either way, I do hope for it to be sooner rather than later. And since we'll most likely not be able to meet too often anyway, that only increases my hopes of meeting her ASAP.But, as you said, the intention is what counts for now.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Meeting Someone |
27 May 2025, 11:14 pm |
| Meeting girls at the beach. |
19 Jun 2025, 12:40 am |
| Trump Carney meeting |
06 May 2025, 9:22 pm |
| AI will surpass all real digital entertainment |
23 Jun 2025, 5:47 pm |
