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elderwanda
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07 Aug 2009, 9:02 pm

I'm just wondering, here. My son had a "playdate" at a playground, and I went along and talked with the mom for a bit. I didn't really know her, other than knowing that she's a teacher at the school, and having interacted with her a tiny bit. (Incidentally, this was the first time I'd socialized with a non-family member since February!)

I was fairly comfortable around her, relatively speaking, and it wasn't too awkward. Sometimes we talked about middle school (which my oldest son is going into, and her oldest son is already in), and sometimes we just watched our kids playing or just enjoyed the outdoors. At one point, some dark clouds went in front of the sun, and there was a moment when the ground was bright and well-lit, and the sky was dark. The parking area had a newly painted red curb, which looked really pretty in the sunlight, along with the bright green plants against the darkness of the sky. That's the kind of thing that I notice, and that I will happily point out to my husband, but I've noticed that some people think it's weird when you point out stuff like that. I decided to take the chance, and I said something like, "Oh, look how pretty that is, the way everything on the ground is so bright and colorful, but the sky is dark grey. I like that."

This lady I was with didn't really say anything or seem to know what to say. Now, I don't feel weird for saying it; but I wonder, would something like that generally be considered a strange thing to say? I mean, if you don't really know the other person very well? I think it's a little odd and disappointing when other people don't seem to appreciate that kind of thing, but there does seem to be some kind of stigma against saying something like that.

What's that all about? Does anyone know what I'm talking about?



pschristmas
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07 Aug 2009, 9:12 pm

I wouldn't have found it odd, but it's the sort of thing I notice, too, and would have enjoyed. :)

I don't think most people notice that many of the details in their surroundings, which is sad. She may come back later and ask if you're an artist.



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07 Aug 2009, 9:18 pm

I wouldn't have thought it strange, I thoroughly enjoy it anytime someone reveals an off-beat insight or observation. It doesn't happen often, but it's a delight to me when it does. My immediate reaction is to try to shift my point of view until I can see what is being described, laugh, and admit that I've never thought of it that way before, but whoever made the observation may well be right.

Anytime I've ever said anything similar, either to "normal" or "strange" people, I've never noticed any negative repercussions - I suspect "normal" people appreciate such things, too, but don't know quite what the right response should be.



elderwanda
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07 Aug 2009, 10:20 pm

Well, I think really I know that it isn't a "strange" thing to say. It's just that, so often in my life, people seem uncomfortable when you say things like that. The few people that I really connect with are the ones who appreciate that kind of thing, and do say things like that. I don't know if it's an aspie thing or not. The people that I know who appreciate those things are all a little AS-like, at least not blatantly NT.

When I was in the military, 20 years ago, I learned to be very careful about what I say. I'm no cultural diva by any stretch of the imagination, but I learned that if you gave any indication that you had ever read a book or been exposed to any kind of knowledge or art form other than episodes of "Married With Children", people get really uncomfortable. If people are talking about sports, and you mention that croquet is a neat game, but you prefer to use a ball rather than a hedgehog, everyone will just stare at you, as if they have never seen anything so weird. So you say, "You know, like they did in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? By Lewis Carroll?" And the looks continue, because no one has heard of it, or will admit to having heard of it.

I think perhaps, in certain circles, there is a stigma against showing that part of oneself.

--Actually the croquet example is just made up, but it's based on the fact that one of things we did at the playground was play croquet, and I mentioned Lewis Carroll. The mom had not read "Alice", which surprised me, because she's the school librarian.



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07 Aug 2009, 10:27 pm

The beauty of art is in the eye of the beholder. Your acquaintance probably would not appreciate being invited to smell a light purple rose either. Some people can't share that kind of thing because it involves letting down their guard. I would have enjoyed taking the time to look at your vision and compare my description to yours by saying "Yeah, that does look cool." or something else dumb.


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08 Aug 2009, 12:08 am

It is not a strange thing to say at all. But perhaps she did not agree with you and decided it was better to say nothing or perhaps she just did not care about what you had seen or perhaps she was distracted by something else. Who knows. Not everyone will respond to the things the way in which you hope (whether you say something normal or something weird) so try not to get disappointed or think it is odd. It's not odd. It is just that someone does not see things the same way as you.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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08 Aug 2009, 12:38 am

Seems statistically unusual, but odd would be in the eye of the beholder of course. People do usually seem to rather 'insulated' from the environment/etc around them in the sort way you mention.



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08 Aug 2009, 1:07 am

I don't think it's strange. Lots of people point out things about the scenery like that. I think.



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08 Aug 2009, 2:57 am

^^ Yaye, I believe I often enjoy noticing matters within the environment or surroundings such as this, as often enjoy pointing this out to the happy human that I may be accompanying. However, I believe I am not very skilled at translating my happy thoughts into words, and thus I often but state "Amazing!" or"Wow!". ^^ It is rather unusual I believe for another human to idicate such matters to me, however when they do so, I am very happy yet am not certain of what to respond, as often in this case they have stated thoughts similar to my own that I may have about the matter.

^^ For instance, at University during the winter, the sky would often become very happy and red and magical. ^^ There is also an artificial lake at my University, with duckies and geese. ^^ It is lovely when the sky becomes red and once my happy friend stated that he liked this event. I was very confused for what to say I believe as I enjoyed this also and agreed, yet find to difficult to translate my thoughts to words. ^^ Perhaps this may be the same for the lady you were speaking with. Sorry if this was not of much help for you.



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08 Aug 2009, 2:58 am

Yes, it's the same reason most men have problems interacting with women--esp those with children. Thier world is restricted to all my children, american idol, and Sams club super-saver deals. It's not thier fault, they are in domestic mommy world. If you talk about art or framing a picture in your mind, they will freak out. Or if you talk about your military experince...forget about it.



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08 Aug 2009, 5:06 am

when i notice things like that, sometimes i mention that i wish i'd brought a camera because it would make a good picture. for example i like the contrast of sunset and sunrise silhouettes, how things look in the early morning and twilight lighting when the weather is so and so, how sometimes the sky will be so open and clear and beautifully blue, pretty cloud formations, and...well, that mostly seems like sky-related examples but i also like water-related stuff. patches of clover, waterfalls, once i found a 3-headed dandilion with a stalk an inch and a half in diameter, one time when the fading light hit an oil stain and nearby white arrow painted on the road in just the right way, looking over a city at night from a plane and how pretty all those lights look from above. flying less than 1000 feet over skyscrapers in the dark, not being able to see them clearly, but knowing they're there looming in the darkness, empty architecture lost in shadow. looking out over a glacier lake high in the mountains and realizing you were more interested in the peculiar shrubbery and rock formations surrounding it's shore.

etc, etc.


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WoodenNickel
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08 Aug 2009, 11:33 am

elderwanda wrote:
When I was in the military, 20 years ago, I learned to be very careful about what I say. I'm no cultural diva by any stretch of the imagination, but I learned that if you gave any indication that you had ever read a book or been exposed to any kind of knowledge or art form other than episodes of "Married With Children", people get really uncomfortable. If people are talking about sports, and you mention that croquet is a neat game, but you prefer to use a ball rather than a hedgehog, everyone will just stare at you, as if they have never seen anything so weird. So you say, "You know, like they did in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? By Lewis Carroll?" And the looks continue, because no one has heard of it, or will admit to having heard of it.

I think perhaps, in certain circles, there is a stigma against showing that part of oneself.

I'm sometimes told not to show off my intelligence. It's very hard when you can see things others can't and they get upset that you're somehow superior to them. One thing I have learned in my studies (Adam Smith) is that I don't need to know everything as long as others have knowledge. My handyman probably didn't finish high school, yet he can do things I can't imagine. That's why I pay him.

BTW, that's a great joke. Me, I prefer to use hedgehogs. :wink:


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Seanmw
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08 Aug 2009, 3:50 pm

elderwanda wrote:
Well, I think really I know that it isn't a "strange" thing to say. It's just that, so often in my life, people seem uncomfortable when you say things like that. The few people that I really connect with are the ones who appreciate that kind of thing, and do say things like that. I don't know if it's an aspie thing or not. The people that I know who appreciate those things are all a little AS-like, at least not blatantly NT.

When I was in the military, 20 years ago, I learned to be very careful about what I say. I'm no cultural diva by any stretch of the imagination, but I learned that if you gave any indication that you had ever read a book or been exposed to any kind of knowledge or art form other than episodes of "Married With Children", people get really uncomfortable. If people are talking about sports, and you mention that croquet is a neat game, but you prefer to use a ball rather than a hedgehog, everyone will just stare at you, as if they have never seen anything so weird. So you say, "You know, like they did in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? By Lewis Carroll?" And the looks continue, because no one has heard of it, or will admit to having heard of it.

I think perhaps, in certain circles, there is a stigma against showing that part of oneself.

--Actually the croquet example is just made up, but it's based on the fact that one of things we did at the playground was play croquet, and I mentioned Lewis Carroll. The mom had not read "Alice", which surprised me, because she's the school librarian.
wasn't that book by Lewis Carrol actually originally titled "Through the Looking Glass"?

around here if you just refer to it though as "Alice in Wonderland" everyone here would know what you're talking about. Most people here still remember watching the Disney rendition of the movie. Although i think they're making a new movie of it soon starring johnny depp as the mad hatter.


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Seanmw
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08 Aug 2009, 3:51 pm

elderwanda wrote:
Well, I think really I know that it isn't a "strange" thing to say. It's just that, so often in my life, people seem uncomfortable when you say things like that. The few people that I really connect with are the ones who appreciate that kind of thing, and do say things like that. I don't know if it's an aspie thing or not. The people that I know who appreciate those things are all a little AS-like, at least not blatantly NT.

When I was in the military, 20 years ago, I learned to be very careful about what I say. I'm no cultural diva by any stretch of the imagination, but I learned that if you gave any indication that you had ever read a book or been exposed to any kind of knowledge or art form other than episodes of "Married With Children", people get really uncomfortable. If people are talking about sports, and you mention that croquet is a neat game, but you prefer to use a ball rather than a hedgehog, everyone will just stare at you, as if they have never seen anything so weird. So you say, "You know, like they did in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? By Lewis Carroll?" And the looks continue, because no one has heard of it, or will admit to having heard of it.

I think perhaps, in certain circles, there is a stigma against showing that part of oneself.

--Actually the croquet example is just made up, but it's based on the fact that one of things we did at the playground was play croquet, and I mentioned Lewis Carroll. The mom had not read "Alice", which surprised me, because she's the school librarian.
wasn't that book by Lewis Carrol actually originally titled "Through the Looking Glass"?

around here if you just refer to it though as "Alice in Wonderland" everyone here would know what you're talking about. Most people here still remember watching the Disney rendition of the movie. Although i think they're making a new movie of it soon starring johnny depp as the mad hatter.


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spooky13
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08 Aug 2009, 8:15 pm

It's not strange, I notice things like that all the time. The best part is when you tell someone and then they see what you see, and tell you they would've never noticed it. :)


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11 Aug 2009, 1:08 am

That is definitely the kind of thing I would have noticed, and would have enjoyed. But I wouldn't know how to start a conversation about it.

Whenever I do point out something about how beautiful the environment is, I get the same response from people. They just ignore my comment, and ignore me. Even if they weren't ignoring me, they didn't say anything.