Apologizing after a shutdown.. Relationship insight..

Post Reply New Topic

I've been in a weird thing since friday last week. Anti-phone and anti-social. Truth be told, I really don't want to talk to anyone but my fiancée. A "friend" (I use the term loosely) has been calling and texting the last couple days. I just don't have it in me to pick up the phone for him. My guilt over not answering exceeded my not wanting to use the phone. I sent a text to him tonight but didn't know what to say, so my message was very awkward; Weird funk. Sorry man. Very anti-social. No response. I think the relationship is burned and I assume he won't understand what I'm going through, or what I'm going through will put him off. I don't really care either way to be honest, but there's something that can be said to save it but I can't find the words. Maybe some of you have been through this already and have a pre-written script I can use? I have no intentions on explaining AS or anything of the nature with this guy. Maybe I should?

One of my obsessions is tools. I have lots, for all kinds of different things. I don't mind that someone "uses" me for my tools, or extensive knowledge on how to use them, or uses me for anything really. I see "friendships" as positions you put yourself in to get something in return later. I have absolutely no problem with it but don't friggin invite me to dinner. Don't invite me to meet the new girlfriend. I'm not coming over to hang out and you're not coming here to hang out. Don't invite me to your party. If there's work that needs to be done, fine, lets do it but other than that, don't call me until you need something. Why is that so hard for these people to understand? I don't hang out! I don't kick it! Maybe that's what I should tell him? I like working relationships with people. Is that so wrong? Lets work, lets see progress, lets see a task get accomplished.

TIA
Anthony

I wish there was a script, but even if there were, it wouldn't work for everyone! I have lost friends because of needing to shut down, and having them take it personally. I have both explained the AS, and chosen not to, and the results were the same. So, onward and upward, I guess. I really wish I knew the answer to this dilemma, and could help you out!

Haha. People always want to 'take me out to dinner' to thank me for helping them. I tell them 'thanks, but I don't eat'.

They're just being nice, but it's ironic how it's pure heck for me.

There's this one couple I know, one of them is about my best friend. I like to go to their house to fix things, and we talk while I'm working, and have a really good time. But it seems weird to just go there and hang out with him. They feel guilty about 'exploiting' me.

I've started explaining the aspie thing and it works really well. Once people know things like I don't do smalltalk, social groups are stressful, activities with a plan and purpose are OK, but hanging out isn't, I don't do eye contact, etc, and they know that it's because of brain wiring, they adjust.

It's like having allergies, or being vegan.