hurt & need advice on friend

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A couple of days ago, a friend of mine posted an obscene comment on my facebook profile (it was a definition of a stupid sexual position; probably made up but still disgusting). My classmates could all see it and one of them commented on it, saying that it was sick.

I sent my friend an email aknowledging that is was probably a joke, but could he please not post anything like that again. In response, he deleted the post and the comments beneath.

I was still angry that he had not messaged me back or said sorry despite clearly having upset me, so I sent another message saying 'thank you for removing the post. Can I have an apology please.'

No reply. He was on msn earlier and I said 'hi' but he didn't reply then either, and I phoned him up later on and he didn't answer (he is currently on facebook, so it is not a matter that he is asleep). I won't see him for ages because our timetables are very different.

I am very upset at his actions. We have been friends for over 3 years now and I don't want to throw it away on a stupid facebook post, but I really do feel disgusted and hurt.

The reason I am considering removing him as a friend though is because I recently blocked my ex boyfriend on msn for making obscene jokes about me, and have had enough of guys thinking they can say what they like or make out that I am something which I am not and get away with it (my friend has also had a habit in the past of asking extremely personal questions which I refuse to answer). My whole year could see what he posted on my facebook page; I don't want people to think this is the sort of stuff I like reading. I wouldnt mind so much if he did this sort of thing to other girls as well, or even to other people, but he doesn't.

What hurts me more than the post itself is that he hasn't bothered saying sorry or given any indication that he cares about the friendship. I guess he doesn't have to; he has plenty of friends to spare, whereas I only have a few. But I still don't think this is a valid reason to remain friends with someone who does not show the least respect.

Has anyone experienced something like this before, or give me some advice as to how to handle this situation? thank you.

Have you considered the possibility that someone else accessed his account and posted the message? The silent treatment may be because he is not sure how to apologize for something he didn't do...
.. or it could be that he in a bad mood one night and tuned into an arse, some people tend to do that if you add drugs or booze to the mix.

In reference to 'Oregon', it was most likely that this friend of yours was in a bad mood.
On personal experiences, I once had a friend who was a total schizo, to say the least. When he was in a good mood he was a real sweety (and yes, I did say "he"), but when he was in a bad mood he would take to all manner of verbal abuse, and he would also post piggish messages to my Truthbox on MySpace, which meant I wouldn't know who sent the message; I found out when he told me. He even insulted me for my way of life.

So trust me when I say that you are not alone in the scenario of having an arse for a friend. I've been there, mate. =[

Thanks for the responses!

Oregon, I did consider that maybe someone else was using his account, but he also left a separate reply under my classmate's comment. Whilst this may also have been another user, I doubt it as the style of writing was familiar and it's the sort of thing which he seems to find funny.

I think you may be right; it might have been booze or a lousy mood. I think he may have just been going through a very juvenile mood and now he's sulking because I didn't see the funny side. Perhaps I didn't make my disgust clear enough to him in earlier episodes.

BeauZa, I'm amazed you were able to stay friends with that guy, but it does make me feel better to read that you have. I'm currently going through a phase where I am tired of being walked over, so I am probably more trigger-happy than usual when it comes to burning bridges with friends. Your post helped me realise that you can still be friends with people even when they're asses, and not lose your self respect.

My bf's advice was to not contact him for a few weeks to let him get over himself and then try to see if the friendship's still intact.

I'm glad I could help. =]
Hah, I'll say! I stayed with Jason for a long time, because when he was in a good mood he was so good to be around.
I put up with his mood swings up until the point when he left my school to go to some Catholic school; all of a sudden he started bagging all his friends out - who were good to him, mind you - and calling them crude names. I'd had enough.
I wish it was easy enough to just keep on being his friend but I just couldn't be a friend to such a rude person... you know what I mean?

Sorry to dig this up again, some other things have happened related to this thread.

The same friend sent me a text a couple of months later asking to meet up and'put this little episode behind us'. I ignored it because I already had plans with my bf that evening and I disliked the way he phrased things. 'This little episode' could have been avoided if he hadn't posted that s**t on my profile, or had the decency to apologise afterwards and not ignore my calls.

I met him last night at the end of a college event. He came up to me all formal and asked to bury the hatchett. I explained that I was still hurt that he hadn't apologised and he said that he was hurt that I'd 'demanded' an apology and that I had left a comment on the ther guy's profile (the one who warned me) thanking him. According to my friend, he was a trouble-maker. Also, he said that he had posted smilar things in the past and I hadn;t minded, My answer was, yes I had! And I had told him that or changed the subject each time.

He then announced that he hoped I at least acknowledged that he was being mature enough to try to bury the hatchett and walked off.

Sorry, but the way he acted just really pissed me off. Where was this 'mature' act when he was sulking last year and refusing to answer my PMs, calls or IMs? I refuse to stay friends purely on his terms and without him apologising for the way he acted. Yes, it may have been a 'joke', but it was still filth and the whole year could see it. I don't need friends like that.

Anyway, I'm just venting. My bf suggests I should send him an email in a week or something and be all nicey-nice. I don't know if I want to though. He already ignored the last emails I sent so why bother?

That's absolutely right! It should all come down to what you think would be the best thing, and not to let your best interests be hampered by what someone else wants, even if he meant something to you for a time.