what are good social groups for aspies?

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I need to do something socially as I have no friends and see no people. Ive tried lots of different groups and activities but they tend to go poorly and I leave more hurt and low esteem each time.

I was thinking that perhaps the things I tried were things not suited to aspies, for example I did a counseling course and so (obviously) it was full of high EQ, NTs, who were full of empathy and expressions and especially did not like my manner and way of communicating. Likewise I think this is why things did not go well in mother and toddler groups I went to when my children were small (mums being extra empathising/feeling people).

Another thing is what the group wants you to do, at the 'friends of the earth' groups I went to they wanted me to take part in handing out leaflets and holding stalls in town and I found that extremely stressful but they did not understand why and gave me a hard time so it ended badly.

So Im thinking perhaps groups where there is not a high expectation of joining in/performing and not lots of high EQ people.

I tried aspie groups but they went badly aswell as people made critical comments about my relationship and online posts and left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I think that would be solved by finding an aspie group where they did not know who I was online, as its a big difficulty as lots of things I say online are not things Im comfortable talking about with people in a social occasion.

anyway anyone have any thoughts on good groups to try for aspies?

You are in the UK so I don't know how to help. For us here in the states, there is meetup.com that connects people to different special interest groups. My group that I help run is a meetup group.

Somewhere with a nerdy/artsy crowd works for me

I'm in a similar position, the problem being that I've tried the things people often suggest, evening classes etc. and I never seem to make any friends. Having said that, I'm trying a language class *again*, but that is because I want to actually learn the language.

Another thing I'm going to investigate - when I get the courage - is a "Bushcraft" course. You know the "Ray Mears" kind of thing? I did this many years ago and the other people were not Aspies, but definately not stereotypical NT's, either.

I could have warned you about counselling courses - my ex-wife did this for many years and there seem to many particularly irritating "do gooder" types drawn to it, overflowing with ego about their almost supernatural innate empathy. Aspies need not apply....

Also I'd assume meditation/spiritual groups to have more 'enlightened' people - that is the aim, after all! They would have to be genuine though, as these days there are many "Law of Attraction" type groups full of Uber-NT's wanting a short cut to the ferrari, designer sunglasses and high social status they just know they deserve. I'm in an Zen/Advaita kind of group and the people are *definately* not typical NT's. TBH, they seem to be people who have suffered more than the normal amount of tragedy in life and are looking for something other than the superficial. However, although I get on with these people quite well, I still seem unable to make friends with them...

I recently attended a board games group. Again, definitely NOT a typical NT kind of activity! I enjoy that kind of thing, however they meet on a night that is impossible for me to attend more than about 3 times a year. People there seemed much more friendly to me than most people I meet for the first time. They could probably tell at first sight that "It's Ok, he's one of us".

Which brings me to another point. You may not want to hear this, but my experience seems to suggest that it isn't the "meeting" that's the problem, it's the "making friends" that's the problem. I don't know why, whether it's the onset of senility or something, but I seem to have no idea how to actually make friends, regardless of how many people I meet. It's has been over 15 years since I made a friend "in real life"! I've made friends here on WP and have met up in real life later. But you've tried that too and you're saying it isn't working very well. With me it seems that I get on best with people when I hardly ever see them. The more I see them, the more likely that I will say the wrong thing.

Maybe "Aspies and Social Groups" is a paradox? It seems unsolvable.

How would they know your online identity?

I wish that we lived in the same place, Lotusblossom!

I really got on with you when I met you at Autscape, You are, ( like another WP woman I met last year ) so alive, so vivid, and interesting, but online it just doesn't seem to work/click/gel,. It's funny because I seem to be able to make better friends with some people online, ( at someone! ) , and yet with others, like you and the other WP woman last year, I seem to need that clear, telegraphic, dramatic/passionate/eager in-person style to connect with.

Anyway, to the subject; I have a feeling that the weirder and more fringe the group the more likely you are to meet like-minds! :lol That's been my experience anyway, although since living in France, almost 12 years now, I have only managed to make one semi-friend, and that's probably got a lot to do with her being another english ex-pat like me, ( I absolutely *need* my fluent rich nuanced etc english for making friends!! ! ), and that she is also a bit weird too!

PS. For some reason I'm thinking of wicca, or paganism.
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I haven't really been in any social groups but I was in a support group years ago for bipolar & depression & that was nice till we shut down cuz of lack of members. I'm not sure if lots of Aspies could do well in a support group like that but groups for anxiety, OCD, & learning problems like dyslexia or ADHD mite could work. I would also say a group for autistics of coarse & maybe something more severe. I don't know much about social groups cuz most of the social groups here are the bar/club scene or the older people who go to casinos or the relegious crowd. There's also the football fanatics, the fishing & hunting clubs(their having problems now cuz of the oil here) but I don't think any of those would be a good choice for an Aspie unless he/she is very religious, has a special interest in sports knowledge or a special skill in shooting. I find I can relate better to people who have major emotional problems but I suffered a sever psychotic depression & other stuff years ago & researching mental disorders was a special interest for a while. I find people like that tend to be misunderstood & judged & treated unfairly so they can be more sympathetic to outsiders who cant fit in but they can be very closed off at 1st & have lots of issues

When I was 16 at FE college I fell in with the punks/goths cause I shared similair music taste but now im older and back in my home town after being away for 5 years I'm in the same boat as you lotus

Problem is i've lost the drive to go out and meet people. I used to be quite enthusiastic and confident about going up to people i never met and introducing myself out and about in London. Now I've turned into a hermit, though it doesn't really bother me I know that ultimatly it isn't healthy to isolate myself, part of the reason i ended up back down here was because I completly cut myself off from social contact and ended up in a poor work/life balance.

I've a few old friends still down here but I feel rude just bursting into their social life's after 5 years of only meeting up with them around xmas time each year. I'm out of sync with everyone down here at the moment anyway. Although It has been quite beneficial to return to my family living with my father has actually been quite beneficial to both of us as he has a habit of turning into a hermit and just spending all his time in his allotment. Can see where the AS came from in my genetics from him.