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NeXus_Blueliner
Deinonychus
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08 Dec 2011, 12:36 pm

How do you deal with people that like to touch you when they talk? :/ Even when they get told you do not like to be touched.. they carry on doing it. Plenty of times now it's happened where I've ended up hitting them, not through wanting to but through being extremely upset/anxious and feeling physically hurt. These types of people also don't seem to understand not everyone likes to have eye to eye contact and they try their hardest to make it happen. Even when telling people you don't like these things they carry on doing it. Is it always going to be their own fault if I end up lashing out because they chose not to listen? Knowing full well I can never bring myself to have someone look at my eyes or touch me. There feels like there's not a lot else I can do on my part apart from tell people I don't like it and that I will likely end up hurting them if they do it.

What do others do in this situation?



nick007
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08 Dec 2011, 12:49 pm

I've known people like that & we don't stay friends for long at all because I push em off. My mom told me that's very mean but I think it's cruel to touch someone when you know that person does not want to be touched.


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NeXus_Blueliner
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08 Dec 2011, 12:53 pm

Yeah I've experienced people who then purposely try to touch me and laugh about it :/ I guess it will always be their own fault when someone hits them for it then.



PTSmorrow
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08 Dec 2011, 1:24 pm

Being touched is still the the main reason for my meltdowns. Though i don't hit them because this would mean even more physical contact, i become verbally abusive to the extreme.

From a friend i would expect that they respect my boundaries. If they don't, we can't be friends.

It's not at all mean or cruel to defend your bounds.



mar00
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08 Dec 2011, 1:26 pm

Well you could try to push their buttons and try to embarrass them but that requires some involvement. Idk if saying "I'm not gay so you can now stop doing that" is offensive but it works sometimes; or "that's creepy who does that", "don't you get enough sex or what", "I'm sorry but why have you touched me just right now?", or just step back when they try to touch making them look stupid "no, you are not doing this to me". It's good to tell them to stop and then everytime they touch you point a finger to their hands and remind them - "see you're doing that again".
But if they are good clueless people or old lady relatives then sometimes it works just to cross my arms and mantain a distance. Sometimes when someone attempts to grab my forearm which old ladies do I sometimes grab it back and give persuasively disapproving look "now look what you are doing there, please don't". And with friends, I just take their arms off me with rolling eyes. Or when you meet them and they try to kiss you if you put your arm forward they don't get to do that. There is this subtle physical play when you can try to take initiative and set a trend for yourself.
Well this is prolly not very helpful but works for me. I just try to be playful about it so that not to offend people. And then I do if they don't get it. I try to sound as if it is not my problem but that I think that it is socially unacceptable as such.



izzeme
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09 Dec 2011, 8:10 am

being touched is indeed something that remains difficult to deal with, made worse by the fact that most NTs see touch as a sign as friendlyness/closeness.

the best way to work around this is to flat-out say that you prefer to not be touched; combining that with the assumption that you are goning to be touched when someone you haven't asked not to is within about a feet distance will help prevent most of the meltdowns due to touch



Tequila
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09 Dec 2011, 8:32 am

Be careful with these types of people if you don't know them well because they often want something out of you.



snpeden
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09 Dec 2011, 9:02 am

Tequila wrote:
Be careful with these types of people if you don't know them well because they often want something out of you.

So true! Reaching out and touching for NTs creates a sense of trust or similar between the two parties, often unnoticed by the person being manipulated. I've read that's something people do to make a better impression for job interviews.