Challenges of following NT social code: what works for me
I took an interest in American law. The philosophies and thought processes gave me a breakthrough tool to understand NT social code.
Two important things I learned:
#1 apply the rules to the facts
#2 apply relevant court precedent in deciding how to apply the written legal codes. what exactly is the relevant precent is determined by the exact facts of your social situation. (known as case law)
How I really got a feel for this is by reading Nolo Press's Criminal Law Handbook. They show you how a particular criminal law applies differently depending on the exact facts. If you read carefully, it maps perfectly to our NT social code challenge.
The NT social world presents the following challenges:
- loaded with hundreds of unwritten rules
- each unwritten rule has unwritten exceptions attached
for example: don't let somebody treat you badly
generally, if somebody yells at you, you stand your ground and let them know their behavior is unacceptable.
sounds simple, right? Not really. Here's an unwritten exception: you are driving your car and somebody yells at you to "slam your breaks" to avoid disaster. I call this the "emergency exception"
- how and when each rule applies varies from situation to situation, context to context
- some rules are worse to violate than others.
In the social world, the rules are unwritten. The "court precedent" is also unwritten and generated by NTs.
So how do we apply the legal reasoning metaphor to the car stopping scenario.
#1 select the rule to be applied "don't let somebody treat you badly"
#1a on its face, it totally applies. they're yelling at me, therefore I better assert myself! Not so fast, ASpie.
#2 look for any relevant case law from the NT social world. in this case there is one: "the emergency exception".
"the emergency exception" dictates that when somebody yells at you to avoid danger, it does not constitute "treating you badly". They are simply trying to save both of you from a car crash.
#3 given the facts of the case, slam the breaks and don't take a stand with the person. be thankful he/she saved your life.
So you may ask: where is the NT social code book? This Autism Social Rule Book seems to fit the bill:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt131296.html
Where's the NT social case law books? Damnit, that's the problem. Folks how about we create a "Autism Social Case Law Book" filled with various situational examples of how each rule applies. We can show how each rule applies different depending on the exact facts involved.
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