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YourMajesty
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25 Apr 2012, 2:29 am

I seem unable to get friends or even like people. I really want more people I can get along with well, but they seem unfindable. Yes, there's one girl in college or maybe two I can get along with (am a girl myself) but for the rest of it....FAIL.

I just don't like most people. They seem so self-absorbed, so strongly craving to be up to date with everything and everyone, that they aren't very pleasant to spend time with, because I don't share all of that.

There's so much going on beneath the surface that I cannot know or understand....there's quite some gossip and backstabbing without me knowing, and the people who, according to themselves, gossip about each other, seem to get along fine in class.

People are polite to me but I have no idea what they think of me.

I'm somewhat alternative. I don't look very fashionable, listen to different music, and so forth. I don't like music they play in clubs and bars nor do I go there. That on itself seems to be bad enough to be unlinked.

It always seems like people automatically find each other and I can't get in the 'social zone'. As if people unconsciously shut me out. The forming of friendships happens right in front of my eyes but what that thing is that makes them friends suddenly is beyond me.

I just want some nice friends, please without the backstabbing and saying things behind people's back ( of corse there's nothing wrong with discussing actual problems) or laughing at people who made some choice they don't understand. I'd like someone who can talk about a broad set of subjects like me and my boyfriend, but they don't seem to exist!

NowIwonder how youvet around all of that in the first place. I'm not extremely autistic I think but even this is too difficult.



YourMajesty
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25 Apr 2012, 5:29 am

I don't have the brain of a snail, yet I think I'll never understand how all the little games work, probably also because I'm not a part of it. After hitting puberty, making friends got extremely difficult and I only got in a group with people who, just like me, didn't really belong in any group. After 13 years of age people become so pretentious! It'd be great to finally understand it all a bit.

And then there's the issue of how to behave. Like myself, with all my quirks, or like someone else? I'll never act like I'm someone totally different as that gave a lot of emotional pain/feelings of hopelesness in the past.

Being myself sounds good at first: I DO have a right to exist! If others may, I may too! But in reality, won't it just bring me more hurt? People who don't want to work with me in university anymore, and a growingly (bad) reputation that might end up in me not getting the job I want.

It sucks.



Nereid
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27 Apr 2012, 1:50 am

YourMajesty wrote:

It always seems like people automatically find each other and I can't get in the 'social zone'. As if people unconsciously shut me out. The forming of friendships happens right in front of my eyes but what that thing is that makes them friends suddenly is beyond me.



NowIwonder how youvet around all of that in the first place. I'm not extremely autistic I think but even this is too difficult.


I related to these two points strongly. I feel like I'm observing another species sometimes, watching others forming bonds and communicating in ways that I am missing on a chemical and intellectual level. People just click right away, it doesn't appear awkward, forced, or uncomfortable. They just get along right away and the friendship just... blossoms. Lucky they, this doesn't happen once, but many times. They form deep connections without much thought to what they're doing. It seems frequently subconsciously controlled. I've observed this phenomenon with most other people outside of myself. It seems unfair. But I guess we just have to deal with the cards we're given :(



NicoleG
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04 May 2012, 11:37 pm

Nereid wrote:
They form deep connections without much thought to what they're doing.


Most of them I don't see as deep connections. Close, but not very deep.

YourMajesty, you seem to understand a lot more than you think. Unfortunately, finding people who aren't fake and surface layers only takes some time. Keep your eyes peeled for them, and you'll start to notice them more often - they tend to be sitting alone like you.



Maerlyn138
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04 May 2012, 11:49 pm

Nereid wrote:
YourMajesty wrote:

It always seems like people automatically find each other and I can't get in the 'social zone'. As if people unconsciously shut me out. The forming of friendships happens right in front of my eyes but what that thing is that makes them friends suddenly is beyond me.



NowIwonder how youvet around all of that in the first place. I'm not extremely autistic I think but even this is too difficult.


I related to these two points strongly. I feel like I'm observing another species sometimes, watching others forming bonds and communicating in ways that I am missing on a chemical and intellectual level. People just click right away, it doesn't appear awkward, forced, or uncomfortable. They just get along right away and the friendship just... blossoms. Lucky they, this doesn't happen once, but many times. They form deep connections without much thought to what they're doing. It seems frequently subconsciously controlled. I've observed this phenomenon with most other people outside of myself. It seems unfair. But I guess we just have to deal with the cards we're given :(


Couldn't agree more with all the above statements. I have been at a loss to find people 'worth' hanging out with for years. And you're right, it seems to come so easily for some people while for myself and many others on this site it is so hard. We have different evaluations of people. We look for different signs and cues that other people do. But it just makes it more of a challenge to find those special people; and they are out there, you just have to sift through a lot of crap first to find them. You could look for MeetUp groups in your area that talk about topics you like, or maybe there is an Aspie meetup near you. I found one here in San Antonio and am going for the first time on Sunday. I have been very excited at the prospect of meeting others (in the flesh) with AS.


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ThinkTrees
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04 May 2012, 11:59 pm

Do let us all know how that goes Maerlyn138...


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Maerlyn138
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05 May 2012, 12:07 am

ThinkTrees wrote:
Do let us all know how that goes Maerlyn138...


Absolutely.
I noticed that even though the MeetUp is supposed to be specifically for 'Adults with Aspergers' there are a lot of parents with Aspie children coming!? Which is fine and I'm not gonna be a 'group Nazi' about it, but I really want to find the adults in my area with AS so I can talk and listen and do the whole Adult AS sharing deal.


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namaste
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05 May 2012, 12:07 pm

ya its hard to find good people
but bad people are in thousands
remember diamonds are rare so they are valuable
just like orchids which grow in special condition and temperature
rare and beautiful...........they are valued.
we are special we cant be the crowd


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