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namaste
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09 Apr 2012, 5:41 am

Well in my office there is groupism. And if you notice the groups its between the stronger, confident people V/s the naive, shy, quite people.
But the peculiar thing about this 2 different groups is that the stronger group always mocks fun of the quieter group i belong to the quieter lot and i am targeted often.
Today my colleague again commented that i have started opening up and earlier i was very quite and tongue tied........this is the 3rd time she has made this comment within 1 weeks span.
One person told me that she was making comments about me when i was not around also.

The stronger group always indulges in bullying, making comments and gossiping whereas the quieter groups talks about general topics
Many of the people who are quite are trying hard to fit into the stronger group by buttering them up and being very sweet with them which i have never tried doing.
So is the defect with me..........why i should be labelled with schizoid or Aspie
Why are they not labelled retarded? :scratch:


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BMctav
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09 Apr 2012, 6:37 am

namaste wrote:
So is the defect with me..........why i should be labelled with schizoid or Aspie
Why are they not labelled retarded? :scratch:


The "defect" isn't with you, it's with the bullies you work with. Some people are just cruel and mean. If you don't like where you work, maybe you could try and find a different job.



namaste
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09 Apr 2012, 6:47 am

BMctav wrote:
The "defect" isn't with you, it's with the bullies you work with. Some people are just cruel and mean. If you don't like where you work, maybe you could try and find a different job.


i cant keep changing jobs....
wherever i went i have received these same comments and probably will receive it everywhere else. :x


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Ellingtonia
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09 Apr 2012, 8:42 am

namaste wrote:
Today my colleague again commented that i have started opening up and earlier i was very quite and tongue tied


This sounds more like a clumsy compliment than bullying to me, like she's trying to say that you're getting better. It's insensitive for sure, but doesn't seem malicious.



namaste
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09 Apr 2012, 8:51 am

Ellingtonia wrote:

This sounds more like a clumsy compliment than bullying to me, like she's trying to say that you're getting better. It's insensitive for sure, but doesn't seem malicious.

agreed when she was saying it on my face it seemed ok...i could agree more with her

but when i was not around she started saying this behind my back and that was not appropriate
i am trying to say is that a person doesnt need to keep repeating a comment over and over in a day
he/she can say it once or twice...but repeatedly saying it is like putting up a huge hoarding for entire world to focus on


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Keeno
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11 Apr 2012, 6:40 am

I've never really experienced this at work because I haven't really worked in large staff teams. It seems they haven't been big enough to break up this way. But it makes perfect sense to me that a workplace or other organisation would more often than not break up into a group of bold people, and a group of shy people.



namaste
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11 Apr 2012, 7:46 am

Keeno wrote:
I've never really experienced this at work because I haven't really worked in large staff teams. It seems they haven't been big enough to break up this way. But it makes perfect sense to me that a workplace or other organisation would more often than not break up into a group of bold people, and a group of shy people.


in a smaller organisation usually the boss harasses the shy and quite employee
but in larger organisation the bolder, confident colleagues and seniors harass the quieter employee


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Keeno
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11 Apr 2012, 8:50 am

I hadn't thought of the boss aspect. This is why I'm lucky nowadays in my current job, probably because it's in the charity sector, where my bosses haven't been conceited egotists.



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11 Apr 2012, 10:29 am

When I did voluntary work at a charity shop, there was loads of bitchiness there but there wasn't a group of confident people and a group of shy people. What made it so cliquey was the manager had favourites, and she was a mate to her favourites and just a miserable boss to her non-favourites, and her favourites couldn't see the bitchy side of her, and her non-favourites couldn't see the nice side of her. And to be her favourite, it doesn't matter if you're shy or confident, it's how weird you aren't. She was quite wird herself (I found), but because she had normal social skills and this cocky attitude, most people couldn't see the weird side of her, probably also because she was in authority too. Obviously I wasn't one of her favourites because I was ''too weird'' for her, and I could tell she feared weirdness in people (even though she was quite weird herself). The others didn't mind my weirdness, but this woman disliked me for it, and always made me work out of her way so she wouldn't have to deal with me.

I couldn't be arsed with that sort of behaviour, so I walked out. If I was being part time paid job, I probably would of been able to put up with it better, but I found I did not want to be treated like that as a volunteer. So me leaving is her loss.


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11 Apr 2012, 10:33 am

If I was confronted with any supposed social hierarchy, I'd probably leave the job...I mean I have no problem doing the job and such the employer asks for, but If I am expected to take that kind of treatment from other employees or the employer then they can find a new employee. I dealt with enough of that crap when I was child, I don't need to subject myself to such an environment now.



namaste
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11 Apr 2012, 11:53 am

Joe90 wrote:
When I did voluntary work at a charity shop, there was loads of bitchiness there but there wasn't a group of confident people and a group of shy people. What made it so cliquey was the manager had favourites, and she was a mate to her favourites and just a miserable boss to her non-favourites, and her favourites couldn't see the bitchy side of her, and her non-favourites couldn't see the nice side of her. And to be her favourite, it doesn't matter if you're shy or confident, it's how weird you aren't. She was quite wird herself (I found), but because she had normal social skills and this cocky attitude, most people couldn't see the weird side of her, probably also because she was in authority too. Obviously I wasn't one of her favourites because I was ''too weird'' for her, and I could tell she feared weirdness in people (even though she was quite weird herself). The others didn't mind my weirdness, but this woman disliked me for it, and always made me work out of her way so she wouldn't have to deal with me.

I couldn't be arsed with that sort of behaviour, so I walked out. If I was being part time paid job, I probably would of been able to put up with it better, but I found I did not want to be treated like that as a volunteer. So me leaving is her loss.

i wasnt aware such things happen in voluntary employment also.
my god this worlds getting pathetic


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namaste
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11 Apr 2012, 11:54 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
If I was confronted with any supposed social hierarchy, I'd probably leave the job...I mean I have no problem doing the job and such the employer asks for, but If I am expected to take that kind of treatment from other employees or the employer then they can find a new employee. I dealt with enough of that crap when I was child, I don't need to subject myself to such an environment now.


once you endure anything in childhood i think it sticks to you throughout your lifetime
and thats what happening in my case.
the negativity just wont leave me alone


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Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2012, 11:57 am

namaste wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
If I was confronted with any supposed social hierarchy, I'd probably leave the job...I mean I have no problem doing the job and such the employer asks for, but If I am expected to take that kind of treatment from other employees or the employer then they can find a new employee. I dealt with enough of that crap when I was child, I don't need to subject myself to such an environment now.


once you endure anything in childhood i think it sticks to you throughout your lifetime
and thats what happening in my case.
the negativity just wont leave me alone


Especially if you have a pre-disposition for PTSD...and end up getting PTSD which then amplifies all the other negative memories you have other than just the one that caused the initial trauma. But yeah I don't put up to well with people trying to put me in my place due to some hierarchy type set up...I don't enjoy being talked down to or being treated like a lesser person it pisses me off. As a child I usually just got really upset when people did things like that but I feel like now if someone tried that I'd have a hard time controlling the anger I would feel.



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11 Apr 2012, 12:01 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I couldn't be arsed with that sort of behaviour, so I walked out. If I was being part time paid job, I probably would of been able to put up with it better, but I found I did not want to be treated like that as a volunteer. So me leaving is her loss.


I have volunteered at several places and always worked with nice people. I've heard some bad stories about volunteering at charity shops, so I won't go near them. I hope that you give some other voluntary jobs a go; you can get a lot from them.



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11 Apr 2012, 2:09 pm

BMctav wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I couldn't be arsed with that sort of behaviour, so I walked out. If I was being part time paid job, I probably would of been able to put up with it better, but I found I did not want to be treated like that as a volunteer. So me leaving is her loss.


I have volunteered at several places and always worked with nice people. I've heard some bad stories about volunteering at charity shops, so I won't go near them. I hope that you give some other voluntary jobs a go; you can get a lot from them.


I have started at another charity shop, and they are much better to volunteer for. I know in every place you will always get one strange or bitchy person, but in general this new charity shop I volunteer at is much better, and they treat you like a volunteer, which is how it should be.


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namaste
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11 Apr 2012, 10:37 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Especially if you have a pre-disposition for PTSD...and end up getting PTSD which then amplifies all the other negative memories you have other than just the one that caused the initial trauma. But yeah I don't put up to well with people trying to put me in my place due to some hierarchy type set up...I don't enjoy being talked down to or being treated like a lesser person it pisses me off. As a child I usually just got really upset when people did things like that but I feel like now if someone tried that I'd have a hard time controlling the anger I would feel.

i agree i could be having PTSD and the symptoms are difficult to understand and others might be feeling awkward in my company
i generally accept the social hierarchy and now i have come to terms with it.
about you not accepting it dont you feel that you might be aggressive
and aggression is generally socially unacceptable.


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