[ Minor Rant ] I'm ignoring you! Deal with it!

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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 8:44 am

I don't get it.

Why would an overly-sensitive and contentious person who sees conflict in even the most benign of statements suddenly declare that they are ignoring you? Do they believe that this will somehow hurt you? Do they think that depriving you of their abuse will somehow inspire you to beg them for more? Are they really so pride-filled that they believe that their presence somehow makes everyone else's life brighter and better?

It happens at work, at church, at the club, and even on-line. Yet when it happens, those people still talk to others about you (i.e., "Fnord is simply not worth my time"), and communicate with you through those others (i.e., "Tell Fnord that I'm still ignoring him.").

Sometimes, a person will shout "I'm leaving" or "I never want to see you again", stomp out of the room, and then take every opportunity to impose their presence on whomever they were allegedly departing from.

What's up with all that?

:scratch: I just don't get it.


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Last edited by Fnord on 26 Apr 2019, 8:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

domineekee
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26 Apr 2019, 8:56 am

Do you think that the people you mention feel that you are goading or heckling them?



TUF
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26 Apr 2019, 8:57 am

It's a way to pretend that you're less important to them than they are to you.

But if it was true, they would literally just ignore you instead of going around telling people that was what they were doing.



Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 9:00 am

domineekee wrote:
Do you think that the people you mention feel that you are goading or heckling them?
No. Many times it's after they've embarrassed themselves, or when I simple won't go along with their plans or fantasies.


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Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature,
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individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 9:02 am

TUF wrote:
It's a way to pretend that you're less important to them than they are to you. But if it was true, they would literally just ignore you instead of going around telling people that was what they were doing.
That makes sense. But if I'm not important to them, then why not ignore me? What is wrong with them? (Rhetorical questions, possibly unanswerable.)


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Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature,
nor any ultimate evaluation of human nature beyond that which we project onto others,
individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
and not by what we only imagine their intentions and motivations to be.


magz
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26 Apr 2019, 9:03 am

For my personal reasons, I'm currently researching the topic of covert narcissism. Honestly, the "failed narcissist" from this article rings some bell: https://medium.com/the-mission/do-you-h ... 3348ea694b
Yes, I believe people who do what you describe have so inflated egos that they can't imagine you don't give a damn weather they talk to you or not. It's also a form of attention seeking. Not healthy.


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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 9:11 am

magz wrote:
For my personal reasons, I'm currently researching the topic of covert narcissism. Honestly, the "failed narcissist" from this article rings some bell: https://medium.com/the-mission/do-you-h ... 3348ea694b
Yes, I believe people who do what you describe have so inflated egos that they can't imagine you don't give a damn weather they talk to you or not. It's also a form of attention seeking. Not healthy.
Ahh ... a pathological reason ...

Maybe that explains why some of them will tell me something like "I can't believe you're not upset by this!", even though they've sworn that they will never speak to me again.

It's a form of manipulation, something like the old "My Way or The Highway" ultimatum -- they're looking for affirmation from you of their ability to affect you emotionally ... or something like that ... ?


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Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature,
nor any ultimate evaluation of human nature beyond that which we project onto others,
individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
and not by what we only imagine their intentions and motivations to be.


magz
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26 Apr 2019, 9:13 am

Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
For my personal reasons, I'm currently researching the topic of covert narcissism. Honestly, the "failed narcissist" from this article rings some bell: https://medium.com/the-mission/do-you-h ... 3348ea694b
Yes, I believe people who do what you describe have so inflated egos that they can't imagine you don't give a damn weather they talk to you or not. It's also a form of attention seeking. Not healthy.
Ahh ... a pathological reason ...

Maybe that explains why some of them will tell me something like "I can't believe you're not upset by this!", even though they've sworn that they will never speak to me again.

It's a form of manipulation, something like the old "My Way or The Highway" ultimatum -- they're looking for affirmation from you of their ability to affect you emotionally ... or something like that ... ?

That's how I interpret this kind of behavior.
It's funny when someone uses the "My Way or The Highway" ultimatum on an independent adult, isn't it?


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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 9:26 am

magz wrote:
... It's funny when someone uses the "My Way or The Highway" ultimatum on an independent adult, isn't it?
I always chose the "Highway" option, thus calling their bluff. The people giving it seemed to believe that they had me in a situation that would force me to choose the "My Way" option, so when I chose the "Highway" option, they had no idea what to do about it. Some would sit there in shock, some would tell me to reconsider, and some would even take it back and re-phrase it.

To use a poker analogy, "My Way or The Highway" is a bluff used by someone who thinks they hold all of the cards, and it shocks the hell out of them when I call the hand.

:twisted:


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individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
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Trogluddite
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26 Apr 2019, 9:37 am

Fnord wrote:
I always chose the "Highway" option, thus calling their bluff.

Yup, I find that the best way, too. I always figured that folks like that are just projecting their own insecurity about being ignored onto me. Fine - if that's the case, it hurts them more than it hurts me if I take them at their word; hoisted by their own petard!


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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 9:39 am

Trogluddite wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I always chose the "Highway" option, thus calling their bluff.
Yup, I find that the best way, too. I always figured that folks like that are just projecting their own insecurity about being ignored onto me. Fine - if that's the case, it hurts them more than it hurts me if I take them at their word; hoisted by their own petard!
Heh ... "Okay, I call ... a pair of deuces? That's all you got? Well, here's my full house ... I'll just take the pot and go home now ..."

The harder they bluff, the less they hold.


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Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature,
nor any ultimate evaluation of human nature beyond that which we project onto others,
individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
and not by what we only imagine their intentions and motivations to be.


cberg
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26 Apr 2019, 9:53 am

Fnord, we have to clarify whenever we're ignoring you because you write these things as if your life makes more sense than everyone else's.

I'm ignoring this now because it's clear you're just whining. Someone should lock this thread for talking behind people's backs.


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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 9:56 am

cberg wrote:
Fnord, we have to clarify whenever we're ignoring you because you write these things as if your life makes more sense than everyone else's.
Well, it DOES! To me, anyway.
cberg wrote:
I'm ignoring this now ...
By replying to it?
cberg wrote:
... because it's clear you're just whining.
Yup! That's what I'm doing! Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!
cberg wrote:
Someone should lock this thread for talking behind people's backs.
It's not behind anyone's back. It's right out here in the open forum, where anybody can read it!


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Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature,
nor any ultimate evaluation of human nature beyond that which we project onto others,
individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
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cberg
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26 Apr 2019, 10:01 am

Yes, you are whining. I'm not going to fight you, I'm going to work before you say otherwise.

I'm here to say I'm ignoring your BS, period.


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BenderRodriguez
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26 Apr 2019, 10:04 am

Fnord wrote:

Maybe that explains why some of them will tell me something like "I can't believe you're not upset by this!", even though they've sworn that they will never speak to me again.

It's a form of manipulation, something like the old "My Way or The Highway" ultimatum -- they're looking for affirmation from you of their ability to affect you emotionally ... or something like that ... ?


It's attention seeking behaviour. Since for them being ignored is the worst possible thing, they can't imagine how come it doesn't affect you.

Since they consider themselves hurt by you and your refusal to validate them, they seek to inflict similar hurt on you. In their warped view they are the victim and you the abuser. Fair warning, such people often drag others into it and they will gossip and try to force others to "take sides".


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cberg
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26 Apr 2019, 10:06 am

All either of you are doing here is gossiping. That is a solid reason for people to explicitly ignore you.


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