Asperger's Syndrome + Social Phobia = Hell

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Asperger's Syndrome makes me unintentionally do social faux pas.
Social phobia makes me afraid or ashamed of a social faux pas. It also makes me aware, and I start to worry about it afterwards, analyzing it over and over in my head.

My social skills have improved, and I am still working on them, but some of these social Aspie traits are mixed in with my personality and I can't ever get rid of them. I've just got to face it that I'm socially awkward and I always will be and I just have to interpreted as odd, whether I like it or not. Still hurts though. I hate having disorders.

I know, I have always been socially akward and have always struggled with it. In earlier year in school like third or fourth grade, when I tried to be apart of a conversation I either wasn't noticed or couldn't tell I wasn't accepted in the conversation. When I tried to make conversation some how I would accidently offend them. Both very embaressing moments. As years passed on and I grew older and hit late elementary to middle school the social awkwardness only got worse. Not only due to my AS traits, but the students there were just too awful and ill behaved that I didn't really want to socialize with such a crowd! So I would find myself a shadowy spot on the wall and sit there with either a book or notepad and keep to myself. Sadly, the students weren't the only people that I learned to avoid. One of the worsed terrors of school were the teachers. I remember being bullied by a few and unneccisarily scolded but a couple and me being sensitive with negetive behavior it took a toll on me mentally. In seventh grade the students, teachers and the piling school projects and work was so overwhelming and stressful that I ended up being pulled out of public school and now am being taught at home. I'm now sixteen and am confortably living along with my condition. (Asperger's syndrome)
As for being an AS teen, I'm not bugged by it at all. I actually prefer to be this way rather then be a "normal" because I've learned by my way I look at things along with how AS works period, that AS people are very very intelligent. We see what "normals" don't see and "normals" see what we don't see, and I think thats what makes the uncomfortable friction between us. I just hate being part of the crowd, I would hate to see myself turn into one of those teenaged reputation-stressing bratty monsters. I'm glad I'm different.

I think those two things are related.

In my case, I have the impression that my social awkwardness is getting worse, but I think this because I'm becoming more aware of my mistakes.

This is an analogy:
Learning social skills is similar to learning how to play the violin.
In order to play the violin, you need develop a good sense of hearing, so you can check if you're in tune. Your intonation can never be better than your hearing, because you can only improve once you have noticed your errors.
I think my abilities on the violin have improved a lot in the past 10 years, but I still can't stand listening to recordings of mine because they sound out-of-tune.

To cheer myself up, I often compare:
Had I been able to play a Mozart violin concerto 10 years ago? Obviously not, so I should be proud of my success.
Had I been able to take part in a dinner with friends 10 years ago and enjoy it? Obviously not, so I should be proud of my success in this area, too.

Every time I'm around people, I probably make dozens of mistakes – some that I notice afterwards and some that I don't. But nevertheless, there are people who, to some extent, seem to like me – and that's already a success!

I do agree with everything you say, cause the anxiety in my brain blows up massively. Its like you can practically see yourself making a mess of yourself as it happens.

When I got diagonsed; I was told I developed a social anxiety becasue of my Asperger's. It had a lot to do to with a whole lot of bad times during my school days.

My anxitety got a lot better when I started teaching. What's nice about being a teacher is that students will listen and repect you becasue of the soical rules between teacher and student. So with that in mind the anxiety was easier to manage to the point I didn't need my meds anymore.

I used to have social phobia and regular panic attacks. Trust me you can do something about it if you put the work in.

You explain a typical cycle of social anxiety. What you want to do is break at least one link in the cycle persistently.

If you think of an anxiety disorder consisting of fundmantal beliefs and negative behaviours.

Fundamental beliefs can be broken down further:

Extreme these are often using adverbs like 'always' or 'never', 'usually', basically not allowing for other possibilities, or very little. It is unobjective an illogical to think like this.
Catastrophic assuming the worst is about to happen. It is no good living your life like this.

Negative behaviors, are the behaviors that are escalating the feeling of anxiety. It it counter initiative but often trying to think yourself out of these doesn't help, what you want to do it try to disrupt them positively

Another aspect of anxiety disorders is pre-empting failure. Because of not knowing what is going to happen, it is simpler just to allow yourself to fail, because at least you know the result. However it is not going to make you feel better. You have to condition yourself to deal with unknowns, and be comfortable just not knowing (this is useful advice for friendships too)

I have a disagreement on methods. Some approaches try to use formal self-argument to try debunk your negative thoughts. The problem with that is analytical types can be very good at argument, and therefore get tied up in it, reinforcing the negative behaviors. My approach when things are really getting bad is disruptive thinking. Like inserting gibberish into the thoughts, so it makes absolutely no sense, other approaches try to take you away from inner dialogue such as focusing on body sensations (accepted as nether good or bad), such as the focusing sensation on the tip of your nose, as well as breathing exercises.

To be able to to this you have to recognize the negative impact these thought have. I think sometimes it is easy to get obsessed the the correctness of the thoughts, and being self-defeatist. The truth is, confident people are delusional to an extent, but on the other hand those that are not confident people waste a lot of energy worrying about transient matters. The flip side is people are self obsessed, so have won't be spending most of their time thinking negative things about others, when they could be thinking of themselves. Resilient people pick themselves from mishaps, and carry on, they lessen the impact by being positive about it and exuding that.

Another aspect of it being on the spectrum, is you have to figure out how much you will adapt. It is not about emulating other people, what you wan to do is to adopt the lifestyle that is best for you. Be as cunning as you can, but as the same time being realistic (without being negative).

Anxiety is there as a biological mechanism, but it needed be so much problem. I get bouts of of re-offending sometimes lasting days. I have to remind myself just how miserable this used to make me feel, and work to break out of it. The earlier you can intervene the better. You become good at noticing

Regarding other people. This is said time an time again put people don't listen. If you react to a slight people are are going to treat it as a big deal, and some people will take this as a license to do it a lot. It is hard at first but you really have learn not to rise to it. Don't look away or cower, but don't get angry either. You can deal it with humour, but this really is an advanced topic, though a little laugh, or a smile is not a bad strategy, even if they continue it takes a lot of the bite out it, and often the malice goes too.