Friendship Problems

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Making friends is not the only friendship problem, keeping friends is hard too.
When your friends with other people at school, how do you know when you two are close enough to exchange phone numbers, or go over each others' houses

All of the above really, even the last one. I would say for the most part keeping them though. I was weird in that I never actually tried to make friends on my own. The ones I did make came to me first. I don't know if I was afraid to make friends, or didn't know how or what. I was perfectly content to be alone most of the time. I have never felt a connection with my peers, and I was always more comfortable around my parents.

When I did have friends though I was mostly a follower. I just did whatever they did. A handful of these weren't very nice to me either.

Now I think I have a lot of trust issues with people, and I'm afraid to let people get to know me. I'm afraid that if they know about what I'm like, they won't want to hang around me. So, I know that's part of the reason why I don't try to make friends. I never really felt a need to have them either.

Of course I have no problem having online friends.

I don't believe in friends, nor do I believe in love. People are purely self-interested. Any actions that appear to be altruistic, such as befriending others, are actually done for selfish reasons (such as the desire to feel good about themselves or the desire to feel validated).

I have alot of friends at school and soccer. Im actually quite popular. But do you think anyone ever calls me or gives a damn about me? No. Of course not.

I havent recieved a phone call in over a year. My little sister who is in elementary school gets more phone calls than me, and im in highschool! A teenage girl in highschool! I should be glued to the phone.

No one ever calls me to get together, it's really painful when i come back to school on Monday and all my friends are saying how much fun they had at the mall, and i wasnt apart of it. If we do ever get together it's always me who made the plans. After a whole life of calling people who half the time made excuses to not be with me. I stopped calling people. If they give a damn about spending time with me they can get off their sorry ass and pick up the phone and call me for a change. Of course they wont do that.

But at school I cant get people away from me. Same at soccer. They just talk talk talk to me. And it just sucks. Im a loser cause I havent even been to a party since last year. And i've only been invited to about 5 birthday parties my whole life. And when I threw a birthday party in 8th grade, absolutly no one showed up. I cried the whole night. They couldnt make me important enough for them to even just stop by and say hello.

I want to be with someone on new years, I want to party with some friends. So im gona call, and everyone will be "busy". And then I'll pretend my jones soda is an acoholic beverage and pretend to get wasted. And then spend the rest of the night on the toilet peeing cause i had like 6 bottles of soda and a few "coctails" consisted of sprite and food coloring. I do this every new years and then come back to find all my friends had a party and actually got wasted and had a great time .

Im just extremly lonely, and definatly would say "taking friendship to the next level" is my biggest problem. But what can I do if I go out of my way to be the greatest most loyal friend ever and they just dont care. if they dont care why should I care. HUH? grumble grumbel....just pisses me off...grumble.

I dont remember really wanting friends until I was in about 3rd grade,then I eventually found two but they became cheerleaders in a few years and that was the end of the friendship.I made a few in Jr High but never lasted.I never knew what I did wrong.High school,I only had a boyfriend in 10th grade,no one else would talk to me.It was easier to make "friends" when I started drinking but mostly just a boyfriend who would be my only friend.As far as I can tell,no one makes any effort to be friends...maybe I just dont see it or push people away?I think now,I dont have much time for friends....I would rather be with my boyfriend and doing my own interests.Friends want to go places and I dont like to leave the house.

it's pretty much a combination of Making friends, Keeping friends, Bringing friendship to next "level" .. they all pretty much affect me all the same

How about 'trusting in people.' Its not them, its not me.. Its both of us, I usually just put up a block when I hear people being dishonest or ignorant

For me it's the combo. I do not know how i have made the friends i have..... I do not go out to find friends. but also its easy to lose friends. other people do not understand me, and are not patient to want to even try to take the time.

I would love to have a friend to hang out at my house, but most of the time, i dont want people over because I feel they are invading my space.

but i need to work on that one.

Flow... *giggles*

Hey ahayes, why do I giggle

Ahayes why did you giggle

Making 'friends' is the easy part. More like making acquaintances. With me it's a problem with boundaries and a lifetime of practice to form the 'outer me' that is like a mask.

Outer me is very happy and bubbly and talkative and when I focus on a person I overfocus and they seem to think I am just in love with them or enraptured with their every word. Most people tend to like me right off. They feel complimented by my attention and focus on them.

It's the rest of the story that is the problem. They get this one impression of me - and think that I think they're very special or something, when frankly I will pass them the next day and simply not recognize them. If they call I won't answer the phone, if they email I may not answer or may not remember who they are. Then we have hurt feelings, confusion, all kinds of things.

The ones that I do establish any kind of relationship with only lasts on the superficial level. If I am very very careful to never say anything about myself, about AS, about my thoughts or share anything about me, then we remain 'friends'. But who needs that kind of friendship? It's all fake and boring and alot of work for nothing.

I just had yet another sort of friendship melt away today. It hurts and I always wonder what I should have or could have done differently. I don't know. I was just being me - and seriously not even the Real Me. Not yet. I'd say with 10 different levels from "Fake Outer Me" down to "Real Me" - this one today was still on Level 3. And that was too much for this person. So be it.

:> earthmom