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KAS
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27 Mar 2014, 8:35 pm

Oh boy, had a double aspie moment tonight.

I forgot to email the doctor today. Hubby, another aspie, is gonna be upset that I did not email. He asks if I heard back from the doctor and I said no.
He then asks if I emailed him and I had to say no.

So now he says I lied to him because I hadn't told him I did not email when he asked the first question, which I answered truthfully.

I KNEW I had blown it when I answered correctly. I knew that the honest no wasn't going to go over well but he asked and I answered truthfully without thinking. Then I was left debating how to handle the having not emailed. And he would ask that, and I told the truth because I do.

The problem is that an honest truthful answer isn't always the full truth and no matter how it went I knew he was going to be upset and so had been trying to avoid the subject until I could get to the computer and handle it.

So now hubby is downstairs sulking because, according to him I lied and am not to be trusted.

I wish sometimes I could see how a simple direct answer to the question isn't going to be correct even if it is true BEFORE I open my mouth.

No way to win, and no way to get him to see my perspective on this. In our marriage, I am the more socially flexible one and he is the more outgoing!


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Willard
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27 Mar 2014, 9:42 pm

Hardly seems worth his getting all bent out of shape about. I don't know that I would have answered any differently and I despise liars.

By overreacting to the truth, some people make you hesitant to ever be honest with them, lest it create an unnecessary and unpleasant scene, so it seems most prudent not to share any information with them at all. :roll:



yournamehere
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27 Mar 2014, 11:06 pm

You did not lie. His question was not thorough enough. It was the best you could do with a one word answer.

Gee... why am I single again???



Rishikesh
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28 Mar 2014, 6:26 am

Sometimes it is better just to say "sorry I was wrong", no matter how right or wrong you are.



Erwin
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31 Mar 2014, 6:36 am

Rishikesh wrote:
Sometimes it is better just to say "sorry I was wrong", no matter how right or wrong you are.

No, it isn't. You NEVER say you're wrong when you know you're right. I'd feel insulted if someone did that to me.



Rishikesh
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31 Mar 2014, 7:05 am

Erwin wrote:
Rishikesh wrote:
Sometimes it is better just to say "sorry I was wrong", no matter how right or wrong you are.

No, it isn't. You NEVER say you're wrong when you know you're right. I'd feel insulted if someone did that to me.


You know you are right? How can you be so sure? There is no absolute.

Ok, let's say you are right. The person you just have had a fight with obviously understood you wrong. You know it but this person doesn't. The person is deeply offended. You care for the person a lot. The fight was very emotional by core. You know it is pointless to appeal to logic when there are emotions. What do you do?



KAS
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31 Mar 2014, 9:23 am

Well, I chose to ignore it. The reason being I am not yet to where I can explain to him why my truthful answers are not going to fulfill his details requirement. I think he expects me to remember what is not stated. I am not a mind reader. I also get blind sided every time an answer I gave fails to meet his standards.


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Erwin
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31 Mar 2014, 11:58 pm

Rishikesh wrote:
Erwin wrote:
Rishikesh wrote:
Sometimes it is better just to say "sorry I was wrong", no matter how right or wrong you are.

No, it isn't. You NEVER say you're wrong when you know you're right. I'd feel insulted if someone did that to me.


You know you are right? How can you be so sure? There is no absolute.

Ok, let's say you are right. The person you just have had a fight with obviously understood you wrong. You know it but this person doesn't. The person is deeply offended. You care for the person a lot. The fight was very emotional by core. You know it is pointless to appeal to logic when there are emotions. What do you do?

I aplogize and say I misunderstood him/her. It's pretty easy actually. Before answering, try remembering if you've ever tried this yourself.



Rishikesh
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04 Apr 2014, 7:29 am

Erwin wrote:
Rishikesh wrote:
Erwin wrote:
Rishikesh wrote:
Sometimes it is better just to say "sorry I was wrong", no matter how right or wrong you are.

No, it isn't. You NEVER say you're wrong when you know you're right. I'd feel insulted if someone did that to me.


You know you are right? How can you be so sure? There is no absolute.

Ok, let's say you are right. The person you just have had a fight with obviously understood you wrong. You know it but this person doesn't. The person is deeply offended. You care for the person a lot. The fight was very emotional by core. You know it is pointless to appeal to logic when there are emotions. What do you do?

I aplogize and say I misunderstood him/her. It's pretty easy actually. Before answering, try remembering if you've ever tried this yourself.


You NEVER say you're wrong when you know you're right by aplogizing and saying you misunderstood him/her. You are the best partner ever. :)

PS: I hope I know what I am talking about. Married for 7 years, happily I'd say.

But I didn't mean that you should totally give up your position, not at all. Just apologise for your part of the fight. Surely there is such a part, everyone choose his/her reaction from a large variety of possible reactions and the fight is usually an artwork of both participants. If your partner is able to apologise back for his/her part, perhaps not immediately, then everything will be ok. But when someone in a relationship is not able to apologise for his/her own mistakes, such a relationship usually doesn't not survive.