How to tell when people are joking/using sarcasm?

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Hey there,

Basically, I find it really hard to tell when people are joking, using sarcasm or anything similar to that. I know I'm not the only one, but I also know that there are some people with ASD who do know how to tell when people are joking.

Its been bothering me more lately and I'm not overly comfortable with talking to new people because of it, infact its been making me kind of anxious, I can hold my own in a conversation but barely and I think this will help me out a bit.

Jokes are kind of like maths for me, I only understand them when they are applied, and although most jokes and sarcasm are, I can never shake the feeling that they are disjointed from the conversation. Its stifling my ability to communicate. (I mean, I'm pretty bad at talking to people anyway, I'm nearly always misunderstood and I stutter a lot but when I speak well its fairly comforting to listen to I would imagine)

If I could have a list of body language signs, vocal signals, and some examples of jokes and sarcasm then that would be pretty neat. :)

I've been bad at this all my life, and at age 52, while I've managed to develop other "social skills" of sorts in order to adapt and survive (of sorts), I'm still awful at picking up right away on sarcasm and some other forms of humor. For me it's a brain failure in terms of quickness -- my mind will eventually realize the joke but not instantly. I'm always several beats behind on picking up even on normal conversation -- sometimes I don't realize why someone has started telling a certain story, and then later I make the connection and see that it wasn't a non-sequitur after all. And that's even when it wasn't sarcasm or a joke! So, I have no help to give as I struggle. Just saying I hear you on this.

From Wikipedia:

"In English, sarcasm is often telegraphed with kinesic/prosodic cues[18] by speaking more slowly and with a lower pitch. Similarly, Dutch uses a lowered pitch; sometimes to such an extent that the expression is reduced to a mere mumble. But other research shows that there are many ways that real speakers signal sarcastic intentions. One study found that in Cantonese, sarcasm is indicated by raising the fundamental frequency of one's voice.[19]"


I have just come to be comfortable with asking. People who know me well do extra things to help me figure it out.

I can tell when the time of voice changes, but I can rarely tell otherwise. So, I just ask.




I recently found out, "bless your heart" is an insult, though I hear not always. I just in general do not trust those words anymore.

I can tell in speech from the tone of voice, but in written form I usually take everything literally and at face value.....

I've had a few people on a forum where I've been posting for 10 years ask me if I'm autistic in PM purely because I'll often leave a dead serious reply to someone without realising what they actually meant...

I used to have this issue and I seemed to learn naturally as I turned into an adult. I still miss it sometimes but everyone does.

One easy way of telling is whenever something goes wrong or you make a mistake or do a boo boo and someone says "oh great" that is sarcasm. No way would this all be great. Or if you get stuck in traffic and you two had to be somewhere at a certain time and the other person says "Can this get any worse?" that is also sarcasm because why would he want the traffic to be any worse? Or if you are being annoying so someone tells you "Can you be more annoying?" that is sarcasm because no one likes annoying people.

I had no idea "bless your heart" was an insult. I also had no idea people saying "I will pray for you" was also an insult and now I wonder that one lady that said that to me on the bus was insulting me. I still have no idea what these mean. It's like how I also didn't know "You're smarter than I thought" was also an insult. I just thought it meant they just realized you're smart and they didn't know you were that smart.

How did I do it, I am not sure. I think my brain just developed more as I got older. My mom thinks me being exposed to it is what did it. I think I was exposed to it when I was little and I never picked up on it and then I started to when I was an adult because my brain developed and they do say we develop slower than others. That is probably why some outgrow the AS criteria too and that is a controversial issue about rather they had it in the first place but how do you explain the symptoms then they had? I still don't get jokes and I don't care to understand them when someone says it was a joke. I'm like "yeah whatever." Sometimes I do ask if I care enough about it. And sometimes I pick up on it because it's so obvious to me. And sometimes I have to ask "Was that a joke?"

League Girl, is "Bless your heart" always an insult, though? I think people could certainly use it sarcastically, I totally see that, but I think many do use it sincerely too -- I've had little old ladies say "Well bless your heart" in response to, for example, my helping them with something, or, for a different example, I just told them a personal problem I was having, and I'm pretty sure they meant it as an expression of sympathy for my problem, or gratitude for something helpful I was doing.

It's not universally meant as a mean thing to say, I think.


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Bless your heart = you poor thing or I'm sorry.

obviously it can be used as an insult but its something that was used to comfort someone back where I grew up.

Yes, comforting, expressing sympathy, or in other cases like a thank-you if you did something nice for someone and they are kind of saying it like a reward "bless your heart for being so nice to me!" kind of thing.

But now I'm looking back on times someone has said that to me, wondering if they were insulting me!

when a little baby girl does something cute people often used to say "bless her little cotton socks" as well or when a little girl is upset because she hurt herself

I, myself, have heard "bless you heart" to be used in its literal sense.

Well you know what Elder Nadox says.... "Shhhad ak kereeesshh chak-k-k!". Hope that helps!! !