Classic Autistic people are more understood than mild AS?

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I've never actually seen a severely Autistic person out in public before (I've probably seen thousands of people on the spectrum but not with noticeable signs that make their condition obvious). But today when I got on the bus there was a young man (looked in his 20s) who I guess was Autistic. I suppose it was his mum he was with, and he couldn't talk or make eye contact, just was interested in a long bit of string he had with him and rocked backwards and forwards quite a lot, and when too many people were getting on or off, he started yelling ''aaaaarrgghh!! !'' as if too many people moving was making him anxious or something.

I noticed that hardly anybody really noticed him, and I didn't see anybody staring funny at him or youngsters laughing amongst each other, not that they should anyway but I am aware that I live in a society that is intolerant of people that appear different, and to those that don't know a lot about Autism, this young man appeared extremely different. But I often attract unwanted attention, like if I'm sitting on a bus people often get drawn to me and give me an intimidating stare, or they turn their heads towards me whenever I stand up to get off the bus, etc. I've even had people giggling with each other at me and staring at me, etc. I could name so many incidents where I had experienced this kind of behaviour from random people in public. But compared to the young man I saw today, I am just like an NT. I don't wear unusual clothes, I hold myself with an ordinary posture, I don't flap my hands or rock backwards and forwards, or any of that stuff. I just sit or stand or walk like anybody else, yet I attract more unwanted attention than a person with a severe case of Autism does.

Does this mean that people are more intolerant of those that are ''in between''? Being severe and showing enough obvious signs that you're severe is socially acceptable, but being independent and acting normal but may have a microscopic difference like an apprehensive facial expression is totally unacceptable and people make you feel worse about yourself. (Well, having a shy or worried look on your face isn't even different really, it just indicates that you might have something commonly known like social anxiety, or nobody knows what's going on in your life, you could be having a bad day or something).

I have noticed people who have more visible disabilities tend to be understood more and accepted and are more likely to have friends and get respect. Of course there are still mean people out there who will not be nice to these people but they get shunned by it by others. But yet if you look normal, no one seems to care and don't understand you.

I don't think people necessarily mean to be intolerant, they just seem to see and not see differences and decide without conscious thought that the person is close enough to normal, no allowances should be made. And then might get angry when the person still doesn't quite seem ---- typical.

So yes, in a lot of ways I think you are right. It is easier for people to understand classic autism. And I think people don't like confusion. So sometimes, they don't like we who make them confused.

What's frustrating about this is this default stance people have that gives them this terrible haste to draw conclusions. It's as if they can't remind themselves of the obvious: "I don't know this person so I don't have a f*****g clue and I have no right to single this person out or make this person uncomfortable." Apparently I'm the man child because I'm uncomfortable in my own skin and socially inept, but here's this "man" right next to me who thinks like an ape. If that's what an adult is then I don't want to be that childish.

Isn't it just flabbergasting how everyone has to be educated and have something drilled into their collective skulls before ignorant intolerance stops? Why is it that we can't just work on our own barbaric default stance with people? If people could just remind themselves of the painstakingly obvious truth I mentioned often enough, none of this would even be a problem. It's as if people reason to themselves: "Well I still have an excuse to be a dick to this person so I'll do just that. And I'll just draw a million conclusions that aren't reasonable or evidenced in any way because I can."

I agree with the theories about people not liking to feel confused, and the closer to so called normal one is, the less willing people are to either make allowances or to realize it's as unkind to laugh at you as it is to laugh at the severely affected person.

In my experience people are much more likely to act unkind, unforgiving and mean when they feel that an expectation of "normalcy" that they had, has to be revised. It seems to cause anger and the anger then gives rise to their need to mock, reject, etc.

It's a case of being obviously severely different makes people comfortable about what's expected of them, but in contrast if you are at first glance "one of them" -- then on closer observation that belief is disappointed, but only slightly -- people don't have a frame of reference for it.

It sucks I know, I experience it too, not only from strangers but also from a newly made friend whenever I get one, once in a while.


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Yes, being obvious with any kind of problem helps others around them to be more accepting and helpful towards them. The same thing goes with wheelchair parking spots, if you don't come out of the car with an obvious problem then people will think you're illegally parking there and don't need it, even though they could have an invisible illness that doesn't need a wheelchair or crutches but they have difficulty walking long distances. Anyone who jumps to a conclusion though is just an ass, that's why the phrase goes "When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me".

I think I stood out as different more when I was younger, but I was able to make friends then. Now I can't seem to find acceptance or friendship, and I have been more and more depressed wondering what I am doing wrong. Reading these posts, I am thinking maybe the problem is I am doing too much right, or at least almost typical. Only I'm not actually typical, and I suppose maybe that's more uncomfortable for people than when I seemed more overtly different.

I wish there was a solution to this. But I think you are right Joe90.

It reminds me of an old adage I used about myself in the past. Too messed up to be "normal" but too "normal" to be messed up. So, yeah I do think people with more visible disabilities get more compassion and understanding then those like ourselves who aren't really noticeably different. And that's okay with me in a way since I don't want people's pity or sympathy but I do want them to understand me for what I am.

The double-edged sword of many "hidden" disabilities is that they are not treated with the same consideration of visible ones because their "hidden" nature lets the subject blend in better with "normal" people.

Lots of disabled people would love to be able to "fit in" better, but those of us who have disabilities and do "fit in" better wish we stood out more so that people could see that we aren't just like everyone else.

I remember when I was aged around 12-14 I went through a phase of acting quite embarrassing when out in public - and I did notice everybody looking at me. I think my actions weren't the same as a person with an obvious condition like severe Autism.

I remember whenever a baby started even making a noise, I would get extremely agitated, which made me angry, and I would stamp my feet, mutter swear words, and sometimes even pull my hair with fury. That drew attention.

It's funny how some obvious different behaviour can be accepted from other types of obvious different behaviour. Maybe it's more so the body language of the people around them. Like with the Autistic boy I saw on the bus, the woman he was with gently touched him on the shoulder whenever he got agitated, and I heard her gently say to him ''it's OK.'' But when I used to have a bit of a fit in my early teens, my mum would look embarrassed and cross.

Thank God I have learnt to control myself now.

I think this is related to the uncanny valley.

I could not agree more.

My experience with having an invisible disability, as others like me can attest to, is maddening at times because, to receive the accommodations we need, we are always in a position of having to "prove" we have a disability. On the flip side, I'm sure those with "visible" disabilities feel frustrated too, and probably long to physically "fit it."

On the whole, though, I think I prefer not looking visibly disabled, because I dislike standing out in a crowd. It's nice not having to draw any untoward attention to myself when I don't have to, or simply don't want to.

As is always the case, there are advantages and disadvantages to both situations.

All said, despite the difficulties I face, I would still rather be me (most days) than anyone else.

I agree with everything said here but anxiety can also play a role.

It makes us think we are mind readers and those minds we're reading all think there's something wrong with us. Someone could simply be looking at you because you're there to be looked at and not because you look weird. Of course, some people might think you look weird or act odd.

The days I have the worst social anxiety I'm just anxious full stop, so it helps me know that these people aren't really disapproving of me.

I do a little bit of hand flapping when I'm in an environment I don't feel comfortable in. I stare up a lot and shy away from looking at people. When I do that I can't tell if people are even looking at me so I'm more relaxed.

I have to make a confession and I might as well put it under this thread. I recently joined a well known volunteer organization (who's name I have to withhold) and there are two people about 20 years old (1 male, 1 female) who I identify as "clearly autistic". I would say over half the group are socially awkward at the very least as well. In short, I fit in perfectly The guy is a classic Aspie all the way: very formal speech, walks 'funny', poor fashion sense, bad posture, almost no eye contact, polite and friendly but rather blunt, and little concept of personal space and social norms. When you talk to him you have no idea if he is listening and feel like you are getting the brushoff. The female admits she has severe anxiety and hardly ever speaks and rocks back and forth and usually sits there with no emotion at all. Essentially, a classic Autistic. Whether she is or not, I have no idea but I would guess she is not far off. I've tried to talk to her and she points and motions although she obviously is verbal.

I have to admit even with my near expert understanding of ASDs, my gut instinct to the first guy is "what the f*** is his problem? Why is he being such a a**hole?" and the second one was "poor girl: I can relate and I admire her courage for being here. Must be really hard to be in this situation". I will admit those are irrational thoughts but keep in mind I KNOW all about ASDs. Imagine what your average Joe or Jane is going to think: probably going to treat and understand the girl while the guy is avoided like the "a-hole" that he is imagined to me.

I remember telling me brother about this guy and how he frustrated the heck out of me and without missing a beat he said "you mean just like you were at that age?" I was insulted but he had a valid point.

Yes, it is a double edged sword to be "not normal" but pass well enough that people get irked at you for failing to be as they expect. They see the agitation due to neurological issues (sounds, smells, textures, etc.) and since you seem "normal" it is assumed you are just trying to get attention, or you just need to toughen up, or you are just picky. Never does it even cross the NT mind that we might actually be suffering from something we cannot help.

I was most of the way through my 40's before it sunk into my mind that 1. My problems are neurological and 2. They will not change so it is OK to get gentle with myself!

I bought socks that feel good. No more misery from wrong socks! I'm not morally deficient because sloppy socks or the wrong length or material socks torture me. If I am half way to meltdown due to socks I am being GOOD if I stop into a store and buy myself wool socks that make my whole body go "ahhhh" and relax. I feel such a weight come off my mind and body when I recognize a sensitivity and be kind to myself. Cotton nice, silk fabulous, linen is miserable, wool depends on the quality and softness, bamboo and silk yarn yes, nylon no.

If some unexpected change upsets my system, it is not immoral of me to take care of myself. I can leave the party early. I can change my experience by seeing the problem situation coming and take evasive measures.

I wonder if this isn't why I am the black sheep of the family. I can only assume the reason I was never accepted is because at Christmas/family dinners I had a special meal prepared and it was usually higher quality (since Mom couldn't afford to feed 20+ people it). No doubt everyone thought I was an attention seeker and not that I have a legitimate issue since Aspergers did not exist. I couldn't tell you how many tears I shed wishing I could just be "normal". No doubt they all thought "he's just spoiled rotten. Let him starve and he will eat anything" but they don't know my Mom already tried that and I went a day or two without eating rather than be forced to eat something I didn't want to. As I explain to NTs, take your fancy Turkey Dinner, drop it in a trashcan and then pick it out and go ahead and try to eat it without getting sick. That's what most foods are like to me!

I just to be embarrassed to the point where I never even ate out at all (since my brother would point out how annoying I was with all my special requests) but know it's become common to the point I don't mind asking for it. If I'm paying good money why the f*** can I not have something the way I can handle?