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rude1
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01 Oct 2015, 12:16 pm

I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's the area I live in, or maybe it's that I'm a semi good looking young woman, but strangers just seem to be infatuated with me. If they just say hi or something, sometimes I'm able to mutter it back in time, but usually they seem to want to have a conversation with me. The problem is, I don't make small talk. And it's hard to tell what their intentions are-sometimes I feel like they are being too nice to me, or that they think I'm rude. The other day I was sitting on the computer at the library and the man next to me was trying to talk to me. I just nodded my head and said okay, because I didn't have anything to say. After that he said, "I'll just shut up now."

Lately when I hear "excuse me" from a stranger and think they might be talking to me, I pretend I didn't hear them because I want to avoid the conversation altogether. It annoys me too when random people make pointless statements to me like, someone once pointed out that I was carrying quite a large purse. I don't know what people want from me and I'm so tired of their expectations! I'm at the grocery store to buy groceries, why is that so difficult? :x


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01 Oct 2015, 4:46 pm

A quote from "Community" may help: "Men are monsters who crave young flesh"

I definitely understand the impulse to be polite to everybody all the time. It seems that every time I'm less than polite it upsets people... don't know why and I try to avoid it. That said, you don't owe random strangers on the street anything and your time is valuable so don't feel bad ignoring their catcalls. Unless you have some food on your face or your grocery bag looks like it's about to break, there's very little that a random stranger on the street can do to make it worth your time to stop and chat. There's a %0.00001 chance that you may miss out on a great friendship or romance but I've never heard a "how did you two meet?" story that started with "well, I hollered at her when she was walking down the street and then cupid's arrow did the rest."

There is a ton that I just don't understand about my fellow men and trying to chat up random pretty strangers on the street is definitely one of those things.



Spiderpig
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02 Oct 2015, 1:24 am

Women always have better things to do with their precious time than meet a man. No place and time are ever appropriate. Contrast this with the situation of a worthless lout like me, who would eagerly give anything up if there were the slightest chance I'd meet someone I could develop a meaningful relationship with.

If men haven't yet instinctively "gotten the message" they'd better stay away and leave women the hell alone, it's because there's a big evolutionary pressure against it---namely, and obviously, that those who don't break the rules are guaranteed not to reproduce. Breaking the rules pays off when you're valuable enough to afford it. Only if you're valuable enough; if you're not, you'll suffer the full weight of your misdeeds. There's nothing more insulting than thinking you have a chance when you don't.


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MjrMajorMajor
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02 Oct 2015, 2:06 am

Smile, nod politely, and then carry on. Small talk is relatively meaningless, so acknowledgement is all that's really needed. Some people just feel it's impolite not to initiate conversation. :shrug:



planet me
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02 Oct 2015, 3:56 am

Hey at least you start out as approachable. I'm not approachable but I am attractive like you are. (yes I'm calling myself pretty). I naturally walk super fast and don't make much eye contact. My dad says I have an abrasive personality. That bites me in the butt a lot. I have hard time getting boyfriends.
However it also helps. There was a guy at my work who liked to sexually harass women and while he leered at me and asked me for sex, he didn't DARE touch me. I think he figured I'd deck him good! Not that I minded that assumption of course! There was other women he'd touch despite threats of being reported.

The best thing to do I think is mention your boyfriend. ;) I've had to do a few times when pervs didn't meet my bitchy bitchy persona right away.

As for the non pervy strangers I quickly blow them off with a couple polite sentences of common ground to what ever they say while looking super busy.



Spiderpig
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02 Oct 2015, 8:56 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Smile, nod politely, and then carry on. Small talk is relatively meaningless, so acknowledgement is all that's really needed. Some people just feel it's impolite not to initiate conversation. :shrug:


I suppose that's sound advice, but it sucks to know, when a woman smiles at you, that she's still most likely waiting for a chance to get rid of your company, rather than enjoying it.


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MjrMajorMajor
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02 Oct 2015, 6:37 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Smile, nod politely, and then carry on. Small talk is relatively meaningless, so acknowledgement is all that's really needed. Some people just feel it's impolite not to initiate conversation. :shrug:


I suppose that's sound advice, but it sucks to know, when a woman smiles at you, that she's still most likely waiting for a chance to get rid of your company, rather than enjoying it.


No Eeyore, that's just one possibility. Now if she smiles and high tails it, she either has something else to do or a severe anxiety disorder.



Spiderpig
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03 Oct 2015, 6:45 am

You always have something else to do. If that were the rule, people would never socialize at all.


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Nicola2206
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05 Oct 2015, 7:26 pm

rude1 wrote:
It annoys me too when random people make pointless statements to me like, someone once pointed out that I was carrying quite a large purse. I don't know what people want from me and I'm so tired of their expectations! I'm at the grocery store to buy groceries, why is that so difficult? :x


THIS!
I hate random, pointless statements too, or in general, when total strangers try to start random conversations.
I don't know, it just bothers me :roll:


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Joe90
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07 Oct 2015, 12:45 pm

Sometimes I have had strangers try to make small talk with me, and it doesn't really hurt to just respond politely back. It's just difficult when people express negativity about the rain when talking about the weather, because I like the rain. Well, I like heat and sunshine in the summer, but any other time of the year I like it wet. So a very wet winter is good weather to me, much better than snow and frost. Ugh!


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Lukeda420
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07 Oct 2015, 1:23 pm

Odds are that if a guy is trying to make small talk he's doing it because he is in fact infatuated and has some romantic intentions. Looking busy and avoiding eye contact is good. If some one says something you could say something like "Sorry I'm in a hurry" or "Sorry, I'm a little busy right now." If they respond negatively or get offended it's their problem not yours. If they persist saying you have a boyfriend is a good option.

It is never rude to not want to talk to strangers.



esoterica181
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13 Oct 2015, 10:22 pm

The hardest part of being beautiful is the sense of being under prolonged attack by the constant stream of passing comments. How do you not let it get to you?
When I'm sitting plainly avoiding eye contact and somebody approaches me to ask for money or makes some comment in passing, I let them know directly it bothers me. I believe in addressing the violation if it feels like one. Why would I want to swallow somebody else's mistake? Ew.