Should I ask if my friend is Autistic and how?

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nrshrews
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02 Dec 2016, 8:46 am

I have asperger's, duh, and that made it really hard to socialize and make friends. I was really lonely my freshman and sophmore year. I struggled with severe depression. Now as a senior I have gotten a lot better at social things. I have a friend.. sortof.. I have an acquaitance who acts a lot like I used to. Poor at conversation. Sits in the floor against the wall at breakfast and lunch. Its scary to think that this kid could be fighting the same things that almost led me to suicide two years ago. I want to help him and be his friend, but he sortof closes himself off, also like I used to.

Does this sound like autism? and, whether it is or not, what should I do?



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02 Dec 2016, 9:29 pm

Could you perhaps provide a bit more detail of your observations and interactions?


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whatamievendoing
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03 Dec 2016, 5:31 am

Chances are it's more extreme introversion than autism, but either way, I wouldn't be so direct to ask him if I were you. You can try and have a conversation with him about it, but just don't be straightforward. Start off with something else, and if the situation permits, you can try and subtly lead the conversation into that territory.


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the_phoenix
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03 Dec 2016, 4:28 pm

Simply be a good friend.
Don't ask if your friend is autistic.
When I was that age, I had no idea,
and would probably not have believed you if you told me,
... especially if you were an acquaintance, new friend, or casual friend.



kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2016, 4:36 pm

Just be a buddy to him. Autism or no autism.

He needs a buddy.



nrshrews
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05 Dec 2016, 6:49 pm

Ok. So maybe it doesnt matter too much if hes autistic. Point is, whether he is or not, how can I be a friend to him? He shuts people out, like I used to but to more extent, but now looking back I realize people were exactly what I needed, and maybe thats the same for him. i want to support him cuz I want to be a friend. He's polite, but I can rarely get him to talk to me in more than one sentence. And he just sits by himself and if you ask how he is, he's 24/7 "tired". I can tell a depressed person when I see one. How do you get to someone who wont openly talk to people?



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06 Dec 2016, 5:56 pm

That kinda reminds me of me at one time; quite depressed, distrustful of people; felt overwhelmed, although I sort of had a small number of friends I still mostly shut people out. I remember one kid though, would oftenly interact with me, funny, nice, but I usually was critical and somewhat bitter toward him if memory serves me..., even so, I don't recall him ever responding in the same way to me, inspite of my shutting him out; I never forgot his kindness, even now I would like to meet him again and thank him and return his kindness.

I think it is commendable that you are trying to reach out to this kid, I think you should keep talking to him whenever you can and try to show a genuine interest in his wellbeing as you seem to be; maybe he will open up one day and interact with you more, maybe not, but the fact that you are reaching out to him, even on this level, could vary well make a critical difference in his life, even if that may not be apparent in the short term; the fact that someone shows an interest; cares enough to interact on a consistent basis, especially when everyone else seems to pass you by, I think, speaks volumes.


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bowtruckle
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06 Dec 2016, 9:01 pm

I would advise waiting for him to tell you himself that he has it (if he does). Reason is it can be highly uncomfortable for some people to be asked about it, considering the attitude society tends to have towards it. I think the best thing for now is to just open yourself up to him more than you have before. Good luck!



electricsaygeo
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12 Dec 2016, 1:22 pm

to tell if he's autistic: does he have fairly big eyes and does he look/act physically awkward?

and if he shuts himself off from people, just try harder to be a friend to him and he will probably appreciate it without showing it (that's how I was like)


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izzeme
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13 Dec 2016, 5:38 am

Don't ask, it is barely relevant anyway.

If you really want to know; disclose yourself first, at which point the pressure for your friend to disclose to you will be lower (if he is indeed autistic).
Things like this come up naturally, or not at all, and either way is fine.