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warrier120
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16 Sep 2018, 1:01 pm

After my latest rejection in terms of friendship at school and via social media, I felt so angry and resentful that I was blocked on Instagram yesterday that I immediately deleted both my regular and spam accounts and just wanted to forget who that person was. I have two classes with her, so I can't exactly avoid her. I had been interested in that person for a few weeks and was willing to commit to a possible friendship. However, she seems to want many friends that are not very close to her, while I want only a few friends that are close to me. For me, if both sides are willing to commit, it can take less than a year for us to become fairly close. Heck, that girl even thought I had romantic feelings towards her when I quietly came out as bi. I said that about 90% of my crushes were male and the other 10% were female. I, of course, told her I was not romantically interested in her because I truly wasn't.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I have been rejected and had my feelings hurt by several people before this. I usually try to see the good in people, but sometimes it's very tempting to believe that people are cruel and evil by nature or that NTs just naturally hate autistic people. Most of my friends are autistic and/or have a disability of some sort and will never reject me. One of my friends is NT, and she is an exception. I like to describe myself as blunt, brutally honest, prone to extreme emotions, and intense. By intense, I mean that I often mean exactly what I say and have strong opinions. The way I mask at school makes me hard to understand by most NTs. I have a serious mask with little smiling and laughing that only permits me to laugh when other people do it or when I genuinely find something funny.

Why is it that most NTs I try to become friends with don't seem to want me? Any suggestions to how I can recover from this serious injury to my feelings?


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16 Sep 2018, 1:24 pm

warrier120 wrote:
Why is it that most NTs I try to become friends with don't seem to want me?
You would really have to ask them, but I would guess that you might come across as needing to have a friend. This may be similar to the desperation that some Aspie men seem to project when they are trying to “get a girlfriend”. This needfulness is often seen as social desperation, which is a very unattractive attitude.
warrier120 wrote:
Any suggestions to how I can recover from this serious injury to my feelings?
Time. That’s all that ever worked for me.

You might want to try not having any expectations when dealing with people (NT or otherwise). Most are selfish, prideful, and desirous only of those friendships from which they have something to gain.

Also, coming out as bi is seen by some as an implicit come-on, even when you deny any personal interest in the person you are coming out to. Be careful with whom you come out. They could perceive your confession as a proposition, and react badly toward you.


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warrier120
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16 Sep 2018, 1:53 pm

Well, s**t. I actually joined a GSA club at my school so that I can discuss issues related to my sexuality and why I think assuming that coming out is equal to a proposition is wrong. I think of masking and hiding in the closet as similar to each other in that you have to be careful as to who you come out to. I feel like most people in general just simply do not accept other people for being different.


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16 Sep 2018, 2:16 pm

Oh, I am NOT saying, “stay in the closet”; I am only saying, “Be careful with whom you come out”. It doesn’t freak me out when someone comes out to me, so someone like me would be “safe”. Maybe stay away from people who are judgmental, or who express any kind of baseless prejudice.

As for seeing a come-out as a come-on, it happens. A person may wonder “Why is she coming out to me? Does she think that I am attracted to her? Is she attracted to me? Does she think that I am bi? Am I acting like a bi person? OMG, AM I BI AND DON’T KNOW IT?!”. Some self-repressed straight people may be horrified at the though of a same-sex person being attracted to them.

Obviously, it is not your fault if they do.


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warrier120
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16 Sep 2018, 3:28 pm

I understand what you mean by how coming out can be seen as a come-on. However, on that part about other people being judgmental, I don't know if I can exactly avoid those kinds of people. Maybe I should have paid more attention to those subtle hints that she wasn't interested in me such as randomly leaving me behind. For example, last year, I swore against going to my history teacher's classroom during lunch at the end of the year because people were being inappropriate and doing things like saying, "Down syndrome deluxe" or joking about their private parts. So one day this year, the girl I am talking about said that she was going to meet her friends in that teacher's room. She wasn't lying, but I thought that she did this because she knew I don't like going to that classroom. Now I know that she didn't do that for that reason.

I also forgot to mention that I looked up what a strong personality is and the traits listed seem to fit me perfectly.


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warrier120
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17 Sep 2018, 7:00 pm

P.S. I forgot to mention that I exhibit toxic behavior whenever I feel rejected.


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17 Sep 2018, 7:09 pm

warrier120 wrote:
P.S. I forgot to mention that I exhibit toxic behavior whenever I feel rejected.
Like what? Exploding light bulbs, garden tools flying through the air, and people catching on fire for no apparent reason?

;) Just joking!

Or is it more like shouting, insulting, or ghosting?

Me, I just sulk, plot revenge, eat too much, and then forget about it.


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warrier120
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17 Sep 2018, 8:38 pm

An example of toxic behavior I exhibit is my tendency to become very negative when I feel rejected. I criticize myself for a perceived wrong that I myself have committed. I also tend to take things personally, judge the person rejecting me for how they made me feel, become arrogant, become obsessive over social media, start seeking attention from the person, hold a grudge, and quietly plot revenge. The thoughts of how I carry out revenge go into my dreams, and the dreams tend to satisfy me before I can actually carry out my revenge plans in real life. Since most of the pain I feel is psychological and/or emotional, my revenge plots are usually intended to have the same effect.


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banana247
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18 Sep 2018, 12:53 am

Wish I had some consoling words. I dont, but I wanted to chime in anyway because everything you describe resonates strikingly loud with me. I’m sorry people are chumps. I wish they weren’t. You sound cool.



warrier120
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18 Sep 2018, 8:04 am

Yesterday, I saw the girl in 4th period. (We have 4th and 5th period together, and we sit next to each other in 4th.) When she took her seat, she said hi to me but in a way I found strange. Her tone of voice seemed to be concerned or worried-sounding. Paired with her blank facial expression, I couldn't really understand it.


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18 Sep 2018, 8:08 am

I think that you are over-analyzing.


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18 Sep 2018, 8:12 am

Say Hi back.



warrier120
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18 Sep 2018, 5:14 pm

After considering your responses, I have determined one way I could deal with feelings of rejection. I'm the kind of person who needs to be taught adult psychological concepts because, despite me being a teenager, my therapists have determined that I am mature enough to learn these concepts. So I decided to analyze cognitive distortions I found in my thoughts about the issues with that girl using a list the school psychologist provided me. In regards to my issues with the girl, I have problems with overgeneralization, my mental filter, mind-reading, magnification, labeling, and personalization and blame. Yes, that's a lot to put into a simpler set of feelings.


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IWant2Believe
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19 Sep 2018, 12:20 am

hmmmm....."blunt, brutally honest, prone to extreme emotions, and intense." Cool! You sound like someone I could be myself around because that's exactly how I am... Let's be friends! lol... I hate social media... It's become all about comparison and gossip and it drives people apart. My advice is just to get away from it as much as possible.



warrier120
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26 Sep 2018, 9:39 am

I want to thank you all for your advice. 4 of the 5 dreams I've had about that girl so far were, in some way, disturbing. The 2nd, 3rd, and 4th dream had a repeated theme of never catching up to her. In those dreams, for some reason, I was trying to walk side-by-side with her so that I could tell her something, but I ended up behind her.

The 4th dream was particularly strange. I walked into a science classroom not unlike the ones at my school and saw the girl at one of the back table groups. (The classroom is divided into two sections. One of them is the lecture area, while the other is the lab area. So the girl was sitting in the lecture area.) Standing in front of the board with my arms crossed, I told the teacher (who looked a lot like the AP Bio teacher at my school) to guess who hurt my feelings. She walked to the desks and pointed at random students. I would say "no" if she pointed to the wrong person, but when she got to that girl I was talking about, I remained silent. The girl walked up to me until she was to the left of me and held my arm and possibly my hand. She then said that she cared about me and that we could follow each other on Instagram again. I was pretty touched by that since I previously did not know if she cared about me. We were soon teleported into a building with an emergency exit. I followed her as she made her way to the emergency exit and opened it, causing its alarm to sound. Not caring about possible hearing damage, I followed her outside. There was a parking lot behind the emergency exit for delivery trucks, and the girl was loading a delivery truck with a small amount of unknown items. She turned and saw me approaching her. At that moment, she jumped into the driver's seat of the delivery truck and drove off.

Just last night, I had another dream about the girl, but she was just a background character and had nothing to do with the plot of the dream. We were in AP Euro writing about something. (I was moved farther away from her recently, and my original seat was immediately to the right of her.) In the dream, I was sitting in my original seat, but the girl was sitting in the seat behind where she sits now. For some reason, she was left-handed in the dream, but I fully recognized her. (She's right-handed like I am.)

Aftet I recently wrote about my dreams and my resentment towards the girl, I forgave both her and myself completely. So I'm back to caring about her and being happy when I see her again, but to a lesser extent. I wish I could tell her that I still care about her and let go of all of the negative things between us and also give an early birthday gift, but my mom told me not to because the girl may think it's weird for me to give a gift to her. (I'm giving her an entire pack of Starbursts, which are her favorite candy.) I even put a Post-It Note on the pack of starbursts reminding me to give it to her.


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