Is it worth it to make/keep friends?

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Is it worth it to make/ keep friends?
As an introvert who struggles with communication, eye contact, and other social cues, making and keeping friends is hard and requires a lot of effort. All of my friendships have faded over time because people change or I don't see them as much and it takes too much effort to maintain the relationship. Is it even worth it? I'm happy on my own, so can I just float along in life with a few acquaintances?

My opinion? No...it's not worth the effort. I like floating along on my own.

If you're happy as things are then I suppose there's no harm in things remaining that way. It'd be another thing entirely if you weren't happy with your current situation.

Based on other posts in wrong planet, it appears to me that, making and keeping friends takes a lot more energy, for autistics, than neurotypicals. And autistics tend to get less benefit from having friends, than neurotypicals.

Cost benefit analysis not worth it in some situations

I am not sure myself. Most people's way of thinking is too illogical for me to understand so i don't want to bother sometimes. Pretty much all my life i spend so much effort for people who didn't put in the same amount of effort to me. There has to be give and take in relationships and it seems no one wants the giving part.

No.

Somebody explained years ago that there are several levels of friends. One is friends of circumstance, the ones you interact with in a friendly manner such as neighbors, co workers, co-students at school, members of a church or a club etc.

You might even do some shared activities together one-to one or in small groups. Most of those fade quickly when you are not in the same circumstances and that is a sort of "normal" cycle.

There are those with shared interests, which you might do interest based activities with because you have interests or goals in common. These can grow into true friendships.
You might grow to really care about what happens to them over time. I was told these were "friends of the heart" and they are very rare.
You first share the interest and as you continue to share the interest you learn more about each other, maybe meet their friends or family members too. Sometimes these grow into true friendships where you care about what happens to each other and you have interest in each other's well being and you have bits of your lives that you share over a longer period of time. Sometimes these seem to face if you move away or get involved with others, but a true friendship seems to pick up right where you left off, even if it lies un attended for long periods of time.

I have had 4 such friendships in 70 years of life. I have moved away from each of these friends but we keep in touch, share news about each other on the internet, the phone, or in letters and photos we send to each other.
I may not hear from any of them more than one or two times a year, but I count those as my true friendships. I think they are very very rare for almost everybody. No guilt if your lives drift apart, that good will is still there with true friendships, no matter how long between communications. We don't have to do things with each other every day, week, month, or year to care about each other and value each other.

I think I grew up with a really wrong idea about friendship and what friendship "is" and "is not". Sometimes society gives a really false idea of "real life" especially as portrayed in media, fiction, and the like.
Perhaps you are distressing yourself over this needlessly. Friendship takes many forms, there are no rules or "supposed to be" parameters. Its make it up as you go, if the shoe fits wear it, whatever keeps each party in the friendship satisfied at whatever level of the relationship is needed or wanted or circumstances allow. No shame in growing apart, everybody's experiences and wants or needs will be different. Best wishes.

This is important. Yes.


I'd call most of these "acquaintances" rather than "friends."


Agreed.


Agreed. Shared interests enable you to experience companionship and/or comradeship, depending on the nature of the shared interests.


And that is the essence of true friendship.


This has been my experience also.


I agree that this is an important characteristic of a true friendship, especially for those of us who have limited energy for socializing.


Agreed, the nature of friendship is highly individual.

Also, most friendship, in Western culture at least, is informal. There is also such a thing as a formalized friendship group that goes beyond just an ordinary club.

In Western culture, formalized friendship groups have traditionally included "fraternal orders" and other "friendly societies". These are no longer anywhere nearly as popular as they once were, because what were once their most important material functions have since been taken over by insurance companies and government social services. Other kinds of mutual aid groups have arisen more recently, mostly in various marginalized communities.

In Scotland, in the U.K., there exists the Autistic Mutual Aid Society Edinburgh (AMASE). Hopefully similar groups will arise elsewhere?

When emergencies arise, can you rely on your family for help (or at least to help you through the process of getting any needed professional or bureaucratic help)?

If you can't, then you need close friends, to function as an alternative extended family. And, as you get older, you eventually will no longer be able to rely on your family. Alas, as you get older, it also becomes harder to make friends.

So, yes, you probably do need friends, and you probably do need to start now.

Yes, making friends can be especially hard for autistic people. Hence we, in the autistic community, need to develop more autistic-friendly ways of making friends.

Only you can decide if it's worth it - for you.

I don't have many friends but really appreciate the ones I have. I don't see any of them much but it's lovely to catch up and talk about things like spirituality which I love. I don't have much interest in a lot of the stuff people talk about so I don't resonate with many people.

I think likeminded friends is maybe the key. If you find people who you share meaningful interests with, they can be a wonderful addition to your life. But if you're the kind of person who doesn't need to share your interests at all, as many don't, then perhaps friendship isn't worth it.

I used to have 2 friends, and now both of them are not talking to me. In my opinion, if people don't put in effort for you, it is a waste of time to try to keep friendships. If no one wants to be your friend that doesn't mean you are a bad person, just not on the same frequency as them.

It sounds like you answered your own question.

I can't really make male friends because of life stuff (just talking to males too); I just see violence when it comes to males and have an irrational fear there. Females don't have that same negative connotation to me, which is why I can speak to females, albeit friendship is hard for me regardless because of Autism/mental illness, so I won't attempt it because I just see failure and pain all around.

I'm fine with being alone though.

Does anybody feel it is short of mandatory to only develop, and maintain friendships with people experienced with Neurodiversity?

I think it's mandatory to develop friends and maintain friendships. If you don't want to be a social outcast. That being said...

'Neurodiverse' people...Well , it's hard to make friends with somebody with aspergers/autism. It's kinda strange, I mean the only openly autistic people, I've interacted with, had weird quirks, vocal tics, just generally closed off body language. They were hardly what you would call communicative. It's almost to easier to be friends with an NT, even if it is highly superficial.

Either way, whoever it is. Making or keeping friends does not come easy. lol. So I don't even really try anymore. I'm really jaded person deep down. Friends are not a priority and never really were. Meaningful human interaction, I imagine, was never my strongpoint. I've always been very self-centered. To the point others might construe it in a bad light. I'm still trying to figure out how to gel harmoniously with others, to varying results.

Those who understand Neurodiversity can be pretty much NT-like (yet on the Autism Spectrum).

What could be better than having NT-like people "in the loop" regarding friendships?

Such objectives can be elusive - that is too much experience with the Autism Spectrum might not necessarily be a good thing - "yes you read this correctly."

ADDENDUM: WP Discussion Thread - 'Can Creating Art "Break the Ice" - Encouraging Friendships?':
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