Why would someone not want to talk to me after 2 years?

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sodepressed
Blue Jay
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16 Jul 2023, 7:10 am

There was this person I chatted with online a huge amount... practically wrote books taking into account all messages... I thought we were fairly close, once she even seemed to indicate she had some infatuation with me... but suddenly she doesn't care anymore, begins blocking me, then unblocking when I sought her elsewhere, until finally she just rebuked me for some reason (and supposedly said she wants to talk only after six months, but I think that's long gone now)... I even ended up writing a novel at her suggestion, which she never cared to read... before that she was really the only person I chatted with most... ever, possibly... I mean, I never exactly had many friends, but I supposedly have one irl I knew for over a decade, but on average we only talked for a couple of hours weekly, and lately not even that... ended up chatting with her for about two years, sometimes for up to 10 hours a day, mostly 2020/21 when apparently she got stuck in a uni dorm when her uni wasn't very functional due to covid... but suddenly she went back to her family and apparently I wasn't needed anymore. :(



DuckHairback
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16 Jul 2023, 11:08 am

sodepressed wrote:
I thought we were fairly close, once she even seemed to indicate she had some infatuation with me... but suddenly she doesn't care anymore, begins blocking me, then unblocking when I sought her elsewhere


I doubt she suddenly stopped caring.

Just a guess obviously but perhaps she became aware that she was a bit infatuated and this scared her?

I don't think it's uncommon. Sometimes people get really close, share a lot of personal stuff and then freak out because they suddenly realise they've made themselves vulnerable in getting close to another human.

I wouldn't be surprised if it happened more online because this is where all the people with irl social ineptitudes hang out. When things start getting real, it's easy to go into hiding if you're not seeing each other irl.


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sodepressed
Blue Jay
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26 Jul 2023, 4:28 pm

Not sure, but I do feel the pangs of loneliness...



Fnord
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26 Jul 2023, 6:43 pm

sodepressed wrote:
There was this person I chatted with online a huge amount... practically wrote books taking into account all messages... I thought we were fairly close, once she even seemed to indicate she had some infatuation with me... but suddenly she doesn't care anymore, begins blocking me, then unblocking when I sought her elsewhere, until finally she just rebuked me for some reason (and supposedly said she wants to talk only after six months, but I think that's long gone now)... I even ended up writing a novel at her suggestion, which she never cared to read... before that she was really the only person I chatted with most... ever, possibly... I mean, I never exactly had many friends, but I supposedly have one irl I knew for over a decade, but on average we only talked for a couple of hours weekly, and lately not even that... ended up chatting with her for about two years, sometimes for up to 10 hours a day, mostly 2020/21 when apparently she got stuck in a uni dorm when her uni wasn't very functional due to covid... but suddenly she went back to her family and apparently I wasn't needed anymore. :(
Why would someone not want to talk to you after 2 years?

Too much familiarity, perhaps -- you may have told her so much about yourself that there was no incentive remaining to get to know you better.

Or maybe she grew tired of hearing only about you, you, you . . . and went away to seek someone who would be really and truly interested in her as a person.


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Summer_Twilight
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28 Jul 2023, 7:27 am

First of all, that wasn't very nice of her to treat you like that as it's very hurtful and confusing. I don't think it's fair that she didn't bother offering you any type of explanation. On the other hand, some people have no problem turning it off and never looking. However, she honestly doesn't sound like someone who is worth persuing if she treats you like that.



sodepressed
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01 Sep 2023, 8:17 pm

Fnord, what are you on about, we certainly didn't talk about just me...



blitzkrieg
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01 Sep 2023, 9:14 pm

Some friendships run out of steam.

It happens.



sodepressed
Blue Jay
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08 Sep 2023, 11:39 pm

I always end up with 0 due to that...



Mona Pereth
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09 Sep 2023, 12:34 am

sodepressed wrote:
There was this person I chatted with online a huge amount... practically wrote books taking into account all messages... I thought we were fairly close, once she even seemed to indicate she had some infatuation with me... but suddenly she doesn't care anymore, begins blocking me, then unblocking when I sought her elsewhere, until finally she just rebuked me for some reason (and supposedly said she wants to talk only after six months, but I think that's long gone now)... I even ended up writing a novel at her suggestion, which she never cared to read... before that she was really the only person I chatted with most... ever, possibly...

Is she the same person as, or a different person from, the person you discussed below?

sodepressed wrote:
I mean, I never exactly had many friends, but I supposedly have one irl I knew for over a decade, but on average we only talked for a couple of hours weekly, and lately not even that... ended up chatting with her for about two years, sometimes for up to 10 hours a day, mostly 2020/21 when apparently she got stuck in a uni dorm when her uni wasn't very functional due to covid... but suddenly she went back to her family and apparently I wasn't needed anymore. :(


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09 Sep 2023, 12:55 am

Hi,

Without knowing the details, there could be many reasons. You said you mainly spoke to her while Covid was on. Perhaps as her life got back to normal she had less and less time for online chat. Perhaps she has found someone who she likes spending time with in real life. I don’t know if she is neurodivergent or typical, but if she is neurodivergent she may have just forgotten about you, and the longer the gaps in chatting, the harder it is to start up again. It seems like you are ruminating too much about the whole thing.



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10 Sep 2023, 6:23 am

She explicitly said she wants to pause (at least what she claimed back then) chatting, so nothing to do with natural gaps. But, yeah, either way it's harsh if it's just because there's other people when we spent countless hours chatting. Don't think she has an official diagnosis, but she thinks she's BPD.



blitzkrieg
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10 Sep 2023, 6:27 am

People with BPD usually have quite an unstable emotional life, and that can affect the ability to form long lasting, healthy relationships for people with BPD.

So I wouldn't take it personally.



david_tay
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04 Oct 2023, 9:23 pm

Maybe she got her own reason of not talking to you but I hope you get the reasons why and have a peace of mind on this.



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07 Oct 2023, 1:06 am

I never even got any sensible reason for why my ex left me a decade ago (I guess, besides losing interest)... sometimes it seems there aren't clear reasons, and I might be destined to be forever alone...



auntblabby
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07 Oct 2023, 1:12 am

there is more than one fish in the sea.



sodepressed
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07 Oct 2023, 1:15 am

Uh, most fish don't like me... and if some somehow do it's usually not reciprocal (older etc)... only once, a decade ago, was it mutual... for just 7 months.