So that's why it's important to have friends

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My mother told me I needed to work on my social skills into interacting with people better, than shutting myself out of the world and keeping to myself. She said I needed to build friendships so my social skills get better.

I asked her why is it so important to have friends and she told me who am I going to go to for help or for advice. I want to have kids and what is going to happen if there is an emergency and I need someone to watch my kids, that is what she told me. She told me with friends, you get advice, they help you with your problems, you befriend other people who are parents and you get parenting advice, etc.

Then she went on telling me her experience in having friends when we lived in Washington. If my mom got mad at my father, she go next door to her friend's and talk to her about how mad she is at her husband and the friend would give her a different perspective. When my mother knew I needed help but she didn't know what to do, she went across the street to her other friend's and talked to her because she was a occupational therapist. One day she told her about her friend in Portland and that was how my mother found me a occupational therapist.

It's important to use your friends wisely.

My friends sometimes do offer me advice for little things, but when I have a serious emotional problem they don't want to help. I have my family and my psychologist for that. My friends just seem to be so carefree to even know how to deal with information like that. They just want to get drunk, go see live bands and date people.
I told one about my AS - didn't believe me. And another about my social anxiety - didn't believe me and sort of turned on me.

The best benefit of friends is that they keep you from doing stupid things. Some of my worst decisions in my life were when I was all alone, or thought I was. Of course, I've also made stupid decisions BECAUSE of friends, so go figure.

The majority of the best friends (long-time friends) I had I lost when they found out I was on the spectrum. The few that did stay I lost because they were male & their new wives didn't like them having female friends. Spokane_Girl, does your mum have autism? I think keeping friends is a tad bit different for neurotypicals or perhaps it's just like this for moderate (and lower) functioning autistics?

In my experience, NTs don't generally want Aspies as friends. They usually think we are weird, and generally don't understand if you try to explain the spectrum to them. It's exactly the "wrongplanet" thing.

However, I think your mother is correct. Basically, she is talking about "networking" ... you have friends who know people... it is how you find people to marry, to help you in some way, or to get a job. Networking is how most people progress in life. As the saying goes, "It's not what you know, it's who you know."

You see examples of the networking at FaceBook and places like that. I can never understand how someone has 183 or 504 "friends" who send pictures, comments and all that. But these people are networking. They are not afraid to ask each other for social, professional or business contacts.

As an Aspie, that many friends would stress me out. But besides your family, you do need a variety of friends. The more you can handle emotionally, and who can handle you, the better. But it is hard on the soul to play the NT game just to have friends. Balance is needed.

I gave up trying to have friends when I was in my teens. I was sick of the rejection, sick of the boredom and sick of them not liking what I like. I didn't have things in common so I decided I was done with them and would rather have someone who likes what I like. I tried again when I was 16 but none of them wanted to come over. They said they were too busy or something. I think they were just saying that.

I did date guys for a bit before I met my current boyfriend and then that was it because I had finally found someone. The my mother said it's time to take the next step. Getting friends.
She said I don't need to be with them for hours and when I am with family, just stay and visit for 20 minutes and take a break.
At Thanksgiving, I ate and talked and then I left the table when I was done. Well I left when my dad got up and went back up to my brother's old bedroom and did the computer.

I'm not really interested in having a lot of friends and I am fine being alone. Just something I got used to in my teens. Before, I hated being alone and wanted someone to play with. I always get excited or happy when someone would come over and play.

I like having friends, but I don't feel the need to be around people all the time.

Here's a question I have: why do NTs who are friends always mock each other and hit each other? It's weird! What the hell?

Because they are kidding around, being funny and they don't mean what they say. I assume that's what they're doing because I do that to my boyfriend. I like to say he is broken and he says back "I'm not broken, you're broken." Sometimes I even say I will name our kids Spokane when he isn't around.


About hitting, I don't know. Maybe they are fighting and then they get over it and make up. I hit my friends growing up because they weren't listening to me so I gave them a spanking or we get in fights.

Social connection is important, because people build there image about them selfs on that. They also get a perspective on them selfs in that regard.

People how are alone too long loose there self image, so to speak.

Perhaps you need to explain to your mom, there's this new thing called the internet. It provides the same thing she's talking about, except without having to go out into the world, and risk possible face to face rejection.