Hello... is it autism...?

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Hello all,

I'm new here, and I don't know the ropes, sort of speak, so I apologize in advance if I say something inappropriate.

First of all, I've been diagnosed with depression for most of my adult life, and I've been on anti-depressants for many years up to about a year ago. I've also had a lot of therapy. I don't take the anti-depressants, nor have any therapy, anymore mostly because I don't have health insurance through my current employer, and I can afford health insurance on my own.

I do have my doubts about this whole cultural phenomena today of so many of us seemingly having some kind of 'psychological' problem. I sometimes feel that it's just more that we're all individuals and that's more than enough to account for the wide variance we see in human beings.

Perhaps the issue is more a society that may have some unrealistic view on being able to put bounds on variance... particularly when the variance may not pose much, if any, threat to other members of society. Even if said variance doesn't pose much, if any, threat to other members of society, our society will still often ridicule and ostracize people who are... different. So, in my opinion, I'm not so sure it's so much the variance itself that puts the survivability of variant individuals at jeopardy so much as it is the response of our society. A response which I'm also suggesting is often difficult to relate to any credible significant threat to other members of society's survivability.

Of course, perhaps the point is more to approach this judging and intolerant society with some nature of submissive stance by claiming "Yes, you're absolutely right, there is something wrong with me. I've got autism, depression, etc." Hoping thereby to gain some mercy from them.

I apologize if this suggestion offends anyone, and I'm not saying there is anything necessarily wrong with this approach, perhaps it's the best shot many of us have having to cope in this society that I often characterize as judging and intolerant. (Perhaps what's changed with me is that I can no longer practice this strategy anymore...) The only problem I might have with this strategy is if the individual genuinely comes to accept the notion that there must necessarily be something 'wrong' with him/herself just because he/she is variant.

I guess much of what I'm communicating here is that frequently I feel dealing with other people is just a 'pain in the ass', if you will. To me, it often seems that I just have to do pretty much everything their way, and I just don't get much for those sacrifices in return. So, perhaps it's more that I... choose... not to be more social because it's my perception that it's often a lot more work for me than any kind of return I might get from it.

I don't have anything much that other people really want nor need. So, I can put out, I can put out, and I can put out,... to expect to get much back is probably unrealistic when I don't have anything much other people really want nor need. I suppose I could change myself, in order to be something they might want more, and/or that they're more comfortable with,... but, that's all just giving out more and more, where my assessment so far is that I haven't gotten much in return for all my giving out so far. So, it just seems this is compounding a bad investment, if you will.

Obviously, unless you can do everything for yourself, you've got to deal with people... at work, etc. But, if you're somehow not more in the 'center', if you will, of variation you've got some difficult choices to make...

It's unrealistic to expect our society is going to change much, so if you meet your needs in less common manners, you're going to have to cope with less. The folks in the 'center' are going to horde the resources to avenues that suit their needs satiation.

So, what are some of the thoughts here on these matters?

Take care,

Paul

Welcome to WP!

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

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I think this is all solid and valid stuff that many of us have all gone over ourselves in one way or another. I fit a lot of aspects of the Asperger's profile, yet am undiagnosed. Because of this I often find myself asking, "Do I really have this, or am I just sulking because the world doesn't embrace my uniqueness and forgive my awkwardness?" After all,l I am so irritated by them that it hardly seems fair to expect them to like me. To an extent, this is absolutely true. Can I expect the rest of the world to do all the work? I am only accountable for my own actions, and thus I only have authority over my own actions. (This is referring to my interactions with other adults, and is only partially true... I have 3 kids, so there's a side category)

I spent a great deal of time sulking and growing increasingly silent because of the failure of other people to respond positively to my best efforts. I also grew weary of regretting every word I spoke. Caught between frustration with the frequently unstated social demands of other people and my own impatience with my inability to express myself as I wished (and my uncertainty as to whether it was them or me), I retreated. But in the end, my actions are my responsibility. If I want to do something for others, it is my choice. If I choose to do so, I do so. I think it is good and right for them to be grateful, but I am uncomfortable with overt displays of gratitude, gushing or excessively beholden attitudes. But I know there's a good chance that much of the world will go on in their blurry spheres, seeing only half of what is really there, and seeing what they do see through a distorted lens. We all see what we do see through our own distorted lenses. It's called "point of view." Mine is not so clear or fair that I can justly expect better of others.

Do we try to put a name on what we are to gain pity? Some do, sometimes. Many of us are like dwarves. They are different from the majority of people around them, far more visibly so. And they seek out others who share their experience. When someone has spent years surrounded by people who feel so different, a time will usually come when they will come across something that is not. Given the first piece of the puzzle, that there may be others like them, the search begins for more. Whether it can be named or not, a quality that makes a person stand out often causes friction while people with their expectations seek to explain what makes them uncomfortable.

So now we have the internet. Most of the people here just wanted to talk to others like them. You'll find it is full of people who are still trying to nail down just how many of their unique qualities are AS related, and how many are personal. Some do it to know how to treat or fix a quality about themselves. Some want to know why they are the only people they know who do a thing. Some want to have a reason to give to get others to understand them better, or to get someone to leave them alone. Some just want to be sure that what they do is their own free will.

Not all are diagnosed, and not all seek to be or need to be. Sometimes we just have some of the same things in common, ones that all fall under the same name, and come here to talk about them. There are always those who take it too far, who make it a crutch, an excuse, permission to quit trying. I guess a lot of us just have days like that.

Yes, the world seems to need a way to isolate the strange, to in turn recognize that it's us that are different, not them. Both sides seek comfort and security in the knowledge that something else is causing their problems. People are like that. But the world is also guilty of using it as an excuse not to try. Again, people are like that. Should they change? Absolutely. Is it realistic to think they will? Not very.

For my part, when I have those days where I think I don't have it, I generally remember the reasons, eventually, why I think I do. It's actually sort of comforting. I've known about it long enough now, years, to know that I will carry on doing what I do and just being who I am no matter what I call it. And some days I need to know why I can't deal with irritating sounds, why I need to be alone so much, why eye contact is so painful, why I become fascinated with some things then drop them and why I can talk about others for hours without any encouragement, why I have so many stims such as hand stroking, squinting, throat whistling, gulping, blinking, lip peeling, rubbing things, and why I've done these things for as long as I can remember. I don't need to know for anyone else. I just need to know.

So you're absolutely right. And you're not even scratching the surface. Humankind, even a single slice of it, has more reasons per individual for its actions than I could list in a lifetime. And it's the awareness I have of this, along with everything else, that makes people so impossible.

Hello again all,

Yes, I just took the Aspie test as recommended. The results:

Your Aspie score: 80 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 119 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical

So, perhaps I'm socially frustrated, but I guess that measure would indicate that it's unlikely autism, or autistic-like qualities, has much to do with it.

Take care,

Paul