I hate my life

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Warning: Rant following


I hate this. I hate dealing with insomnia, depression, social anxiety, Asperger's...it's just too much for me. I don't know how people on here deal with "worse" disorders. Seriously.

Yesterday, for no reason at all I was feeling a little melancholic, and then last night I started feeling depressed, again for no reason at all. I also wasn't feeling tired even though I was exhausted all day. I went to bed at about 4am. I woke up at 7:30 for class, but I was still feeling depressed and of course was exhausted. I decided to skip my classes and slept almost all day. This turned out to be a big mistake. One of the classes I missed turned out to be very important. Not only does she lower your grade if you miss even one class, but that particular lesson was important. She handed out some assignment that's due at the next class. It's supposed to be reflection on that lesson. I am so screwed. I need to get a decent grade in that class in order to get accepted in the teaching program.

Anyway, I am more stressed and depressed right now than I have been in a while. I don't know what to do. I e-mailed my professor and hopefully everything will get worked out with that somehow. But all my classes are stressing me out, and I feel so worthless and depressed. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm sure none of you can help me.

Lately I have felt a sort of void of emotion. Sometimes I'm happy, other times I feel like complete crap. My social life right now is weird too, it exists but I don;t know what's happening with it all all.

My whole answer to this was just to go about everyday life and what happens happens. Then again, I'll probably fail Spanish 103 and never progress with the new people I met.

Thank you GroovyDruid and hale_bopp. I'm feeling a little better now; I just hope everything goes ok with the classes I missed. I guess I'll find out this week.

I'm sorry to hear this. I have been dealing with more than I want to lately too. I don't hate my AS or anything - just having to live in a world with other people. It just seems that in the recent weeks I have been dealing with a lot of ugliness and selfishness from others, and it's wearing me down. I don't have anywhere I can go where I feel safe talking about it either. All my previous avenues for support have turned ugly as well. I dubious even of posting this much here, in this alledgedly "safe" forum.

I do have my close friends, but I hate dumping on them all the time with my problems. At least I can trust them, which is something that seems unwise to do with any others right now.

Well, things are looking up for me now. As usual, I guess I overreacted. Stupid anxiety. My professor is letting me write my paper on TODAY'S lesson since I wasn't there last week. I was already starting to feel better before this because I got a lot of stuff done this week, and I had a feeling things were going to work out. I'm back to my usual self for now. Cade and CHAOS, I hope things look up for you soon as well.

insomnia, depression, social anxiety

I have these sometimes too due to my autism ......and i believe that most autistics here have these problems too is some times.

I can't sleep most of the time .....even if i went to bed early .

As for depression .....well i think you just found out the best way to fight it : admit it to the others on the forum , talk about it ..... it may looks silly but i always vent in chatting or in forums when i feel deppressed and it make me feel better.

Simple positive visualization exercises work for me. I was in your world. I had it so bad I did not recognize what it was like to be calm. Happened for almost 23 years. Post tramatic stress disorder no one to trust not even my mom or dad or sister or brother. Low blood glucose is one cause of depression. Drop the white bread and all food laden with carbs and no fiber. L glutamine can serve as an emergency fuel source for the brain and can calm you down. That amino acid helped me relieve what it felt like to be calm. I went further try some visual immagiry. Could not do it . Sometimes it would take a while for me to get high. I determined it was a lack of focus. I was tired. I remember painting shows and the fact that I like to watch people draw. I was doing it then and not even knowing it. I would pretend that the painter was painting on my back. I igonred the fact that he was a male on the show. I also remembered my mom would tickle my back with a feather and I would do it her. My grandfather would twist cigar wrappers up and stick them in my ear. I knew I could do anything when I was calmn. Funny things happen to me. I started being more social I lost intrest in junkfood Itr reduced severity of symptoms. Some odd behaviors stopped. I went nuts after a while. I became cofident and felt attractive. I wanted to flaunt my body around. I have body builder muscles and six pack abs are starting to come out. Omega 3 and 6 fats helped also. I drank tea for the brain swallow detox herbs and that helped stablize moods. The tea I used words like sigmatize. I have that type of vocabulary but the tea maid my brain work like a dream. I would sometimes drink 12 at a time became super energetic followed by super brains. Omega 3 and 6 fats reduce inflamation that also hurt mood. They also reduce leaky gut that commonly occurs in autism. I look for nutrients that improve glucose metabolism like chromium biotin alpha lipoic acid zinc magnesium herbs like cinnamon I was know stacking with the moods. I figured out after mood improved music was enjoyable. Mood release sometimes overstimulating cause I am not used to it.

I had paxil and that stuff don't work on me. It might be because I have biapolar disorder. Morphine does not work either just makes me tired and I tripp on that stuff. I probably can't take lithium either because of final stage skin cancer. My mom does not want me to mess with my perfect immune system. I rarely ever ge sick. I am in my 3 year. I was given a max of 1year to live. There are alot of things going on with me my therapist does not even understand.

Yeah I am being ignored even though my advice is better. Might have been to complicated. Damn its important for you to understand you should ask doctor watson. That is me and my last name. I am not really but it seems like it. I am good at social stuff to. I know what to say. All the things I mention contirbute to mood. Am I too complex?

Oh come on I could fix her. I could use my gifts. Damn it I should be a pschologist. I am sure suicidal thoughts will be back.. My therapist says I am an expert at aspergers. I have the worst I learned that too and my social skills are nt so maybe that is why I am so good.

What am supposed to think? I mean getting maid fun of all through out school year mom is an ass everyother day pstd all the way. Some times I am too complicated to scientific and people here I don;t know if they process the info the way I do. My social skills are nt. Almost all of me on the social side is nt. Something has kept me isolate for 23 year away from everyone. All these things cross and it creates alot of confusion. I must watch my tone clarify when I right appologize if necessary. Watch the mood cause then I sound like aspergers.

qurky carla is on aspie affection. amost my age.