courts and contact

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I am an AS male 34 and i have a 4.5 y.o son who is also AS (undiagnosed).
I am fairly high functioning (i am a vet) and i live alone.
my query is this: i would like some advice, information from others who can help me. My sons mother is taking me to court to limit contact with my son as she thinks that he is acting like me because he copies me, not because he has what i have.
she is unable to grasp what AS is and how it affects me and him. I would like advise/strategies on dealing with courts and convincing a court that because i have AS , and he has AS that, in fact i am a better parentt han her as i am empathetic to his neeeds and do not ignore them as i have a grasp of the problem. where as she wants to bring him up as a normal child in a noraml world without the negative influence of his fathers affliction and his father.
does any one else see the problem here?

Yeah, I see a problem.

I'm 26 years old. I have AS and so does my dad. My mom doesn't. Because she doesn't, she doesn't understand what I would need to relax and communicate comfortably. She forces me to be something I'm not. My parents are married. My dad however is great because he doesn't force me into being something that I'm not. We understand each other. If I didn't have him as a backup or referee during communications with my mom, my mother and I would be fighting with each other. Without him, I would have thought my mother disliked me my whole life. I know that she doesn't dislike me, but she can't show it to me in a way we both can accept and understand. I always knew that my dad loved me and understood my communication style better than she. I wouldn't be as adjusted and happy person today without having an AS parent to relate too.

I don't know anything about courts, but it isn't fair to your son to not see his father. You may be the only parent who can show him that you love him.

No matter your "neuro" status, so long as the behaviors you exhibit in front of your son aren't harmful to him or you, it shouldn't make a difference to a judge.

That said, I would recommend that at your first opportunity you RUN, not WALK, to get your son diagnosed. First because of course we all know the earlier the intervention the better his life is going to be, and secondly because if you have a psychologists report that your child has thus and such, and requires certain accomodations and understanding of his behavior and mom doesn't follow it, that's a ball in your court.

The second thing you need to get is a good attorney. Because while your dx and/or behavior patterns *shouldn't* make a difference to a judge, just by being a judge we know he/she is the uber-NT and so you need all the balls you can get in your side of the court.

What state are you in?

my behaviour in front of my son is pretty good for any one ..i dont have any idiosynchrosies or odd behaviour.

good advice re: sons has AS and needs special accomodations etc...mom doesnt follow it ok will note this.

uber Nt...i like it.....what state am i in?
a pretty depressed one to be honest........but i live in the uk....

yip i have to pay for a privat e diagnosis for him and hope toi get it done at the end of this month.

I posted a similar comment before that a psychologist made to me when my son was younger that he may be modeling my behaviors. I commented that she acted like if I took some Prozac my son's HFA would resolve itself. It shows the level of misunderstanding that people in general have about ASD. So I agree that you should try and get your son diagnosed as soon as possible - BUT try and get a referral through the school (even if he isn't enrolled yet) or ped for a doctor that is FAMILIAR with ASD. So - don't just assume that because someone is a professional or has a degree that they will be familiar with the nuances of the spectrum either. Also - if your child really does have AS, how is it going to affect him to find out that his Dad has it and he wasn't permitted to see him. And if she is in denial - is she going to see that he gets the proper supports he needs in school (if he needs any). So I think getting a formal diagnosis is important for more than just the visitation issues.

My husband is NT and I consider my daughter to be NT also. So it can be hard sometimes because he really doesn't seem to WANT to understand ASDs. He just feels that he can't and that is that. And there have been comments made before like if my son is exhibiting some difficult behavior that I am to blame for it - but that is more in a genetic context. Of course when he does something really great - like recites the chemical components of household objects that just appears out of nowhere (LOL). I also agree that there can be certain benefits for the HFA/AS child to have a parent who can understand where some of the behaviors are coming from. And to help develop coping strategies. On one message board I suggested a way to help a child cope and was considered "way off" until one of the respected therapists on the board completely supported my suggestion and what I was doing (naturally) in technical behavioral terms.

walk in the rain...i really really liked your comment about how will it affect him if he finds out that he wasnt permitted to see his father because his father has what he has (if he has it)
you alluded to a message board posting without actually describing it....how very accomodating of you.....do you need a request to tell it to me?
no wait..your aspie right?
so, just tell it to me.

one thing that hasn't been mentioned above is to downplay the idea that you would be the better parent....that's not to say that you wouldn't be~just that turning this into a juvenile battle of "well i'm better than her because..." will not look too good in the judges eyes.................having said that, i would definitely emphasize what traits you have that would make you a good parent~just don't compare yourself to her. i would also not use the term "normal child in a normal world"~ normal is simply what one is accustomed to. for my aspies, normal is hand-flapping and rocking. when you say that she wants your son to be normal~well, you do too. I'm sure that you want him to be well-adjusted and able to function in society. I know you meant that she wants your son to be NT, but i've sure met alot of NTs that I don't consider to be normal.
best advice:get a lawyer and a diagnosis for your son.

Good Luck!