OMG! Dead Air! imustfillthisspacenowwithallmynervouschatter

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Anyone else feel an incessant urge to talk? I feel like an introvert with a forced extrovert side and it's malfunctioned. This is what happened:

My husband and I went to the bookstore. I was about to make a beeline for the science/math/nerd section and he was aiming for graphic novels. Unfortunately we ran into friends. The four of us (it was a couple) plopped down in the coffee bar section. Conversation ensued and I always feel really uncomfortable and numerous thoughts go through my head, like I'm talking too much, I'm looking at her husband too much, She's looking at me like I'm weird, OMG what did I say, I'm rambling, where do I put my hands, I seriously need to stop pulling on my earlobes, I'm twitching etcetera.

My husband was giving me lots of those "shut up" signals, like the Wild Eyed Glance, the actual Cut-It-Out Gesture, and even deployed the Instant Change of Subject Insert.

I was trying really hard to read that I was screwing up the conversation. I tried to say less, tried to listen and then ask questions, but I started feeling so uptight I grabbed my Tangle Toy from my purse and started mangling it under the table in an effort to stop interjecting.

Afterward, my husband told me I don't have to keep talking like that I could just sit there politely and listen (he's aware I am attempting to do this). I totally started crying and told him I find it extremely frustrating to sit in a conversation and try to well, converse with people. If I just sit there I feel like I'm supposed to be talking. If I'm talking I feel like I'm supposed to shut up.

Any suggestions? My personal thought was to go hide in my room and never come out. It's appealing.

My son seems to be the same way. I, on the other hand, prefer to be as far away from such situations as is humanly possible. If it had been me, I would have likely walked away without even an "excuse me", so that I could go bury myself in whichever section of books I'm currently obsessing on.

I wish I had some kind of advice for you. But the only thing I can think of is to tell you to practice saying "Excuse me, there's something I need to look at over here" and walk away. Or something to that effect.

That sounds absolutely draining. I'd feel like I was in a truck wreck by the time I got out of a situation like that. When I run into people I know out shopping, I get that deer-in-headlights hysterical mutism and can barely speak.

Your story reminds me of a recent recurring character on Saturday Night Live, called Judy Grimes. The skits are not about conversation, but the character does seem to have an anxiety problem that won't allow her to leave a pause unfilled once she starts talking.


Judy Grimes <SNL video

Last edited by Willard on 14 Jun 2010, 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It definitely feels that way- I feel like an animal trapped somewhere and I get out by biting I mean talking my way out. I literally feel half freaked out that I'm supposed to be casually chatting. It ain't casual, it's an effort!

Sounds very familiar. Sometimes I'll start talking with even one person and literally cannot shut up, even if I know I'm saying too much and/or it's starting to sound nonsensical and/or repetitive.

It's like whatever's inside my head at the time just HAS to come out.

I feel for you.

What Kramer_Aspies said might work--excuse yourself and walk away before it starts.

Maybe one-on-one (like with your husband) you could practice curbing your "chatter." Then, try it with one friend, then two.

Like most things in life, this will just take practice to overcome.

rrrrrrrahrr What's bad is when you disclose a lot of really personal, possibly incriminating information needlessly.

I know exactly how you feel, and I've done this myself on numerous occasions. When I try to stop myself I start stimming and twitching, which is almost worse. Recently I've developed an interior stim which involves me flicking my tongue sideways and hitting my teeth. Nobody knows I'm doing it, and it calms me down and helps me to shut up.

But I've said some things I wish I'd never said, and didn't even want to say at the time, but couldn't stop.

Apparently this isn't all aspieness in my situation, I tend to do it much more when I'm manic... the difference is when I'm manic I don't see the need to shut up. And although I'm overwhelming I can become quite the entertaining raconteur. But I remember the first time my brother heard me burbling merry shite to someone. He didn't talk to me for three days he was so upset about what I revealed about our family.

What Jamesongerbil said about the revealing info is what I think bothers me the most. I can spill out my entire life story, my thoughts on just about anything, and tell everyone all about myself in five minutes flat even though my brain is screaming for me to shut it.

I'll have to try what Mgran suggested... an internal twitch

Yes! I used to do exactly this when I was younger. And sometimes I'd feel angry afterward when my husband said things because I hated it that I could never "be myself". I always was supposed to be able to "act" in public (was what it felt like). Acting is tiring. Going to parties felt like we were actors in a TV show to me, and that I had lines to memorize and deliver correctly. But I did not know what my problem was then. We got divorced after 10 years because I was so tired of "acting".

It got better gradually with age. And being married to a nerd (NT) who doesn't like to socialize is MUCH better.

Now I'm more likely to hardly talk at all, making me seem rather boring. (my opinion.) I let the NT's babble.

I'm 53, and it seems to me (in my case anyway) that it has taken me DECADES to gradually learn how to behave the way other people do, and I'm still not perfect. But I pass for NT pretty well now.

YMMV

I think my mum's a bit like that. I tried to be too- luckily I'm so antisocial that my 'blabbering' is probably quieter than most normal peoples' polite small talk.

Try redirecting the energy into a harmless habit - for example flick your tongue this way and that inside your mouth, or mess with your feet?

Sounds like me. Give yourself a break. People who know me have gotten used to me fidgeting and arranging everything on the table on different angles, making monsters with my food, etc. That seems to calm me down, and distract me enough, and relax.

Sorry your husband has to point out the obvious. Perhaps you could point out to him that it really doesn't help to say these things when you are obviously trying hard. It would be like you telling him not to breathe. He may be able to hold his breath, but only for a while, and then something comes out.

We try our best, and the people who choose to get to know us usually don't mind.

I am glad after all these years, I am finally accepted by my select group of humans.